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English | IDK Why My Brain Is Trying Kill Me don't know I came home from dialysis and there was a check needing to be sent into the bank I was mad because my dad could not drive me there because the dialysis day that he dost drive I tried to take pics of the check for deposit and it won't take pics for some reason or other I kept getting madder til I just tore up the check and thought to kill myself I called crisis line and said help my brain is trying kill me again I told them about the check and other things not working today and that I did tear up said check I wanted to call delivery tonight for something to eat I can't stand pears that are in the fruit bowl so I nearly also threw them out I just wanted something to order not pares Pares taste like chlorinated swimming pool water to me, I tried it out a couple of times So that just added to the problem And the pics don't do good on the laptop that I HAD I did end up smashing it I was so mad I thought so you broke the laptop why not just kill yourself Then I called crisis line Wondered if I should have gone to the hospital I hope I can get over this one and feel less bad in a bit or so Yea I am going to look for counseling |
French | Désespérément Besoin d'aide ne peut pas faire cela plus que je passe chaque jour à faire de mon mieux pour prétendre que tout va bien Je prends mes médicaments Je fais ma thérapie TMS Mais je lutte tellement la seule chose qui me fait sentir quelque chose de mieux est de manger tellement jusqu'à ce que je vomit Rien ne me donne de la joie plus je suis sous tant de pression à la maison et ne peux pas se foutre de mon travail scolaire |
English | Got big Bertha pointed under my jaw have hours from the moment I posted this to pull it is seems that no one I mean NO ONE NOT EVEN ANYONE IN MY FAMILY is willing to help me process all of this So much abuse and unfair treatment from my father has made me grab my last resort Just posting this because I want to let people know what I'm going through at least before I pass I already wrote a note a few days ago, and I have no plans to push the date on it any further Check out my last posts if you want to know what s been going on in my life |
French | La dysmorphie du corps a pris des médicaments qui m'ont donné l'impression d'être au sommet du monde aujourd'hui Je me suis souvenu à quel point ma peau est laid Je ne vais jamais pouvoir vivre une vie normale Je ne pourrai jamais porter des vêtements normaux Je ne peux même pas aller à l'école parce que je me sens si laid Cela a ruiné ma vie et ça va enfin me tuer Je ne sais pas ce qui vient après et j'ai peur |
English | I feel like i don't exists I lay here the night before school I've come to realize that i don't exist, and that everything does not feel real nor sane i don't see the point in living I have given and I will never receive in the way I need like I have given to others I will either kill myself or continue wasting onwards as a mutual disappointment to both my parents boyfriend and friends as to quote Camus man is the only animal who refuses to be what he is |
English | I was told that I should probably come here and vent about my suicidal thoughts hope I don't break any sub-rules I have attempted before because I felt like a waste of space and that nobody cared about me, I have nobody in my life that cares Nobody in my life that notices me Sees me Knows me The last friend I had was months ago and they didn't even care My family doesn't care and think I'm faking it even tho I've been diagnosed with several mental disorders and have attempted before I've been to therapists and psychiatrists and group therapies, but I still feel like I'm worthless I struggle with finding the will to stay I don't want to die RN but I'm just watching the days go by of me feeling empty and worthless I try to help others with their thoughts, but my advice falls flat now because my own thoughts have taken a permanent toll on me Most of my attempts happened because I was scared of my abusive ex and nobody would take my concerns about him seriously I felt alone in my pain, so I just did it I haven't had contact with him in months but I'm afraid if he reaches out to me or somehow talks to me again that I'll relapse |
French | J'ai tellement peur et je ne sais pas quoi faire, je ne sais plus, je ne sais pas si je ne m'en soucie pas du tout ou si je m'en soucie trop, je ne sais pas pourquoi je souffre tant, je ne sais pas quoi faire contre, comment soulager la douleur sans la donner à d'autres, et j'ai peur de ne pas avoir peur, je n'aurai pas peur, je n'aurai pas peur. |
English | I want to kill myself so badly but I have an exam tomorrow and if I don't succeed then I fuck that up title |
English | Here I am again keep posting on this sub I'm not getting better, but I keep trying to take things day by day It's so fucking hard I just want to have the courage to fucking end it What holds me back |
English | Fine dad you win It s not worth it any more It hurts too much I've fought for too long |
English | I see no point in living don't feel loved by anybody At this point everyone I was supposed to be able to trust have just hurt me and left me behind I'm so fucking tired Tired of waking up everyday just to deal with the same things I have complex PTSD anorexia borderline personality disorder social anxiety and major depression I see no reason way things could get better for me, I think I might just kill myself tonight I've tried it so many times that I think I finally can get myself to do it for real |
French | Fuck tout le monde C'est arrivé toute ma vie depuis que j'étais à l'école primaire jusqu'à maintenant à l'âge de Récemment à mon ancien travail, j'ai été arrêté sur les accusations douloureusement vagues et faibles d'un étranger que je n'avais jamais rencontré, il n'a jamais été entièrement jugé en raison de la pitoyable ces revendications étaient maintenant quelque chose de similaire se passe à mon nouveau putain de travail dans des circonstances différentes. |
English | Grief sucks m grieving, and it makes me want to die am I dramatic losing someone so close to me has pushed me to the brinks of suicide I feel like no one understands I won't take my life though because of my family it will just add onto their grief a thousand times more and I don't want that for them |
French | Je veux aider les gens se moquent de moi parce que Man City gagne contre mon équipe Liverpool Pendant des années, j'ai attendu que Liverpool gagne Depuis le Gerrard Slip, ma vie a radicalement changé, j'ai été harcelé et embarrassé parce que je suis un fan de Liverpool. |
French | Je peux imaginer ma famille réunie pour un enterrement et je ne veux pas qu'ils se sentent tristes ou me voient face bleue ou mort a me rend triste |
English | I think I'm going to just wither away and die now kinda like a slow suicide I've finally reached that point in depression where you just lay in bed and do nothing I have not much reason to do anything now I hope I die I'm tired i don't care about anyone and anything any more actually I do care but not enough my Reddit accounts are all permabanned and my appeal was rejected this website has what kept me sane participating in it and engaging with other people has always been something that helped me through things I deserved to be banned of course I was a dick but I'm still tired im tired of this world I'm tired of the injustice and cruelty this is nothing there is nothing there is no hope and no reason to live when I can't do anything to save others the kids at the border North Koreans Chinese citizens Uighurs Armenians Azeris starving African and Yemeni children the cartels how are people happy with this content with this wasting time defending politicians and other people who don't deserve it instead of helping the innocent ones who do everyone deserves to be happy and I'd give my entire being to make everyone happy but I can't it hurts I don't know what to do to save people i don't think I even care enough or even want to I wish I never existed in this world I wish i didn't have obligations a life a dog to care for which I'm barely caring for by the way friends family I want it to just fuck off so I can rot away and die without hurting others i don't want to be selfish I've always been selfish and only wanting to talk about myself but people just won't let me go I messed up bad and i m sorry |
English | I want to and need to do it so bad I'm a failure who can get his own life together at My family hates me and I'm a burden to everyone and hate myself even more than everyone else I have no friends and no one that cares for me, I've been trying to get the courage to kill myself, but I just can't get myself to do it I think committing suicide would be the one thing that I could finally do good and succeed at Why am I so useless that I can't even kill myself to at least benefit the rest of the people around me for once |
French | Personne ne peut aider à poster ici trop je n'ai personne d'autre pour aller à mes proches sont fatigués de moi j'ai besoin d'être sauvé, mais seulement je peux le faire, mais je ne peux pas non plus mon petit ami prend mes médicaments avec lui au travail donc je ne sais pas ce que je suis perdu donc je vais me pendre je ne sais pas quoi faire d'autre j'ai peur de mourir, mais quoi que ce soit est mieux que cela je ne sais pas |
English | I can't take this any more love my death |
French | Comment se faire hospitaliser sans qu'il en coûte un Toni a été vraiment déprimé avec des pensées suicidaires pendant des mois Je veux être hospitalisé, mais je reconnais que même avec l'assurance coûtera des milliers de dollars Je suis déjà en difficulté financière Est-ce que quelqu'un a des idées |
English | I'm so lost am so lost and frustrated and angry I don't know what else I can try I don't have anyone No one can help me I am just so tired of the pain I know I won't go on much longer just have to get some things in order so they're not a burden for someone else |
French | Je me frappe au visage, je veux mourir, je veux avoir une arme à feu et je veux me tirer une balle dans la tête, je me frappe dessus et dehors depuis cinq heures et je commence enfin à avoir mal à la tête et je suis nauséeux, je veux mourir, je veux mourir, je veux mourir. |
French | Je veux juste qu'il s'arrête chaque jour est rempli d'anxiété et de pleurs sans fin Je veux qu'il s'arrête Je ne veux même pas être heureux Je veux juste qu'il s'arrête |
English | TW Sexual Abuse Eating Disorder How can I carry on I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse The perpetrator was somebody close to my family who I still have to see on a regular basis It started when I was probably about years old and went on for years until I was about I never told anybody out of fear they would tell me it was my fault or that I was making it up The first time it happened he pushed me into an empty room and made me pull down my pants while he did the same He ground himself up against me and made me touch him He stuck his tongue in my mouth and put his fingers inside me Over time things got worse and this happened on a pretty regular basis It was after he stopped touching me that I developed an eating disorder I was anorexic with bulimic tendencies I dropped from pounds all the way down to about I looked like death, but everybody told me how fabulous I looked how I d never been more beautiful in my life Even my mom egged me on saying she was so proud of my weight loss Over the years I haven't really been able to get close to anybody I push them all away Any relationship I've ever had has been violent and if it wasn't my boyfriend would cheat on me, I know men use me for the sex and I let them I do not value myself at all I have attempted suicide two times The first time I took a bunch of pills and my friend made me throw them up and the second time I tried drowning myself but my boyfriend at the time saved me Today I am about months pregnant and of course I am pregnant with a boy I do love my son and I guess that's why I'm submitting this I m triggered just about every day and I don't know how to continue on I will not try to kill myself for the sake of my son But how can I continue on with life I'm so afraid that he will turn out like his father and verbally and physically abuse women No matter what I do I feel like I do not matter, and I do not have a voice How can I continue on when I am plagued by these memories I know I need to love myself before my son is born, but it feels impossible If nobody else can love me how can I Obviously my life means nothing to anybody I wish I had succeeded in killing myself when I had the chance |
English | Feeling unlovable and suicidal m and can't handle life any more I feel unlovable when all I have tried to do in this life is gain approval and admiration from others despite that most people I know consider me arrogant and full of myself despite the fact that I consider killing myself every day my family fights non-stop and degrades myself esteem every day my friends consider me arrogant and annoying and only put up with me out of pity all of my romantic interactions have been complete failures and the ones which have lasted for more than a few weeks end up with the other person despising me i ve tried so hard to change my personality i ve tried so hard to be less arrogant i ve read self-help I've gone to the gym read philosophy gone to see a therapist but nothing seems to change the fact that my personality is essentially a repellent for genuine human interaction at this point I just want to end it all because no matter what everyone I meet will consider me arrogant or a bad person all I have ever wanted is a genuine romantic connection which will be impossible because of my personality |
English | I'm scared my mom is going to see my scratches When I self harm I use this cheap-ass pocket knife from a gift shop It can barely break skin and no blood comes out when I use it So if some fucker tries to break into my house and kill me I'm fucked lol Anyway it looks like terrible scratches Kinda looks like dog scratches but IDK if my mom will believe it was from one of our dogs I'm not even sure its real self harm since no blood comes out They're all right underneath my elbow My mom knows I struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts we call them crazy thoughts because It's too hard to outright say suicidal thoughts Last night I came so close to attempting to kill myself My mind was racing, and I felt trapped I don't know I'm scared I'm taking medicine and I think I need to up my dose I don't fucking know any more I'm not looking for advice to hide them or nothing I'm just venting I have friends to talk to but I couldn't bring myself to tell them what was going on I was able to calm down by singing some Descendants and NOX songs |
English | Keeping a murderer alive from suicide Answer that And try to tell me they deserve to live This is the only way to insure none of these bitches try to save you from suicide |
English | How are any of you doing How s it's going |
French | J'essaie toujours d'évacuer un ampli de douleur qui souffre en post, mais c'est toujours trop long, alors je finis par le dire et le faire reculer. Il y a trop de douleur pour moi pour tout taper. a prend trop de personnages et trop de temps. |
English | I don't know what I expect from this I'm sorry in advance if I've broken any rules with this post it's my first on Reddit after years of only observing and to post it is taking all the confidence I have left I'm sorry for the following wall of text I'm not good at expressing how unable to cope with life I am retelling the situations that I believe caused this is all I could think of This Christmas has broken me I spent more days than I can count of this year looking forward to today Last year was the first real Christmas I d spent with my mother and felt like a family I was blind from the early years of my life was present for the early part of schooling but may as well not have been for the social experience I got out of it At just about the time I started to build a shred of social confidence my parents divorced my father took it very badly and threatened me that if I didn't go with him, I'd never see him again Mum was very understanding when I relayed his threat and as such never attempted to take custody of me my younger brother staying with her though He moved into the middle of nowhere for the purpose of isolation and began drinking and smoking weed in excess Barely a month passed before he d gotten lonely of doing it alone and started supplying me with as much as I wanted of both There was no one else around nothing to do I smoked every day this way for years avoiding drinking due to being terrified of him when he did and not wanting to become that myself My the birthday was spent pleading with him NOT to order prostitutes a plea which he ignored, and I was only saved from this due to him having an out of service number During this I was poisoned against my mother listening to him blame her for our every problem day and night caused me to hate her I started to believe his lies about her having cheated unable to see the clearly insane and hateful man feeding me this information I was fearful of him when he grew angry at this time but during these two years he never physically hurt me He found a partner online at this time, and we moved to a location considered to be a tourist destination on weekends it was populated but a ghost town during the week I struggled to make friends in this environment and school had long since passed as an option for me to help the process At this time while living with his partner his outbursts started to take physical from It started with grabbing my shoulder and squeezing hard enough to cause pain moved to shoving until one night drunken and enraged that I was failing to find a job shoved me into the corner of a room and attempted to kick me He tried twice I blocked both before dashing out the door I sat the night on a bench before going to the job employment services the only government building I was familiar with and pleaded for help The angel of a lady there managed to find a contact number for my mother Mum didn't even ask what had happened she immediately asked where I was and if I wanted her to come get me That is where the hard part of my life ended Since then I've managed to progress had a three-year relationship and even come out of the breakup with my hopes intact Last Christmas was when I finally came home to stay with mother again properly as stated it was the first time I'd felt like I was with my family This Christmas today I woke to the day having passed the presents were open including the present we'd triple wrapped to watch my dog my best friend open And everyone was back in their rooms This broke me I d looked forward to this morning all year The moment I was back in my room after discovering everything had passed I broke I was cowering in the corner of my room with the kitchen knife running across my wrists didn't matter how much pressure I applied that thing was just too blunt to cut me This is not a usual behavior for me there was no plea for help I just returned to my room and attempted to take my life I'm horrified by this I'm horrified by having spent the rest of the day behind a locked door the knife in one hand alternating between running it over my arm and pointing it at the door in fear whenever I heard someone passing by I was saved by a knife being blunt and never want to be in this situation again I m terrified to reach out for help I can't continue to spend so much energy to get through each day though I've booked several psychologists visits I get there and am either unable to properly talk about things skim over details that are important to me and am too scared to go back to them or just leave completely disheartened that this is clearly their job, and they don't care at all I'm yet to make it to my fourth session this has lead to my doctor placing something on my record stating as such that now has me even more scared to try again I don't know what I expect of this though any advice is appreciated |
French | J'en ai marre de vivre mais j'ai peur du suicide depuis environ un an, je dirais que j'aime l'idée, mais je déteste les effets SID Puisque je ne suis pas un adulte, mais je ne peux pas aller acheter un pistolet et me tirer dessus, ce qui semble être la façon la plus facile de ne pas dire à quel point ma vie est merdique parce que personne ne s'en soucie de toute façon, je veux juste parler à d'autres personnes qui ressentent la même chose. |
French | a ne s'améliore pas Tout le monde qui vous dit que ça ment a ne s'améliore jamais |
English | There are bugs all over me can't fucking stand this No one takes this seriously They think I'm fucking make shit up I'm not There are maggots inside me, I don't know what to do They're eating me alive And I'm depressed to The maggots are going to eat up my stomach lining and my stomach acid will dissolve my body and I'm going to fucking die Just now I coughed up this black shit It's probably blood and maggot waste I'm fucking decomposing and I'm alive |
French | Comme le titre suggère que j'ai été diagnostiqué avec la schizophrénie il y a quelques jours, je suis seulement j'ai perdu tous mes amis à l'école, même ceux que je pensais que je pouvais faire confiance à mon meilleur ami ou alors je pensais qu'il était mon meilleur ami dit toute l'école et maintenant tout le monde pense que je suis fou et devrait être mis de côté. |
English | I feel Obligated to live feel obligated to live Obligated to my parents namely my mother I don't really want to live any more Don't get me wrong I'm not really depressed like everyone else here I just don't understand the point of living My whole life I haven't exactly been sad or ever that happy I gain no joy from my friends or any hobbies or anything else Life is just a lot of work honestly I don't want to go to college I don't want to get a job I don't want to do this and that in my life because I have to Its all tedious constant work Where is the enjoyment Shouldn't we be alive to enjoy our short time here not spend it doing things we hate that won't matter in years from now I don't see death as a depressing thing that you SHOULDN'T do Some will say Oh no you have so much to experience still First off bullshit Second who cares once I'm dead I won't care that I didn't experience any of it Although I feel I might as well stay alive to get a girlfriend at some point That may be interesting for a short time Although I've never had any cravings for social interaction And like I said earlier once I'm dead it won't matter what I have and haven't done I just want to be in a state of none living but that would make my family especially my mother sad, so I don't want to do that to her BUT If I do it I'd want to do something funny or cool on my way out Any ideas So what Shall I end it or not INB You'll say don't do it |
French | null |
English | I Feel I m At A Low Point In My Life For four years of my life I've had depressing thoughts and thoughts of taking my own life Two tragic life events both deaths that occurred around the same time brought these feelings up, and they have stayed with me my whole life I lost my faith in religion for a long time because of these two events For a while I could deal with my feelings and in a way keep them suppressed I even had someone close to me who I would speak about these things to but she has since left and is happy in her new life and I don't want to burden her with my problems I'm a loner anti-social type who gets anxiety from meeting new people or experiencing new situations The few friends that I have seen me as the guy who is always happy and upbeat the guy always willing to help them if they need a helping hand However it's just an act for them because I don't want them to see me in the shape I m in now Everyday I wake up I always have a thought that brings my spirit down for the day and it's occurring more and more I feel as if I have been spiraling down for a while with no pick me up in sight |
English | I've been looking for sex on Grindr all day and nobody wants me Why should I even fucking bother I'm ugly I'm not wanted obviously by other guys I just want to cry and fucking die |
French | Le plancher m fumant sur ma fenêtre je vis dans le sol il n'y a pas de filets me tenant il pleut c'est un beau jour je pense à sauter toute cette douleur serait plus en une seconde |
English | I just fucking hate my life m sitting here drunk on a bottle of UV blue just hating myself and having nowhere to express it This will probably be a mess so you've been warned I fucking hate that I overthink everything I hate how I feel fucking awkward around nearly percent of the people I know and I have to deal with that I hate how I think everyone hates me how I think I have to do everything fucking perfect, or I will just dwell and dwell and dwell I fucking hate that my inattentive add makes me a complete fucking moron with slow response times and extreme aloofness I hate that when I first became depressed and started antidepressants I've been living in an an hedonic pleasureless hell for the past ten years I hate that I'm basically addicted to my medication Adderall because I feel so fucking flat I hate the fact that I'm completely unable to get close to anyone because I m terrified of revealing any of my inner thought years of therapy has been ineffective because I am so guarded I'm also addicted to alcohol and I hate that I'm going to wake up regretting this post tomorrow I seriously hate my fucking life and I want to die |
English | Why do I even bother What's the point of it all if I'm miserable all the time I've lost passion for things that I used to really enjoy and the last thing I truthfully hold dear is starting to slip away My music the one thing that honest to God keeps me from going insane and outright killing myself I've tried and failed to do, so I keep telling myself it's worth keeping my head up just another day, but something always comes to drag me down whether it be an argument with my parents they don't know anything about this or a bad day or just my thoughts dragging me down I've been playing the game of life for years and the last I've spent on autopilot most of it doing things I thought I wanted to do and it's all just turning up to be wasted bullshit time when I graduated from high school got my equivalent diploma homeschooled I felt empty it felt like I just accomplished this and you're telling me that's great but if you really want to do anything at all with your life spend another X years in college getting a BS degree that really ends up not meaning much to an employer it just makes me feel miserable to the point where I wouldn't mind a bullet to the brain or a handful of pills to end it all but I then think about what I'll never experience I'm a virgin never been in a relationship don't have my driver's license or a permit any more I've never made a purchase of more than and a lot of that seems to far off to bother waiting for I was going to ask a girl out from a class in college last semester but the last time I saw her she introduced me to her boyfriend it like I finally get the balls to do this and it s rubbed in my face like that Why did I even bother if the first place I don't know man it's like sometimes when I go to a fire call and it's already all burnt to the ground we are like too late now all we can do is put out the smoldering remains and hope it doesn't flare back up after we leave I'm even considering resigning from my volunteer fire department at this point but it's just another thing I have to explain my way out of to my parents and chief and then pay for the classes that I've taken etc. I'm sure it would break their hearts to hear that I committed suicide and someone else may end up taking theirs because we lost one of our guys to cancer late last year and for most of us that wound is still fresh me included and to top it all off of was messaging a guy here back and forth for a while just about stuff and I haven't heard from him in about months I'm pretty sure they killed themselves I feel guilty and responsible, and it all snowballs to bigger and bigger things Does anyone have the chance to chat Just pass a message around etc |
English | I'm too fucking tired can't keep doing this any more I don't have the energy to do anything every day I come home from work and all I want to do is fall to the ground until one of my roommates scrapes me up to get ready for work again I can't sleep, or I oversleep I'm so exhausted all the time but the second I lay in bed all I can do is stare at the wall I can't eat anymore because I don't have the energy and I don't want to put in the effort and if I do, it upsets me cause it's just MORE stuff that I have to clean up and put away and when I eat I just feel so disgusting I'm trying to keep showering I know I smell I know I look greasy but it's just so much effort and I feel so anxious when I'm spending any me time which also includes sleeping I don't know what I can do anymore that will get me over this but it's just been so fucking long since I can remember being content and at peace |
English | It is NOT worth it Took way too many propranolol pills yesterday regretted it almost immediately I have very little gag reflex so shoving a hand down my throat usually doesn't work It got real very quickly as panic kicked in, and I started puking everywhere Most of it got flushed out I ended up feeling like crap sleeping forever and occasionally woke up to wobble to the bathroom and splash cold water on my face My boyfriend checked up on me just now and let me tell you this is NOT worth it feel horrible and wish I just sucked it up and dealt with it properly It's a cowardly thing to do and I've never felt more disappointed in myself needless to say so is he |
English | I will probably die in the next few hours feel free to AMA me while I am still Hera took my whole diazepam box right now should do it my vision is getting kinda blurry a buzz is getting louder in my ears I feel cold I am dying I think I studied like the fucking nerd that I am so I could get to the college I wanted to join so much but for what why would it be work living I am below average EVERY WAY POSSIBLE MY HEIGHT MY APPEARANCE MY PERSONAL YYY THE SIZE OF MY HANDS EVERYTHING I WAS SO HAPPY BECAUSE I THOUGHT I HAD GROWN CM AT YEARS OLDbshbdhshiwqj |
French | Chaque soir, je me demande si j'aurai le courage de me tenir debout, je me demande si je ne veux pas mourir, je veux juste mettre fin à cette solitude et à ce vide dans ma vie, mais je ne sais pas si les choses iront mieux, j'ai peur tous les soirs et bien je suis juste fatigué de vivre comme ça. |
English | Life isn't worth living as an ugly teenage male I'm running out of reasons to live Love doesn't exist when you're ugly it's just pain constant pain These days I fantasize about how I would kill myself A gun is so messy and unreliable I wish I could get the lethal injection That would be relatively painless, and I could just leave No more suffering no more being shamed for being a virgin I wouldn't have to look in the mirror and cry any more I could just die finally |
French | Le sens de la vie a beaucoup pensé à cela ces derniers temps Quand tout semble sans signification comme ce qui est le but d'aller de l'avant Pourquoi ne pas simplement mourir et devenir une partie plus significative de l'univers Comme dans la matière les blocs de construction de toute l'existence Pour moi qui sonne comme la bonne chose à faire maintenant si je devais vous dire quel est mon but dans la vie que ce serait Et j'irais faire ce devoir juste instantanément si je pouvais le faire sans blesser à nouveau |
English | I swallowed mg amlodipine pills kinda regret it Will I die I don't want to go to the hospital I'm scared |
English | Just in case He didn't think I'd be back here so soon I tried doing this same thing a few months ago but I really truly miserably failed Good or bad Who knows Basically this is my just in case note The one I have ready in case I ever decide to actually go through with it Hell I figure this place is as good as any to post it Maybe I'll feel better about myself Doubt it but who knows I really shouldn't even feel the way I do So sad So done Everything is in my favor except me Well not everything but a lot of things Ah well So who the fuck am I Hi I m Ben I m years old white as fuck American male I've lived in different places across the U S and attended as many schools I've been hopping in and out of depression since the fourth grade I've now been through or not exactly sure therapists Oh sure they worked for a few weeks but nothing really beyond that I never really let on how bad I'm doing Not to anyone I have already seen pathetic and whiny enough That's what some have told me anyway Nah soldier on Or don't that's always the option If you re-reading this as a friend family member that's the option I took I never really fit in anywhere I could find friends sometimes but they were often few and far between Always preferred being alone anyway Let s me think about whatever I want Anyway onto the life spilling I'm a bisexual Some would accept that others wouldn't I wasn't ever really sure who so I mostly kept it to myself I'm a furry Sometimes this was actually harder on me than the whole bisexual business Hell this almost drove me over the edge a few months ago when mom freaked out about it, I passed of the reason to that as something else and not very well but whatever and just kept that mostly to myself Parents think it was a factor but not much of a part This part is reserved for well my kinks I'll edit it in if I ever do it but Reddit readers can defer to u West if they really want to know I was bullied sometimes at the various schools I went to I'm fairly sure the issue was smaller than what I thought but definitely it was bigger than I told anyone Bullied because I was different Here's the thing about me, I ring in at above average intelligence Anyone who knows a thing about me knows that What almost nobody knows is that I was sometimes made fun of for that What I was really made fun of for though looking back was because I was just so Weird Weird all around Whatever that's all done for now I'll end this here for tonight pick up in the morning if I feel like it |
English | I think my mate might be suicidal mate Rainbow Jeremy will reject anything to do with technology check out his website if you don't believe me he just sits at his home smoke his homegrown and check this he don't have a telly Recently he has stopped going to the Stained meetings and I think something is wrong What should I do |
French | null |
English | I wish I could have a cat or something to keep me going My dads allergic to dogs and cats and my parents don't want to get a hypoallergenic dog or cat bc they think it's too risky I've j heard all these stories' about dogs and cats saving ppl from killing themselves and that's what I want but I can't have any I j feel so alone and so, so tired |
French | Je ne suis pas déprimé sentir comme je veux mourir, mais ma vie n'est pas mal, je ne ressens pas vraiment le besoin d'être en vie, mais je ne peux pas obtenir cette image d'aller à la cuisine claquer un couteau dans mon crâne et d'en avoir fini avec la vie, car rien ne peut m'arrêter. |
English | Anyone else unable to feel any form of joy I haven't felt joy happiness in years I literally can't find even a once of joy in anything nothing Is there a point to life with the inability to feel joy I don't see any |
English | Tired of it all m just tired of life Tired of waking up every single day to myself as I hate how I look Tired of never getting to be happy This depression is always here OCD drives me insane bad anxiety and horrible social anxiety I'm so shy and boring Haven't worked in a year and I have no energy to even apply My parents just think I am a lazy fuck I mean I am I often exercise usually but that doesn't help meditation just makes me worse off too Everyday I have to wake up to see people in love people who don't have a clue what mental illness is people who are much smarter and way more attractive and loved People are living in heaven meanwhile i m in hell And It's good to know that if God does exist he doesn't seem to care much about me Everyday I just keep telling myself I want to die i ve been close before and sometimes its just unbearable I was tough enough to last like years with all these mental illnesses But the rest of my life While also being forever alone and enjoying nothing What's the point There is no point if I'm dead while also being alive why should I be alive I don't know how much longer i ll last and I definitely don't want to hear any of your cheesy BS comments telling me it'll get better Even if things do i ll still be in the prison of my own mind so it doesn't matter what happens Fuck life man |
French | Rien de bon ne vient de mon existence si j'avais plus de pilules |
French | Mon petit ami essaie de rompre avec l'esprit ici a essayé plusieurs fois et je pense que c'est qu'il est émotionnellement et mentalement et verbalement abusé de moi tout au long de la relation, il donne une merde sur moi, il me TLE m'aime, il a dit qu'il m'épouserait, mais il veut me quitter, je suis assis dans la maison entouré de trois armes à feu seul, je veux mourir putain maintenant |
French | Au revoir tout le monde C'est ce que c'est vraiment c'est que je vais dégringoler des gallons de sol de pin blanchissant et de détergent à lessive Je les ai tous à côté de moi avec les bouchons je devrais mourir lentement après les avoir bu J'ai apprécié tout le soutien que j'ai eu dans ce Subreddit Mais je ne peux tout simplement pas continuer à vivre comme ça Il n'y a pas d'autre moyen de me tuer |
English | The week after I tried to kill myself attempted suicide on Saturday August I took Pail pills and glasses of vodka I regretted it almost immediately and threw up half an hour later The pain that night was awful And the next days too I felt like my blood was boiling underneath my skin I was very, very dizzy all the time I couldn't take it anymore so I asked for help I am now at the hospital in a section for depressed people I'm doing well, and I was offered an internship for this year and that was exactly what I was looking for Things are looking up Don't give up asking for help is good I'm happy I'm still alive I posted this yesterday on r depression, but it got deleted I want people to see that there is hope and that asking for help is good Scary but good |
English | I m done Everything is too much the girl I liked and liked me I was too much of a pussy to ask her out now she's going out with someone else lame reason to die ya it is No one has my back in this world people say they care, but they don't I can't carry on things won't changed I see all these posts and I think why haven't I'm done it, yet then I think there's still hope Let s be honest there's no hope for me, I m to far gone Whoever is reading this there is still a chance for you if you're just lurking stop lurking these posts will bring you down Goodbye fellow depressed friends I m done |
English | I will die of ways suicide war or naturally And I am contempt with the idea of how it will all end No one needs to know because no one should even though they may care It's not my place as a young man to express this stuff because it's not how I should act This inner peace is haunting yet calming I will live with these thoughts forever and if I end my life I end my life Whatever happens happens And that's ok |
English | I m fed up with expectation and goals m fucking done and what to just live life for a change instead of constant reminder of how good my fucking perfect my cousins and how I have to be like them, I just want to fucking live my life for a day I haven't been happy in the last years struggling to do well and constantly succeed I know many friends envy my achievements but deep fucking down I'm dead, and I know that someday or the other I'm going to just kill myself Life is not worth living any more it's just fucking isn't I'm fed up with my parents treating me like a fucking investment I'm fucking tired of my parents forcing me to do things in a certain way I want out quickly I don't even fucking now why I'm writing this Fuck this shit |
English | Please help I want to kill myself, but I want to live at the same time m lonely and having bad suicidal thoughts I can't stop crying and I'm thinking about doing it I feel at loss I know things can get better but they haven't in years and I'm trying so hard to make my life better I just want to be loved, but I realize not all people are destined for that |
English | I feel really alone and am pretty sure I'm going to fail in life Well to begin I am not killing myself I just don't know where else to post this and I really need some support right now I'm pretty sure everyone in my life hates me and if they don't they at least seem to always walk all over me, I've always been nice to the people I really care about specifically my girlfriend and my family but it feels now like they just walk all over me and always get angry at me over the smallest things Today my girlfriend smacked me because I accidentally distracted her from a game she was playing She died in the game and then cursed me out and smacked me really hard It reminds me of when my family would put me down or when my stepdad would say I was worthless and stupid It made me really sad and is part of the reason I am making this post to begin with I'm exhausted of how everything I do is wrong but everyone else is right and no one else has to change but me I'm not allowed to get angry but everyone else is While this hasn't been said to me in the exact way I'm wording it is s pretty much what I've been told by most people whenever something bad happens to me because of the actions of someone else even if it's intentional or accidental I'm exhausted of it honestly I'm not allowed to speak up at all Now what does this have to do with failing at life Well You see from to I was pretty much homeless with my family and going from house to house so I couldn't enroll in school So I technically never began the the Grade I'm currently but I'll be turning this year Ever since I was a kid it was my dream to go into a university and become successful in the field of Japanese linguistics I've always wanted to be a translator and I've followed that dream so much that I started learning Japanese as I was a child all the way up until the present As of now I'm actually very good for someone self-taught in the language and it's the only other language I know besides English I can play any game in Japanese and read the language really well apparently However there's still a long way for me to go until I can be truly proficient in the language But I've pretty much come to terms with the fact that I'll never be successful and that I'll never become a translator like I had hoped for I do fan translations of certain video games and I can't even do those right because I lose track due to everything going on in my life Sure I can read write program a little bit and translate but what was the point I can never get a career Everyone walks all over me My girlfriend and I are long distance and I'm currently at her house but now what I can't do anything right All I do is bother people I barely know anything that could ever be important to me like actual life skills and social skills and I'm pretty sure I'm just an annoying and idiotic person judging by how I'm treated by people most of the time I'm just done right now Sure I won't kill myself because I have no desire to now or ever but I still feel very sad and want to know what to do and why people I care about always walk all over me in certain ways For most of my life I've pretty much been put down or criticized whenever I do anything right or wrong and it's really made me feel like giving up a lot of things |
French | J'ai le pressentiment ont une envie de mettre mon à ma tête et appuyez sur la gâchette je ne peux pas supporter les gens travaillent la vie |
French | Je ne veux pas mourir plus j'ai essayé si dur pour tendre la main à mes amis parce que je me sens si proche du suicide et quand ils continuent à poster cette merde sur Oh appelez-moi ce numéro m'appeler merde mais ils ne me répondront pas parce qu'ils ne veulent pas me tuer je ne sais pas quoi faire je suis en train d'essayer de m'accrocher à l'espoir que ça ira mieux je ne serai pas comme ça pour toujours |
English | Help me There s demons in my head they want me to kill myself It's not for attention it's never been for attention I don't want to hurt anybody He willed that in stern |
French | Ma famille et moi avons vécu dans un hôtel pendant des années ont dû quitter l'école ce semestre essentiellement parce que je ne pouvais pas payer Mon seul espoir est qu'une autre école m'accepter et me payer une aide financière complète ou à proximité, mais je ne pense pas qu'ils seront jusqu'à ce que ma facture est payée parce que l'autre école ne sera pas libérer mes relevés de notes Je dois aussi obtenir une voiture pour le travail parce que l'hôtel est au milieu de ne pas être |
English | I'm giving up I'll be dead in a few weeks I'm way too tired to start writing stuff about myself since no one will read it anyway Basically I hate people I think everyone s terrible and that no one has any empathy I shouldn't be upset over something like this I should get over it But I can't do it is s too much for me So I'll be dead in a few weeks I don't really care about my family anyway I've got no friends obviously I don't even care if anyone will miss me |
English | I keep waking unit s so demoralizing when you keep waking up when you should be dead The only joy I have is the brief feeling of nothingness Then I wake up and all the emotions come rushing back to me, I'm exhausted I'm not sure how much longer I can do this |
French | Je ne peux pas penser à une personne qui serait jamais là pour moi Pas d'amis seul enfant que je n'ai absolument rien et tout ce que je pense constamment est comment si je devais mourir, il ne signifierait rien parce que je ne suis rien Les gens qui ont dit qu'ils seraient toujours là ne sont pas incapables de me rendre heureux Si je pouvais dormir pour toujours Je le ferais parce que les rêves sont les seules évasion |
French | Il n'y a pas si longtemps, quand mon état mental était particulièrement mauvais, j'ai écrit une note de suicide, je n'avais rien à dire à mes parents ou à aucun de mes amis, sauf un que je n'avais pas besoin de donner une explication, je préférais peut-être que mes problèmes meurent avec moi plutôt que d'exister dans la tête des autres. |
English | I was told to post here Hello So I made This post HTTP WWW Reddit com r DoesAnybodyElse comments Jews DAE have suicidal thoughts on a daily basis last night somebody told me to make a post here So basically I've been having suicidal thoughts for a few years now thoughts like how I'd kill myself who would be effected what if anything would happen to me afterward Never really crossed into serious planning but at one point I put aside a bottle of OxyContin and Vodka and hid it in my bookcase It s made me feel perfect to just have it sit there but I have no plans to use it I don't think I'm depressed I'll have my waves of bad thoughts but I'd say a good of my day is me having genuine fun and being happy I just don't really know where to go from here I thought the suicidal thoughts I was having were as normal as people s murder rape thoughts Happens a few times a day but never anything serious so no harm no foul right But reading some comments last night and this morning have led me to believe that suicidal thoughts are not normal but I'm pretty confident mine are just thoughts and will never lead to actions Should I just go on with my life like normal |
English | Just want people to know what's happening in my life since I can't really tell someone IRL without them freaking out or something I really don't want to but stuff is going to happen soon resulting in me loosing my family school and my long term girlfriend I'm really scared im a coward and honestly would rather be dead than try to fix this mess Mess is putting it lightly though If my life was a large puzzle it'd be like just throwing the entire thing in a fire of shame I'm thinking about just cutting an artery but IDT I'd have the stomach for that but I'll figure something out I hear it takes a while to bleed out If you don't hit an artery so people are usually discovered and saved Fortunately I live alone in a dorm room and no one ever visits, so I have a lot of time I wrote a note in class addressed to my girlfriend Looking back at it is s kinda all over the place but I don't feel like fixing it I hear if you slit your arm it can cause permanent damage if you fuck up so I got some medical stuff just in case I wake up and decide not to try again right after I guess I'm writing this here to make sure people know I don't have a history of depression and haven't really shown any obvious reasons for something to think I'd ever kill myself I feel a certain sense of control and calmness and I'm actually looking forward to the time I have to make the decision If I decide to go through with it, I'll let you guys know |
French | Je ne peux jamais être heureux juste abandonner Longue histoire courte Pendant des années, je me suis senti vraiment merdique au point où j'ai planifié et tenté de me suicider et de me blesser Je ne peux jamais être heureux Il y a seulement quelques mois, j'ai eu la plus grande chute de ma vie, j'ai eu l'impression que je n'avais pas d'amis à qui parler. |
English | Every morning Every morning I wish I didn't wake up Every day I wish it would be my last I keep going because of my family and friends I actually don't seem or look depressed, and it would most likely be a surprise if I did end my own life I am still here I probably will still be here for a while I am depressed and suicidal I read other posts about near-death experiences or of when people were considered clinically dead and they made it sound peaceful It's sleeping without dreams Sleeping and not waking up No more thinking and no more depression or anxiety I was done awhile ago but if I keep going it s to work until I retire get my pension and just grow old and have a natural death I'm still young, but I really feel done I am turning this year I am single, but I don't want to be with anyone I'm mentally not strong enough to be in a relationship, so I see myself living the rest of my life alone When I write about this it actually calms me down This morning I was having a panic attack about going into work and expressing this helps me to just feel numb and get through life I still really want it all to just end though amp x B amp x B |
English | Question for everyone Serious question for those with mental illness here what is your coping method from day to day Mine was the gym, but they shut it down in lockdown I'm interested to know yours |
English | I m Just So Done and Frustrated have never been this depressed in my entire life it has never been this bad before and I'm so tired of crying every single day and being in an eternal anxiety attack Over months ago I moved back to my home state leaving the city I always dreamed of and loved I didn't think it would be a big deal leaving my job because I've never had issues finding a job before A little over a month after I moved I got offered a great job with what I thought was a great company and great money Well turns out they had decided to eliminate the position I had originally been offered so that left me with no job Upon further research of the company they are involved in a lot of sketchy things I started looking for other jobs and now it s been months, and I am just so done I have never had an issue finding a job before, but this time has been awful I've been to over interviews and none of them have done anywhere except for one that I was offered from the hiring manager that was then denied by the owner of the company because I would have been the only female besides the hiring manager there, and he only wants guys working there I am in the process of filing a complaint against them, I've had no money for months because I had let my boyfriend use it all because I didn't think I'd be having this much trouble My relationship is deteriorating by the day because now neither one of us have money, and he blames me for every thing because I ran out of money I've gone to staffing agencies which have all been sketchy and advertise jobs they don't even have who have nothing I've been to counselors who have told me to take things off my resume my master s degrees and a lot of my previous employment because it shows all my experience and places aren't going to want to pay what I've previously been paid Nothing has worked I went from an average of an hour to lowering myself to then then which I haven't made since I was and realizing I'm going to be working or jobs just to get us an apartment, and yet I still can't get a job There is no money At all I don't even have gas to go see him My friends some of who I've been staying with are all so done with me begging for money all the time I seriously just don't know what to do any more I've never been in this position before and I've lost every thing and nothing is getting better I just don't want to live anymore |
French | Je ne pense pas que je peux le supporter plus ne pensais pas que je pouvais couler plus bas, mais mon cœur s'est brisé complètement et je ne pense pas que je peux continuer longtemps Je déteste cette vie Je déteste tout ce qui ne va pas au-dessus de tout ce que je suis sûr que je viens d'avoir rompu avec et cette personne était la personne la plus importante dans toute ma vie Je pense que mal commencer auto nuire à nouveau voir où cela me mène à |
French | J'ai l'impression que le suicide est comme une griffe essayant de m'attraper mais je m'enfuis, mais je sais qu'un jour je serai fatigué de courir, et ça m'arrivera alors pourquoi ne pas arrêter de courir maintenant je veux dire que ça semble inévitable |
French | Aidez-moi à savoir si la police peut savoir si une personne qui s'est suicidée n'a pas vraiment été tuée. |
English | I don't know what to do I'm a recovering meth everything junkie who was going to have a year in two weeks Last night I went to visit my sister and friend in a place I've never really been before I ended up rather than going home right after my sister left on a flight sitting in a Buffalo wild wings drinking I just turned this year and had never drunk at a bar before, and I suppose I just wanted to feel like everybody else in the place I felt absolutely terrible after three beers I decided to drive home and told my roommates what happened the entire three-hour drive all I could think about was how disappointed I was in myself how I had made all this progress in my life to throw it away because of peer pressure I felt like a failure and I still do right now I know how silly it seems, and even I think it's silly I feel as though I let myself down and everyone around me, I just want to give up I have a solid support system that I set up trying to get sober but I feel as if I disappointed them as well I feel horrible I called out of work today and let my boss down I lied to him about why I was calling out and this is a place I just recently got promoted at and was actually rising in ranks and doing a great job I'm so lost I so desperately want to be like all the people I went to high school with and just be in college and partying and acting normal not becoming suicidal over the fact that I drank a couple beers All I've thought about today is giving up my drive home last night it took everything in me to not slam down on the gas pedal and let myself drift into something For a time in the past year I was actually looking forward to the future and now I'm back where I was most of the last years feeling like shit ashamed of who I am deeply and wanting anything to take it away The worst part now is that I don't have drugs to do that now I used to use drugs to take all that pain away, and it worked for a time but it doesn't any more Even if I picked up meth or heroin or whatever chemical you gave me and put as much of it in me as I could it wouldn't make me feel any better and that's the worst part I want it to just end I'm tired of trying so hard to be better only to go right back to demoralizing tunnel that leads to some bitter end of either directly killing myself or slowly dying an addict death |
English | If I killed myself would my dad have to keep paying child support Genuine question I'm very tired of being yelled at about it |
French | Je sais la ligne de crise et je l'ai utilisé après quand j'avais une attaque de panique je sais que ce n'est pas une chose saine à faire mais j'ai fait quelque chose de stupide par impulsion je me suis brûlé moi-même j'ai vraiment besoin d'une excuse alors le père de ma fille sait que mon histoire nous avons été ensemble années j'ai vu mon pire alors que j'avais toujours coupé sur mes chevilles et mes poignets |
French | Quel est le but Pourquoi devons-nous rester en vie |
English | HATE MYSELF HATE MYSELF LITERALLY HATE MYSELF SO MUCH WHAT S THE FUCKING POINT |
English | Stay Untitled Song Stay My Chemical Romance |
English | I'm either feeling sad or angry all the time My family complains that I only eat sweets and sleep too much but they forget it's the only moments I feel happy I'm often tired of having so many confusing thoughts and would like to end it all |
English | Why not I've felt like a failure for years Now it's peaking I got and lost a job within a week because I couldn't match the required pace in their bullshit system Despite how much I try I'm useless at everything Even video games which are supposed to be fun are nothing except a reminder of my complete ineptitude at everything I had to move to a different state with my family because at I'm too shitty to be living on my own I lost my girlfriend because of how stupid I was And my parents don't listen They keep guilting me with how my death would make them feel I'm tired of it They know I have no reason to want to live so that's the only card they have left Unfortunately I have no workable plan I used to live about a half hour from the suicide bridge in the US but now I don't know what I could do I'm too much of a coward to slit my wrists and I'm too shitty with knots to hang myself |
English | Do not do it have been reading some text from holy book Quran and it says with certainty that no matter how much you are suffering you must not kill yourself because the details and time of that is to be decided by god and by doing this you sort of injustice god and it has also been said that the heaven gates will shut from them, and they are to remain in hell you should start reading the book right now you would see that it is the ultimate truth and the last word the last sign and miracle that is to remain forever so you don't he lost or tell god that if you sent us a way we would be Trent s in the next life and that it is too late to say anything THEN read it right though the same way angels would worship god you must be in that state try to and learn how the prophets prayed the redemption is the promise of this book for those who would listen and are not yet deaf by their vanity and their ego so being self less is the key to being then to repent and do everything exactly the way it says for your own good |
English | Trying to reach out don't believe in much help anymore, but I keep trying to reach out, but everyone is to busy to care just leaves me on seen without saying anything these are straight up adults and I don't think anyone s going to help the people at church I've told talk to me more cos of everything I told them I try to call my friends or whatever no one picks up or texts back later asking why just silence from everyone, and it makes me feel so crap like my social worker has shown to me how unimportant the fact that I'm really suicidal and hasn't got round to taking to anyone like I really am so against them talking to adults about this but the fact it s been weeks and it's on her to-do list further makes me believe how unimportant I am to anyone oh we I won't be much problem any more I m going to stop trying and when I do I'm pretty sure that's where I m going to lose everything and one further but if that's what will happen did I ever really matter to them in the first place |
French | J'ai assez d'antidépresseurs pour supporter aussi les analgésiques et les somnifères dans l'espoir que c'est une mort indolore pendant mon sommeil je n'ai plus rien à chercher dans la vie je n'ai plus d'espoir je n'ai plus d'espoir je ne peux plus rêver je peux encore me retenir je peux encore être cette personne heureuse avec une grande estime de soi tu as |
English | I want to disappear Disclaimer I'm not an English native I'm sorry that my text can be confusing and not easy to understand not to mention this is a WALL OF TEXT of me rambling I want to disappear Being born into a poor family and getting told that becoming an engineer could save me from poverty and debts I have tried so hard in school years I am still a student in my master s degree, but I feel like current challenges are too big to deal with not to mention future ones For a period of time I continuously ask myself if my mother had gone into labor a day after or a day before the child would have been another person I just simply didn't exist and witness all the miserable things in my life Maybe that child would not have such a big dream would not demand my parents to pay his studying abroad plan by their retirement savings which leads to them selling their only house OMG would not unintentionally make my older brother choose a less costly university but noticeably worse My parents were prepared to give birth to an ordinary second son not a sucker who sucks all the money in the family however is not sure about the outcome of the studying abroad plan And yeah obviously this pandemic situation makes everything even harder Different from others I don't wish to die I just wish that I could suddenly disappear and could be replaced by another man who doesn't get ashamed about his own sexuality who is less ambitious who could accept their life without worrying too much about achievement about academic success about politics about future life and even about obsessions with global problems Above all the man replacing me is the one whose will dreams and life would not make anyone else in my family change their decision and plan is the one who can bring joy and secure feelings to my family I grow up in an environment that not being straight is ridiculous People call the LGBTQ community by offensive names and having a homosexual child is a shame I have been brought up with this mindset as a result I felt ashamed when discovering my sexuality I tried to deny myself as being gay I have been pretending to be straight before everyone and doing my best to neglect questions lie about my sexuality Furthermore I live in a country that what happened to my grandfathers influence my career prospect There was a civil war my grandparents were forced to join the army Naturally there is always a lost side in a war and this was my grandfathers My parents were only kids as the war finished, and they fortunately grew up in peace, but they were brutally prevented from studying in universities What the heck My parents can't study further than year because their father fought for the lost team Now after a while my brother and I are allowed to go to universities, but we are still banned from army political and police ones My brother would like to attend the exam for an army school although his marks were qualified he was refused because of what my grandfathers who died years before my parents got married did in the past Make any sense My brother and I are also not allowed to work for the government even the tiniest office position is impossible Just in the private sector son once said my father The same situation is applied for every family whose members fought for the lost team in that civil war It's tragic when I was born and grew up in a place then I can't get recognized because of my sexuality and something happened more than a half decade ago There are still also tons of other reasons to make me want to flee I desperately want to study abroad to move to another country where I will be accepted regardless of some random thing about me and my family But the journey is too hard My parents must pay such a big amount of money that it risks their retirement not owning a house not having money I lied to them about my sexuality to achieve my goals I even planned to move out forever without thinking of the responsibility of taking care of them I feel guilty because my older brother who should have had the right to ask for his part of money had to choose another university since my parents don't have enough money for two Overall I totally consider myself unworthy of manipulating my family s love I was way too nave two years ago to start this journey I didn't expect the consequence if I fail I just thought about success and happiness and now when everything gets harder and harder I felt exhausted The Covid takes place, and now I felt everything is trying to prevent me from fulfilling my dream What if another me have had born on another day I hope that guy would not begin all this awful plan would make so many his beloveds to be involved in and get suffered I hope that guy would not care too much about inequality he would be straight he would not worry too much about climate change about politics he would just grow up working hard get married and have children like others If by any chance there is anyone like that appears I will definitely be grateful to disappear in the dust to get forgotten forever by everyone to be able to set free from this disappointing world Recently things get worse I start to begging a death These days my head hurt really badly I couldn't concentrate on anything including taking shower and having lunch I cry like a child every night and every time I go out I can't help wishing a car to run over me, It would be a perfect end for me, I guess I don't hope you read the whole text but if you did, I would love to give you a hug I apologize for its coherence as this is a Word document I use to write to release stress whenever I get stressed So what you read above is an edited version of a stress journal I only public this on Reddit because things are truly overwhelmed at the moment and I really need some comment from you Any comments are welcome |
English | I don't understand why I hate myself so much just don't understand I've tried so hard with my family but I still feel like I don't matter I m I have one daughter I just don't think it matters if I'm here or not I sat in degree temperature weather for a couple of hours and I wish I froze I don't know what to do I just want to not exist anymore |
French | Je vois toujours des histoires sur la façon dont les gens ne peuvent pas se tuer parce que cela blesserait leurs parents, mais l'idée de ma mère de merde réalise finalement ce qui me donne envie de le faire pendant des années, la seule mauvaise partie est que je ne serais pas en mesure de voir son visage quand elle entre dans ma chambre pour se plaindre de quelque merde stupide seulement pour voir mon cadavre sans vie. |
French | Que se passe-t-il si vous vous suicidez avec votre propriété J'ai une situation intéressante J'ai décidé que je veux être avec ma petite fille qui a été tuée il y a des années maintenant Je possède une propriété de style de vie et Orchard et de nombreux animaux il y a quelques semaines Mon partenaire de dix ans laissé Je ne veux pas qu'il revienne Ce n'est pas un cri pour quelqu'un pour m'arrêter Je veux juste savoir comment je peux |
English | Kill Your Self Have you ever felt sad or lonely Have you ever felt two feet tall Have you ever thought Man if only I was anybody else at all They like to kick you when times get rough And you give your all but it's not enough And sticks and stones might break your bones But words can break your heart But if you don't know where to go I'll show you where to start Kill yourself it'll only take a minute You'll be happy that you did it Just go over to your oven and shove your head in it Kill yourself really you should do it There's really nothing to it Just grab a mug and chug a cup of lighter fluid Okay now I feel like you pulled back Maybe it's on account of the fact that I'm telling you to kill yourself over an over again I'm just trying to make a simple point That these that life s toughest problems don't have simple answers You shouldn't just be brave You shouldn't just roar You shouldn't kill yourself But I understand that It's a sensitive subject and you're probably just hearing me say that And I've dealt with s I don't want to be Ibsen look I sound unsympathetic I sound mean and rude Suicide is an epidemic And I don't want to be misconstrued Signs of depression go overlooked So if you're depressed Then you need to book a therapy session Talk about your depression And let a professional hear it But if you search for moral wisdom in Katy Perry s lyrics then Kill yourself it won't be painful If you are able To give a little kiss to an oncoming train you'll Kill yourself it's over mull it There's a trigger pull it Get it through your head it being a bullet Stick your tongue in a plug Suck a pipe of exhaust Make some toast in the tub Nail yourself to a cross Hold your breath til it s gone Drink a gallon of mace Be gay in Iran Let Oprah sit on your face Jump off of a bridge Skinny dip in a flood Skydive attached to a fridge Drink a Haitian guy s blood Break into the zoo Give a tiger a shove Eat a Phillips head screw Marry Courtney Love |
English | Tonight is the night ve prolonged it long enough with a lot of failed attempts to turn my life around But I stayed I guess in hopes that I could find some help before it got too bad I couldn't find any Whether that was because I got turned away couldn't afford it or got stuck waiting for someone to answer So I m done now I'm not typing this to make someone care I know no one do I just had to get it out I'm scared and hurting but that will be gone now |
English | So I tried to fully explain myself to my mum still on a completely different wave length tears and feel the same I love my family but I am not fixable the state I am in sucks I'm finally telling others because it's been years now |
French | La pensée de mourir soulage l'anxiété m absolument inutile pour la société car je ne fournis rien que je vis aux États-Unis afin d'obtenir une aide financière ou d'aller obtenir de l'aide mentale est presque impossible ou tout simplement trop cher, j'ai pensé à juste mettre fin à tout, donc je peux cesser d'être un fardeau. |