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French | Bipolar Schizoaffective Disorder Salut Espoir tout le monde va bien Juste pensé que je voudrais partager mon histoire avec vous et j'espère vous aider I CRIEVE IN YOU Vous pourriez le faire à travers ce Il suffit de cliquer sur le lien pour être dirigé vers mon histoire si vous êtes intéressé HTTPS docs google com document d Jr G tout UPR syn APQ VqmEEHelTu Dim edit USP partage HTTPS docs google |
French | Mon père a abusé de ma mère pendant des années devant moi alors que je ne pouvais rien y faire, ils sont toujours ensemble et prétendent que rien ne s'est passé. J'ai aussi été facturé pendant des années. Je n'avais pas d'amis. |
English | I could ve ended it years ago m staying alive hoping that something good happens It feels like watching a TV show and you'd usually like the first episode but you didn't so you keep giving each episode a chance in hopes they turn out to be good But it's not hope can be poisonous at the same time it can be the only thing that keeps me going |
French | Je n'ai rien qui rend la vie digne de se battre pour je suis assis ici dans un restaurant BBQ coréen sur un dîner samedi soir manger par moi-même Mes plans ont échoué aujourd'hui à la fois Plan A et Plan B Comme je suis assis ici à essayer de comprendre quoi faire avec le reste de ma journée, je ne peux pas vraiment venir avec quelque chose de valable C'est quand j'ai commencé à penser à la fin de ma vie |
French | Comment se pendre fonctionne Comment fonctionne la pendaison Ce qui vous tue Ce qui vous fait vous évanouir Est-ce douloureux Pouvez-vous le faire mal Je ne cherche pas quelqu'un pour offrir de l'aide ou me dire hors de lui parce que c'est ennuyeux pas utile et je ne me sens pas suicidaire en ce moment Je suis juste curieux |
English | I'm giving it one more Yerevan t ever seem to do right Grade A mess up Saving a bunch of money for my kids then I'm out |
English | I don't know what to do anymore i m so tired of this So I just got into this Reddit thing and created my account specifically for this reason I cannot cope with my wife and kids any more wife says hurtful things to me and my kids tend to agree with her I'm a monster on the inside and that monster is growing and growing and it can't stop I feel as if I failed as a father and I cant take this any more Everyone in the family hates me and the urge to leave is getting harder to deal with every single day |
English | Courage am a failure I am worthless I am a mess Nothing gives me comfort Nothing brings me joy There isn't any point any more I have everything planned now I just have to work up the courage |
French | Les jours sont extrêmement durs J'ai pensé que si j'avais réussi la semaine, je serais meilleur que je ne l'étais au début, je ne prévois pas de me tuer comme n'importe qui ici, j'en ai marre de voir que les gens veulent des conseils, et ils disent juste qu'ils vont le faire et personne ne sait vraiment quoi dire. |
French | Près du bord Les phrases constantes et monotones de l'ESC commencent à ne rien faire Juste les mêmes mensonges vomis à moi Et personne ne soulève des preuves réelles pour réfuter le fait que ma mort ne signifierait rien dans le grand schéma du monde et les gens autour de moi, je suis censé être une vie faible qui meurt juste C'est comme revenir à ce que j'étais censé être Rien Inexistant Et j'ai juste besoin d'avoir le courage profond |
English | I took a few pills IDK help took like six Tylenol maybe seven i m not sure IDK I know that's def not enough but at the same time in not sure how much I took because I split them in half to swallow easier but I ended up freaking the fuck out and I made myself vomit but I feel kind of six I took them on an empty stomach and i m pounds so IDK WTF is on a happen i m really scared |
French | Hier soir, c'était la première fois que je me suis blessé, et je l'ai fait encore aujourd'hui, j'étais super solitaire même si je transmettais des messages aux gens et j'ai été seul même avec d'autres personnes pendant un moment, je ne comprends pas pourquoi j'étais confus et pleurais quand je l'ai fait, alors j'ai envoyé des messages à certains de mes amis. |
English | How do I help someone who is thinking about suicide My ex texted me that he's going to kill myself and I don't know what to do It s was a long distance relationship, so I can't do much IDK Please help |
French | N'abandonnez pas au moins faites une tentative honnête et suffisante, j'ai fait ma tentative et j'ai abandonné Bonne nuit |
French | Honnêtement, je n'ai aucune idée de ce que je vais faire de ma vie, je suis un junior au lycée, je n'ai littéralement aucun ami, je n'ai personne à qui parler à l'école a été en ligne toute l'année et je n'ai aucune occasion de parler à des pairs ou des enseignants en raison de la façon dont le nouveau programme scolaire est mis en place, je n'ai aucune idée du travail que je veux. |
French | Je ne suis même plus désolé au revoir |
English | I feel like my plan is actually working finally took so long to get this point but I think I'm finally ready going to take a while still but hopefully should be gone before if all goes well |
French | Je ne sais pas combien de temps je peux continuer à vivre Ma vie entière est en pause au début Je pourrais le regarder comme une pause nécessaire, mais maintenant je suis sans direction Je suis probablement en train de différer de l'université et j'ai échoué tellement je ne sais pas si je continue à m'embêter. |
French | Beaucoup de gens disent que vous devriez parler à vos amis ou à votre famille de vos pensées suicidaires, mais est-ce vraiment un bon conseil? D'après mon expérience, les gens deviennent simplement irrités ou tristes, ce qui me rend plus suicidaire. Je pense avoir perdu la plupart de mes amis en raison de mon ouverture d'esprit sur mes pensées suicidaires, mais même ils m'ont dit de leur dire si j'étais suicidaire. |
French | Je pense que j'ai inventé mon milieu de vie est trop douloureux Juste survivre à travers chaque jour devient si difficile que je suis fatigué de tout, mais le plus important se sentir si seul dans ce monde, peu importe combien j'essaie je sais que rien ne changera à ce stade Ce n'est qu'une question de temps Rien ou n'importe quelle importance ou la valeur sera perdue Je vais enfin être libre de ces démons |
English | Trapped Hello to anyone so kind as to read this and listen to my troubles You are truly a wonder to hear out any suicidal person I m at the end of my rope Severe depression and anxiety have plagued me since I was and I am now Grew up in an abusive home and developed agoraphobia that in tandem with my other mental illnesses rules my life To give an idea of how bad my anxiety is I failed classes because I was too scared to leave my seat to turn in my work I was living for my childhood cat until she died a year and a half ago an event I had long figured would mark my demise I was ready to kill myself shortly after her passing but in the days I spent in preparation I met an amazing person who is still my boyfriend I get by for a year with a lot of his help but then lose my job That was six months ago I move in with my boyfriend We have horrid upstairs neighbors that consistently deprive me of sleep insomnia it was already an issue so before I know it my days become entirely composed of doing nothing but trying to sleep I'm scared to leave the house but so miserable and constantly incredibly stressed out from the neighbors that I feel completely trapped I fear that dying is the only way out I moved back in with my mom briefly but not having the daily companionship of my boyfriend saw my mental state unravel even worse than what the neighbors do to it, I would love to just run away and live in my car was homeless once but I'm dependent upon both my medication and unfortunately opiates The opiates are to counteract a horrible thing called akathisia I already tried killing myself due to this wretched disorder twice until opiates brought miraculous relief though they're obviously a double-edged sword I can't get off my meds either as that would undoubtedly end in suicide after experiencing my depression unleashed again So I'm stuck with no job a home I despise but am too scared to ever leave a substance dependence that won't allow me any freedom that I'm not too afraid of and zero future prospects And this is a very general list If I listed everything that is wrong in my head and my life this post would be even more lengthy I don't want to hurt my boyfriend or any of my family but I can't keep this life up I thought I could get through today as long as I got to spend time with my boyfriend but after waiting all week an agonizing amount of time when you are desperate to die he came home with a headache and had to go straight to bed He works long tomorrow I really don't think I can't make it another day |
French | Y a-t-il quelqu'un à qui j'ai besoin de parler, je n'en peux plus, je n'aurais jamais pensé poster ici, mais je n'ai nulle part où aller |
French | Je n'ai jamais eu ce genre d'envie avant que je n'ai jamais eu cette envie de prendre quelque chose à travers mon poignet ou avaler des pilules ou sauter quelque chose de haut Je ne peux pas prendre l'angoisse mentale plus je veux plus je veux plus d'anxiété je veux plus de sang je veux plus de sang je veux plus de sang je veux plus de sang je veux plus de sang je veux plus de sang |
French | J'ai dit au conseiller que je pouvais revenir en arrière dans le temps penser que c'était la plus grande erreur de ma vie, mais oh bien hier, j'ai essayé de me suicider, j'ai échoué parce que j'avais trop peur, je me suis blessé à nouveau Après lui avoir dit un million de fois que je ne voulais pas qu'ils me connaissent, elle a dit à mes parents et je suis sortie de l'école pour aujourd'hui. |
French | null |
French | Je ne peux pas résister à ne pas avoir d'amis mes parents pensent que je suis un idiot ils ne m'aiment pas personne ne veut me parler, j'ai une maladie ne peut pas jouer beaucoup de sports à cause de ma maladie ma vie est merde je veux me suicider |
French | Comment demander de l'aide Je suis un danger pour moi-même Pas que je vais faire quelque chose pour moi-même en ce moment, mais je fais des plans Comment puis-je demander de l'aide, j'ai essayé la thérapie, je l'ai fait empirer les choses comme je sentais qu'ils n'écoutaient pas et ne manquaient pas le point que j'ai vu mon médecin comprendre différents antidépresseurs, mais ils ont soit fait plus de mal ou semblent ne rien. |
French | null |
English | Covid has ruined my life lost my business my cars and soon my house I can't dig out of this my life s work has been stolen I quit |
English | Owning a Gunther s moments where I'm happy that I don't own a gun I feel like I would have done it by now if I did Tonight s not one of those nights I really wish I had one even though I know I'd regret it Sometimes it's too much, and I don't know what else to do except picture pulling the trigger But then there's good times when I'm happy to be alive I definitely need professional help but I'm not motivated to do it instead I'll keep everything bottled up like I've done for years Sorry if this post isn't allowed or something I just needed to get this out |
French | Considérant le suicide, j'ai juste l'impression que je n'ai aucune raison de vivre, je le garde embouteillé chez mes amis et ma famille. Enfer, c'est un compte jetable, donc cela n'aura pas d'impact sur mon compte habituel. J'ai juste l'impression que si je me fais sauter la cervelle, cela ne changera rien. |
English | Sick Girl Ruined Family No Future ND time posting here this time i m actually going to say stuff Here's some backstory I am a year-old female I have PKD Polycystic Kidney Disease Because of this I have stage chronic kidney disease there are in total Being in stage I have to have dialysis times a week for hours not including travel I was bullied a lot for having my central line tubes sticking out under my collar bone used for dialysis and because of my speech impediment my r s sound like w s Racism Due to this I fled into the internet during my childhood to meet new friends because of this I have lied to many of them eventually resulting in them finding out about my lies and them ending the friendship I lie to hide the stuff that bullied me to give me more self-confidence and to sound cool I never had a bf GF a date or a kiss I feel worthless and a burden to everyone I do not have my drivers licenses assumed i wouldn't live to need it so since I was a child I had to have someone drive me to and from dialysis with them waiting for a total of hours wasted My parents hate each other and are only still married due to me My siblings have picked up some bad vices which I blame myself for because of the attention I stole from them My mom quit her job because of my dependence of the dialysis transportation My mom blames my dad for him ruining her career and for lying about a promise of a beach cottage because of me can't get one Recently I have been trying not to be depressed by trying online dating and playing League of Legends It didn't work good When I was online dating it just made me lie to more people to cover myself up I feel bad for it, I have since quit it but I have one dude added on league who gifted about worth of goods It's not like I get announced hey ill, but you BLANK it happened randomly, and I get happy because its exciting, but then I feel terrible because I was happy for it and I don't deserve it I didn't plan this post ahead of time so sorry if my sentence structure isn't good Also I have trust issues I DON'T KNOW WHY I deleted my friend who I met from here with my first post times because I became dependent on him, he wants me to open up to him but I can't I just feel better when I talk to people I don't know Recently I've been having a hard time sleeping and been crying a lot when my parents yell at each other It's my fault for them being forced together and even for them hating each other now Another depressing thing is that if I have kids there is an is chance they will have the same kidney problems assuming I live and get a transplant year expected waiting left But I never even been on a date so I doubt ill ever get married I'm so ugly and retarded with my impediment I suck at league to the guy I met from here I play with his friends all the time and i m just a level level is the highest level everything up to it is just learning how to play and they say I am good I used to believe them but I think that they just want to make me feel good I told him not to tell his friends about my kidney depression IDK if he did but I hope he didn't I'm sorry this is so long TLDR I have no future professionally and relationship wise and I ruined my parents' marriage siblings future Thank you for reading this I Know it is long sorry |
English | I'm just doneEverday its like an empty lake slowly filling up inside my head These past months what little interests and hobbies I had been just not there Can't even do a Simone fucking sketch without wanting to snap my fingers God I wish I'd just die instead if slowly feeling my body and mind degrade There is no reason in even trying to get better at this point and even if there was never anything worth trying to preserve anyway |
French | Ativan et l'alcool comment s mg d'asiatique et beaucoup d'alcool va-t-il me tuer |
English | Not interested in going onto over the last couple of year the suicidal thought have been growing and growing After spending lots of time in therapy and having spent two stays in the hospital I have still come up empty I have been on just about every medication in the book and have yet to really have any complete success I'm surrounded by an extremely supportive family and friends and truly care about them all so much I myself can have perfect day and can enjoy doing thing and constantly try new things in hopes of it helping I try my best at exercising regularly and eating well enough but have yet to have it change how I feel The problem for me is more often than not I do not feel depressed or unhappy I just don't feel much of anything I don't feel weight down or a failure or anything I just don't have any desire to keep going I just would prefer to stop After working through this for so long and diving back as far as I can honestly say I felt this way since I was or years old I'm now and really feel like I'm staying around because I don't want to hurt my family and friends I had a sibling take his own life around the same age as me a few years back, and I watch it completely destroy my parents and other siblings I just can't bring myself to put them through more of that I feel very trapped in the situation and don't really know what to do next I have spent every bit of money I have traveling and trying new places hoping for the best and the feeling has just stayed I don't know really where to go from here |
French | Suicide Lorsque vous appelez la hotline suicide B C Canada et passer assez rapidement et leur dire que vous un sévèrement déprimé ce a été le plus dur Noël jamais Armand chaque coin pointu ressemble à une réponse Alors, que puis-je vous aider avec Je ne sais pas si était sur le but, mais je me suis tellement énervé je suis en place Je suis dehors Je vais profiter de la dernière partie de ma veille de Noël |
English | Ignoring the nagging Its all building up The weekend was soon long and soon full of words I feel like I'm drifting once again my attempts to ignore it are wearing thin I'm better now it can't be this I don't know what's going to happen I just know that I can feel it getting close |
English | When do you cross the line from fantasizing to actually formulating I've had major depressive disorder and a host of anxiety problems for going on years now but it s been worse these past years I think about killing myself at least once a day more so on days I have to go to my shitty barely above minimum wage job I've looked at price of tanks of a certain inert gas not like the price matters if I'm going to be dead anyway but I still can't be bothered to clean my room and wipe my history and make the plans I don't think I really want to die I want to be happy instead it's just that dying is a much easier way out |
French | null |
French | Rien après que la douleur semble juste attraper le train aujourd'hui je sens Mike que je dois pardonner à mon père de me violer presque me tuer Mais cela ressemble à une tentative de suicide Mais je sens que c'est la seule façon que je peux être normal à nouveau je veux désespérément être ok vouloir être seulement aussi tordu que quelqu'un d'autre Je ne veux pas avoir pensé deux fois avant d'utiliser un couteau pour préparer une rencontre ou des ciseaux pour couper mes ongles Je veux tenter de suicide encore |
English | Don't want to kill myself but feel like I have Tom emotions have been more erratic than usual this week Once I realized the date I attempted to remind myself it is probably just my PMDD My mind doesn't care what it is I can't live like this It feels as if most of the people closest to me are against me, I feel like they are often gaslighting me Maybe my depression and anxiety are making me gaslight myself I can't tell when my anxiety is justified I can't breathe The pain in my chest is so tight One of these days my heart will give out Will that be a form of suicide I am afraid that I've unintentionally made many lives worse I burden those around me with my illness Sometimes I think they wish I'd just shut up and die Sometimes I have dreams that they're murdering me I was okay today Most of my day was wonderful and productive Coming home again to an empty apartment alone with my emotions and the negative thoughts of this week is terrifying I wrote a letter to some friends the other night I've written many letters that have gone unread Burned thrown out deleted I read a post last night that said You don't have to end your life to live a different one I think I've lived a couple lives by this point though and I'm afraid this will linger with me through any I may have after Holding on is exhausting |
French | Personne ne veut être mon ami ne sait plus quoi faire J'ai l'impression que personne ne veut être mon ami J'ai des amis qui sont de première année mais ils sont toujours trop occupés Je sens qu'ils traînent secrètement sans moi Parfois, ils ignorent mes messages texte et mes messages groupie, mais ils publient des messages sur ce que je dis à l'un de mes amis Ce que je ressentais, et elle dit Tout ce que nous faisons |
English | Can I call the cops on myself for homicidal ideation See title Not really sure what else to say |
English | Dear Humanity It s funny how life works it really is the roll of the dice Some people live brilliant successful lives by climbing their way to the top Some people live lives of heartache and pain they then turn that into an art and become successful to Some people are just ordinary and blessed with a family or maybe just a single parent, and they thrive and overcome the odds Some people are born with terminal illness mental illness disabilities and whatever else, and they all succeed Then you got people like me people who tried everything they could and fought their way with everything they had only to not be enough Now here I am on this random Reddit page venting this all out because I see no outcome other than death after this Treat people well treat people with respect treat those who are unfortunate and encourage them with love Give them a boost anyway you can and just realize that we all are just one single species at the end of the day The planet doesn't belong to us, we belong to the planet If you have a significant other out your arm around them and say how much you love them because you never know what tomorrow will bring Make your significant other some food breakfast lunch and or dinner whatever you feel like you can do buy them flowers take them on dates make them smile and laugh help them feel motivated like they can do anything Most of all let them know you will always be there I was once so ignorant and arrogant that I thought I could help everyone Because I hate it when people are hurt, and I tried to make it my number one priority to help others in any way that I could because I thought we needed more love in this world I took on a responsibility that was impossible, and I should have seen it coming but alas I allowed my own ignorance and arrogance to blind me That is my own fault and I take ownership for such foolishness Now here I am recovering from a botched surgery that should have killed me and to be frank I wish it did When I finally got better and tried to start again with my monthly disability natural disasters struck my hometown leaving many out of a home car everything While I was lucky in that regard the day after the disasters happened my car was stolen probably by someone who was desperate So here it is me years old tried to make something happen in my life now it has all failed Therefore I am officially a failure and I want this life to end I am now just figuring out a way how I wish you all well and just do your best in a world filled with hate hostility lies deceit and cruelty |
French | Ce soir, je l'ai posté ici avant que je l'ai fait à travers la dernière fois, mais cette fois IDK L'amour de ma vie m'a laissé la relation était trop grave pour lui, Il est sorti du bleu Je ne peux pas vivre un autre jour sans lui, je l'avais prévu de prendre ma vie blessé il y a deux jours, mais un ami est impliqué et m'a arrêté. |
English | Does over drinking help with suicide Not death from alcoholism but the help of alcohol to make it easier hang yourself or something |
English | Failed attempting times last night I'm determined to succeed in it tonight Long story short I have severe depression My girlfriend broke up with me last night and I can't take any more pain I don't care any more I always looked forward to talking and seeing her I loved being with her Now I'm all alone and have no one to cuddle with and feel loved I'm going to try to suffocate myself again and if that doesn't work I'll walk to a bridge overnight and jump |
French | J'ai l'air tellement ivre, je suis fatigué, je suis triste, je suis fatigué d'être triste, c'était si facile d'ouvrir mon épaule pendant que j'essayais de me satisfaire, ne serait-ce pas aussi facile de m'ouvrir les poignets et de saigner sans que personne ne sache que les gens continuent à me dire que ce serait égoïste si je me tuais, et cela leur causerait de la douleur, mais ce n'est pas égoïste pour eux. |
English | Feeling like I will never escape this hate how my days feel like now I'm a years old student and I'm doing very bad at uni Now with the virus and short online webcam learning i don't think I will finish this semester I don't know if I will be able to find a good paying job good paying means being able to live in my own place without a higher education I live with my parents and in my country people leave their parents home when they are about years old So without university education there is no chance I will move out anytime soon amp x B Every day is the same last time I attempted suicide I felt like something might change but no same shit and I know now that after I fail school it will be even worse than it is now And I just lost my very good job father got me a very good part-time job at a company he has high position in But every time I did something wrong like coming home drunk once in a year he always brings up that I have this job only because of him And for the past days I have been feeling like utter shit so I bought a nice bottle of wine for myself He saw that and fight broke out about me being an alcoholic having one bottle of wine He told me that as long as I work in this company I cant spend money on alcohol or entertainment I told him that he is insane and told him that I'm quitting I should not have that job anyway and there are more skilled people who will do that job better amp x B Right now I feel the same as I felt years ago when I attempted suicide I can see no way out of this stage of my life only a downward spiral I'm fascinated with death with afterlife or the lack of it to experience nothing and remain in nothing This month I had dreams about dying, and they were very strong And with all this bullshit happening now in my life I feel like something is telling me that I should go That once I die it will be revealed to me that I should have done it much sooner I'm afraid that instincts and fear will prevent me again from taking my life like it, they did years ago when the only thing I managed was to bloody my favorite shirt I think many people would see me as a worthless spoiled kid so if I'm truly that wouldn't it be best for me to leave My brain is probably damaged from whole life spent in panic attacks and trauma so I know for sure I will never lead a normal life Main things that keep me from ending it right now are fear and love for my mother i don't want to hurt her that's the thing that keeps me from it the most Especially now that grandmother attempted suicide few months ago amp x B But I just keep feeling that suicide is the goal and the supposed ending to my life that it's the right decision that I will one day make I feel like the day is coming closer amp x B I'm in pain almost every single day and i don't think this will change is death really something that I should do everything in my power to avoid What if death is something that if I knew it I would not waste a second before killing myself amp x B I really can't describe with words the pain I'm in now and I just keep thinking that if I did it right now I would no longer feel any pain And if I keep on living I will only prolong the ending that will one day come anyway |
English | What is wrong with me, I'm not someone who has ever had difficulty with people I've had plenty of friends and girlfriends in my life some of whom are still obsessed with me, I've always been good with people I've never had an issue with getting people to care for me, I'm a sociable and endearing person I'm fairly popular and well liked And yet here I am Constantly at a distance Constantly at odds I struggle with people because nobody seems as off center as I do Everyone laughs and thinks I'm joking when I talk about offing myself They think it's another one of my jokes But I think about it all the time Every day from the start the end I think about ending it I've even blatantly told friends before and nobody takes me seriously I'm decently attractive and have never had an issue getting women to take an interest in me And by all means I'm pretty well off financially But that makes it worse Why Because I've been successful nobody takes my struggles seriously It's just another one of my jokes But I daydream about being dead I constantly think about everything being done and finished And not casually It s all that fills my head Every day It just seems surreal sometimes No matter how many people I meet and talk to nobody seems to understand where I am in my life Or what I'm trying to imply I feel disconnected and distanced from people who think they understand me I feel separate I want to die I think about it all the time The world seems cheap Nobody cares and I don't expect them to Everyone is disposable and self consumed and I'm no exception I drink almost constantly throughout the day I do any drug I can get my hands on It's never been because I like to party It s because I want it to be over I feel like I've been trying to hint about my issues through it but nobody really pays much attention Nobody cares Nobody catches onto the fact that I'm deliberately trying to off myself in the most subtle way possible Like maybe if I OD my family won't be as heartbroken They'd see it as an accident But no matter how many times I take too much I survive So I think about taking a more direct approach And again no matter how many times I talk about it people think I'm just joking around Recently I've been having chronic pain all over and have been treating it with heroin alcohol and whatever else seems to take my mind off of it If it dulls me mentally it helps It doesn't hurt as much if I don't think Nothing else seems to help it I need that distraction or I'm full of aches and pain I know that this is long, but I don't know what else to say I'm just so tired of being down I'm tired of acting like nothing is wrong I feel like I'm almost at a point where everything is unbearable I dread waking up every day I want everything to be done I want to cross the street at the wrong time All of that The idea consumes me I have a gun in my house and it's all I can do to not use it I can't avoid being consumed by whatever it is that holds me I'm just done I don't want to be in pain anymore or have people see my issues as joke I've spent more than enough time looking down the barrel of my own gun Something has to give in either direction As it is I'm more prepared for death than anything else I live in a sort of fear of the night that I finally get carried away Recently I've been spending most of my days sleeping and trying to isolate myself I feel like I'm always getting closer but part of me wants to avoid it I feel like there's no excuse because there's plenty of people worse off than me but it still stays on my mind every day |
French | Antidépresseurs tricycliques Ils sont plus dangereux que les nouveaux antidépresseurs non |
French | J'ai vraiment besoin de quelqu'un à qui parler en ce moment J'ai vraiment besoin de quelqu'un à qui parler en ce moment Je fais une rechute dans ma dépression sévère Je suis toujours sous médicaments, etc. J'ai juste besoin de quelqu'un pour m'aider à sortir de cet état et à faire en sorte qu'il soit un peu plus facile de gérer les choses que je n'ai même pas sorti du lit. |
French | J'ai besoin de quelqu'un à qui parler. J'ai eu des pensées suicidaires le mois dernier. J'ai l'impression d'être si seule. Je sais que c'est mauvais. Mais dernièrement, j'y pense tellement que je ne peux plus rien faire. |
French | Je ne fais pas bien les titres Je suis tellement triste que tout le monde part et j'investis toujours plus que je devrais Ma mère est très malade, et j'essaie de me rappeler que, pendant que je regarde les amitiés que je pensais pouvoir s'effondrer et pendant que je prends le poids du blâme, je ne peux qu'entendre ma mère dire que nous serions tous mieux si j'étais mort. |
English | Cant take it anymore Everyone who told me that they will be here that I can talk to them or that they care has left me now I can't hold everything in and I'm just ready to explode and do something irrational I can't talk to my own parents either because they start yelling at me, I really just want to leave this world and see what happens when I'm not around see if anyone who has abandoned my hopeless ass will even care |
English | Making an effort to keep myself safe Part of me just really wants to die but another part of me is here making an effort to stay safe I have a lot of leftover prescription medications from various failed medication trials and a lot of prescription pain medication that I don't even know why I have I know that it's probably enough to finish the job I've been meaning to get rid of this shit for a long time There are drop boxes in my community where you can dispose of old prescriptions but they are in really public spaces and I can't bring myself to use them because I feel like everyone would be watching me I don't drive because of a medical condition so on top of that I'd have to have someone drive me and they'd want to know why the fuck I've been hoarding years worth of drugs I feel like if I don't get rid of these pills I'm just going to kill myself I know it's wrong to throw pills in the trash But I need them gone NOW Would it really be that bad for me to just throw them in the trash |
French | Donnez-lui un mois ou de la suie beaucoup plus à elle, je suis à la maison pendant les vacances de Pâques peut ou si je vais revenir à l'unité où j'ai des boîtes de paracétamol g m'attendant, je ne peux tout simplement pas je ne peux pas plus malade de mettre un faux masque et prétendre que tout va bien Je ne veux rien Je ne veux rien Je ne veux rien Je ne veux rien fermer les yeux et ne jamais rouvrir alors Juste rien |
English | How I ended up wanting to die Long DO NOT CONTINUE READING IF YOU ARE SENSIBLE ON ANY SUBJECT I'm fucking sick to keep all those things inside me buried and no psychologist can help me I'm on a point I don't believe on any help possible I'm writing this because I can't stand this weight on me just trying to get off I'm sorry I'll sound very lame also I'm not an English speaker I have years old now and I'm a girl I'll start by where the shitstorm began when I had years old I was on a party of the son of the friends of my parents I was on the room of the brother of the birthday boy he was playing a shooting game, and I was sitting on his bed keep in mind the house was tiny their parents were just behind the door Which was opened The guy had years old My school had a lot of girls who talked a lot about kissing, and I was really, really innocent you probably will think it's not possible for you to don't know what you were saying I didn't I remember a girl on the school said he learned how to tongue kiss and I thought it was the act of you to roll your tongue up I told I know how to tongue kiss to the guy He turned to me Oh really he stood up and closed the room door Come here I went, and he grabbed my ass kissing me I was so scared I knew I did something wrong His brother entered the room and saw he's kissing me and he said Close the door and the brother did I looked at him very scared and asked Will he tell my parents and he looked at me and said Nothing will bad will happen if you don't tell them Then after that it's all blank I don't remember how I got out of this situation or what happened next This poisons me cause after him, I never dated any guy I was always too scared trembling on male presence I feel like it wasn't just a kiss The years after I always had to go back there for birthdays he always looked at me with dark eyes and a pervert smile I was always scared of him Other subject on my life were always getting bullied I changed schools about times It always had some kind of problem that couldn't be solved and my mom had to make me go somewhere else They have beat me up threatened me hacked me and everything I had about years old when I came up to my mom I kissed a girl and told what happened at years old She said I'm sure you liked him kissed you if you ever have a girlfriend she will never step on this house A quick resume Shortly after that I met a girl on the internet her name was Beatrice she really held me down when I wanted to kill myself she was my life She role-played characters with me, I considered them my family Then she disappeared and I met Alice a trans boy I fell in love he was gay My mom discovered it I told her he was trans and that was a really sensitive subject to him so she doesn't go while I'm having a call and say some shit she did exactly that on purpose to hurt him I freaked out I was so angry because I saw she was evil She kept lecturing me how disgusting that was she kept asking about sex and really being horrible After that I talked alone I had nobody the teachers saw the way I dressed as boy and kept doing homophone things telling how being gay isn't right at class looking at me When I asked questions they avoided me never answering my questions I ended up quitting school at At me and my mom had suspicion of having cancer Me on my uterus and my mom on the neck My dad got jealous of my mom for idiot reasons and decided that was a perfect time to say I'm leaving home he didn't left home but that would trigger a lot of fights on my house I tried to go back to school I got a job I started taking antidepressants That's when I truly lost control cutter myself more than ever tried to run away Started screaming while trying to take the keys from my parents I attacked them They called an ambulance I ended up on the hospital I quitted school I left my job One of the times I cutter myself my mom rubbed salt on my wounds saying You are hurting me you want to hurt yourself you want to feel pain My mom is overly protective of my brother he breaks my stuff she blames me my dad left home and he is dumping everything on me fights that were with him are now with me, She doesn't want him visiting the house I have a boyfriend now she keeps telling me how I should marry a rich guy and how I shouldn't date him because he is poor and how my life will be horrible with him, I have nightmares about people raping me about me murdering people I am on my bed and she truly believes I'm just lazy My self-destruction is futile but high I have a suicide pact that when one of my cats die I'll kill myself I'll probably delete this post soon |
French | Je suis oubliable Je vais y mettre fin très bientôt J'espère que personne ne répond à cette Ne gaspillez pas votre énergie |
French | J'ai vraiment besoin de quelqu'un à qui parler en ce moment m seul comme baise et désespéré pour quelqu'un de parler à Luttant grand temps ce soir je pense que je suis dans une relation abusive que je suis entré bien trop tôt après avoir terminé les années précédentes j'ai de gros problèmes de communication avec mon partenaire actuel qui ont pour résultat qu'il me laisse pendant des heures et même des jours sans contact je suis suicidaire et incapable de penser à quoi que je suis en thérapie pendant deux mois |
French | J'ai été accusé de vol de données femme qui est venu à notre art minimum il y a un mois voulait que nous l'aidions à imprimer des choses de ses comptes What s App et Hotmail Gmail que j'ai fait Puis je me suis déconnecté de ses comptes et What s App Web comme je le fais toujours Elle a appelé il y a quelques minutes à peu près dire que j'ai volé ses données ou parcouru son What s App messages qu'elle a appelé |
French | Mon seul regret Ma tête est complètement foutue Il est devenu de plus en plus difficile pour moi de voir l'intérêt de faire quelque chose de plus, je pense que les gens commencent à le remarquer, je suis tellement habitué à mettre une façade pour les autres, mais je ne sais même pas ce que je suis en train d'essayer de me cacher, parce que la vraie version de moi n'a jamais vraiment eu la chance d'exister. |
English | Posted earlier thank you m still here you all left me thinking I may feel numb and paralyzed in bed right now because I am so depressed and so suicidal I may feel like I can never be as happy as I was the past few weeks' hell I feel like I don't deserve to be happy but you all made me feel like I should drag myself along a little longer and try to pick myself up what is the first step in believing you deserve happiness and where do I go from there thanks to this community again I would not be alive if i didn't decide to say something here earlier |
English | I just failed my final exam this is the end of college I want to kill myself I failed because of my own laziness that I can't overcome and now I will never get accepted to any school I will live sad life of physical worker or something worse and will always be poor and will die a virgin I want a hug I hate myself Why doesn't my own brain cooperate Fuck this world |
French | null |
English | My birthday is today I want to take my own life Today s my birthday I don't even know what to say As a kid I rejoiced growing up, but now I would do anything just to be a carefree kid again Months upon months I've been alone I'm failing at school No one cares about me All my friends are fake They all hang out without me and make plans behind my back They think I don't know, but they talk shit about me when I'm not around as well I feel like my family don't even know me My parents split up not too long ago, and I never get to see my father Also as a result of this I barely ever get to see either of my siblings because they mostly live at his house and I find it hard to visit because of my busy schedule with school Sometimes I feel like this is how my life will be forever Since I haven't felt consistent happiness just pockets of hope here and there Every time I think I'm progressing I just get sent back to the start My life is constant emotional turmoil and grief It takes so much just to produce a smile I've been like this for years I can't keep pretending I'm ok All the time I search up the locations of bridges and think about jumping off them Or equally I search up how much rope costs at the local hardware store in case I want to hang myself The only thing I can think of now is to either stab myself with the largest knife I can find in the kitchen or to overdose on sleeping tablets I hate telling myself that things will get better because they never do Whenever things were finally looking up for me late the pandemic happened and of course any sign of emotional recovery I had had been crushed Everyday I wake up alone I eat meals alone I sleep alone No one ever asks how I'm doing No one cares about my life If I died right now no one would care Even if they did they would forget about me soon enough I m nobody s best friend Hell I'm not even anyone s friend to begin with The latter years of my childhood have just been filled with emotional devastation Where did I ever go wrong How did I let myself get this lonely I'm not normal Everyone else has a normal life I don't doubt that other people struggle, but I know they don't feel anything close to the amount of pain I feel like I'm going insane living this same stupid life where every single day is a carbon copy of the last I just wish I had some people that cared about me and wanted me to be alive People who wanted to hang out People who ask how I am I would do the same deep down I'm a good-hearted person I want to see everyone succeed and be happy But it seems that no one reciprocates that energy with me, I can feel the void returning I'm genuinely terrified of being alone forever The emotional numbness is coming back, and my nightmares are coming true Right now I'm just listening to some Kid Cudi crying my eyes out My life is literally worthless What is my purpose To suffer daily I did a quick google search about people stabbing themselves and came across this Subreddit I don't know if this post is even welcome here but I've said everything on mind I'm sorry In advance |
French | null |
English | Fear of dying old and alone m a something male Life is okay for now perfectly tolerable Only problem is that I feel totally incapable of earning a lifelong relationship and it fills me with fear of the future I want very badly to be a husband and father I look at my grandparents in their s with over years of marriage with three kids and through them many grandkids and great grandkids who all visit them a lot and make holidays great big events full of life and love My grandparents have lived a full and wonderful life and I only hope to live the same But my greatest terror in life is the thought of reaching their age and having no family there for me What the hell will I do on Christmas morning when I m years old, and I have no family to be with If I never find love and fatherhood I'll just want to kill myself before the loneliness settles in with old age |
English | I don't have a title for this nothing felt appropriate I've posted here a bit within the last month or so but until today the only form of self harm I've ever done is scratching myself with my nails and even then it hardly ever broke the skin I've been terrified of pain my whole life to a point where it could be considered a phobia But I felt so lost today I feel so lost today I took a kitchen knife and cut my wrist the way people say is attention seeking not the killing way I did not intend to end my life with this action Not today And it felt good It hurt but it was the nice type of pain like a tattoo almost Like a release I enjoyed it So I did it again I keep looking at the cuts like they re trophies Like anyone will truly care besides my girlfriend I walked out of work days ago Today I went back and talked to the manager She scheduled me for work Saturday I despise this job more than any other job I've ever had I have an addiction to weed as much as I tried to convince myself I was using it only sparingly for mental health reasons I don't know how I'll react when we re out My girlfriend decided to go into military I don't know how I'll react when she leaves She s terrified I'll kill myself when she s gone But I m saddened that she's probably right She's the only thing stopping me right now Don't hit me with it gets better most of us here crying for help know that s bullshit I have nothing I want to do with my life that's attainable All I wanted to do was grow old with my girlfriend and she doesn't want to do that as my SO She wants to do it as my best friend And as much as it pains me to admit it I respect that decision but I won't be here for that I don't want to live I don't want to be forced into being here any more I don't want this existence I never asked for in the first place Why should I With the way my brain is wired and the ideals of the world we live in I was set up for failure from the start |
English | I'm giving myself until the end of the year to turn things around otherwise I'm buying a gun and offing myself m happiest when I'm asleep I fail or am mediocre at everything I do I ruin every relationship I've ever had I attract toxic people into my life who take advantage of my willingness to make people happy I drink alcohol every night until I'm too drunk to have coherent thoughts I sit and look at my ceiling every night that I'm not drunk and think and wonder if my shitty life is a product of me being a shitty person just getting what I deserve I don't have any real friends any more my boyfriend is using me as a get a jail free card for his finances since I'm in med school and had planned to be a doctor the only thing I look forward to during the day are the little moments that last a few seconds to minutes when I forget about how I fucked up everything in my life I see a therapist but am too much of a coward to admit how fucked up my thoughts are and how pathetic my life is I wish I could trade places with every terminal patient I read about because they deserve to live more than I do |
English | I just want it to be smiles Hey I don't really know where to start I guess I'll just go with recent events I joined the Army around months ago in an attempt to make myself feel better because I was part of something bigger or something and it worked somewhat at least for a little bit This last Christmas I spent it with my grandparents and my grandpa had just bought a new handgun and I just wanted my mind to shut the fuck up and be quiet so I loaded two rounds I've heard of people living through one shot and being a vegetable forever so I wanted to make sure I had backup put it up to my head and nothing I struggled with it for another minutes then just gave it up Turns out the guy he bought it from had cleaned it prior and forgot to put the firing pin back in I checked myself into the emergency mental health clinic It was the first time I ever sought help for my problems In my house my father frowned on getting mental help as he used to say It ain't the touchy-feely s any more son none gives a shit if you don't feel good I spent days in inpatient where I met in groups talked to a doc daily and generally felt good I miss it there the health techs nurses and groups were full of nice people who cared Anyway it s been about a week and a half since I left and I'm struggling to make it again I'm being chapter ed from the Army under honorable conditions and am I returning home to my parents I promised I wouldn't hurt myself to myself and people who care about me but here I am burning myself again I have OCD with ruminations and intrusive thoughts and find myself on the floor gripped with thoughts of sexually assaulting people crippling and terrifying because I have so much respect for people especially women And these intrusive thoughts make it feel like this is myself wanting to do this and by burning myself brings me out of my mental pain and back into the physical world of pain which at least I can understand I feel like I need someone to be happy It's the only thing that makes me feel happy I know you're not supposed to do that but nothing else none of the hobbies jobs or ways to waste time compare to making someone else smile I just want someone to tell me that they're there for me and try to make me smile I don't want to think about all the things that haunt me My childhood full of physical and verbal abuse from students and teachers My next door neighbor raping me in a piece of shit Ford Explorer on blocks in his front yard to the soundtrack slim shady My fiancée that left me after years of dating when she was pregnant and miles away over the phone My best friend Ben hanging himself last year and his dad ATT the funeral telling me all he wanted to do his last weeks of life was get in contact with me, but I was too busy being a piece of shit wasting my life partying Brooke and her lies after finally thinking I could be happy again I just want to be a kind happy nice man with a nice wife who's clingy and needy like I am I just want to be ok |
French | Aide-moi à sentir que je suis déprimé pendant des années Je n'aime pas sortir Je préfère rester à la maison, mais je me sens toujours mal de ne pas sortir N'est-ce pas un paradoxe Aussi quand les gens me demandent de sortir, je fais habituellement des excuses et plus tard, je vais juste m'asseoir sur le canapé à regarder la télévision ou jouer à des jeux et me sentir très mal Je ne comprends pas moi-même |
French | HiI a dit que j'avais fini de venir ici pour évacuer parfois, mais je suis de retour, les choses se gâtent à nouveau et je ne sais pas quoi faire de plus, j'allais essayer d'enregistrer à un patient hospitalisé, mais je sais que ce serait un énorme inconvénient pour les gens autour de moi et je serais déçu de leur emploi du temps. |
English | Running out of time M I have one week to decide to get a job or go to inpatient therapy I have done inpatient before, and it was a tough experience for me that made me self harm and have suicidal thoughts I am conflicted because I d love to get a part-time job but I have extreme anxiety and depression and I don't know if I could handle a job It seems like whichever route I choose there is inevitable failure Any advice would be appreciated I feel if I fail this next time suicide will seem like the best option |
English | Tired just want to go away now I'm tired of living in here I just want to run away If only I could do it faster or sooner but there is no way I made plans to go live to the other side of the world Away of all those people that make me want to shut the lights out It's so hard to get this out right now I don't even know where or how to start It's like all my life I have been alone, and now I want to end it or change it But I really don't know how to do it faster |
French | A ceux qui blessent, je vous considère tous comme mes frères et sœurs, bien que nous venions de différents horizons de la vie, vous êtes aimés et vous comptez. |
English | Years old and it already feels like my life is over I don't know how much more of this I can take vent it started with a diagnosis of depression and anxiety aged then Asperger then borderline personality disorder then bulimia in the middle of all this friend killed herself I attempted suicide myself I watched my family deteriorate before my very eyes and every single dream I tried to make come true seemed to slip between my fingers I got so close to being the person I wanted to be I left home got a great job which I hated but ironically it was a job most people would die for and I almost made it but my brain said no I fucked it all up and I am left with nothing i ve pushed away everything I care about and the people who are left resent me because I believe there's no possible way they could fix this I have no prospects no future no relationship I can't see a single reason to keep going in a world that would benefit from my death all I do is cause pain to the people I love and the most depressing part is I keep gussying out if I had the guts to actually end it all I would be long gone i m too pathetic to do everyone a favor and kill myself I can't do it i m so fucking weak all i m waiting for is that final push that sends me over the edge so I can finally push the blade down and be happy I know this is all horribly depressing but I have nobody and I needed to vent about this shit |
French | On vient de demander à papa pourquoi tu es encore en vie Je veux tout finir |
English | Wish someone would help me I think about dying every single day My heart hurts my thoughts are all negative and hopeless and every day I have to endure it all by myself No one to hug me or ask how I'm doing no one to tell me I matter because I don't I have no one and I'm sure I never will What's the point of constantly fighting these demons if there's nothing waiting for you |
French | Voudriez-vous mourir si vous re mère a tout pris, et vous vous êtes réveillé à aucun ami avait à peine vécu la vie à elle vous a convaincu de ne pas appliquer à ligues de lierre, mais vos amis avec moins de réalisations obtenu en criant vous dans un putain de diplôme d'affaires à quand vous venez d'une famille d'ingénieurs et nous sommes un an à l'avance en maths |
English | Sometimes poster here I got a tiny but much needed bit of relief yesterday I know many of you are struggling Sorry to be taking up space on SW, but I felt like saying something about myself plus I've posted here as a helper and helped many times in the past Anyway I've been crushed by poverty and health problems for years And let me tell you it's a good way to find out who your family and friends are sadly I found out I didn't have any because they all left me nearly to rot and tried to make it seem like my problems weren't real Yesterday I finally came across the missing piece of the puzzle about my health that I had hoped I would come across for so long Studies earlier this year validated that some of us suffer from I was going to go into detail But I guess in reality I just wanted to type something here because I have no friends to tell things to I'm by no means out of the woods at the moment because the only thing I've really gained is a better understanding of what makes me sick I do have a small amount of hope that I might be able to make a fresh start Even if I manage it will be difficult But I am hoping to be able to build a new life with people who truly will be real friends and family to me, It'll be tough We'll see how it goes |
English | What's holding me back I m I was pregnant at with a guy who left for the Air Force and was pretty much nonexistent for the first two months of my pregnancy I was all alone trying to figure out what to do After my parents found out they just saw me as a huge disappointment and my sister and mom and her side of the family all forced me to keep the kid Ultimately it was my choice but if I didn't keep him my parents who kick me out and not pay for my college I didn't have a driver s license or anything to my name Just a baby on it's way The baby s dad was on and off he'd cheat on me want to get back together then dump me again So my pregnant emotions and I took a toll I was depressed my entire pregnancy Once the baby was born I had to deal with the stress of no job no school no anything My parents daily made me feel like shit, and sometimes I feel like all they're trying to do is punish me for having a baby My family is falling apart Now I work at a shitty fast food place I still don't have my own car any schooling I have a misdemeanor because I made a stupid choice I think my poor judgement was due to the postpartum I don't know but now all I can get are shitty jobs that pay nothing My entire family hates me no one will talk to me let alone listen I can't support my child and he's going to be under guardianship of my parents I Have Nothing All I have is myself a few friends and a job that pays about with taxes taken out I have no car no way to go to college and I m in debt Why the fuck do I keep pushing on Oh and my parents are kicking me out soon I don't know where to go But they always say things like if you disappear they'd be happy They've called me a cancer to the family shit like that I never wanted to keep the baby until I realized that I had an ultimatum and that I was supposed to have help from everyone around me in the family yea that never happened Honestly I've wanted to end this years ago but kept pushing, and now I just have no will to live Maybe it'll get better But it honestly just gets worse I could go on with details, but I fear no one will really read this anyway I just wanted to vent |
French | J'ai vu beaucoup de vidéos de suicide de GGB et j'envie les gens qui vivent assez près de lui Obtenir des médicaments pour m'empêcher de vomir dès que le magasin ouvre Alors je vais me saouler et avaler mg de pilules de lorazepam Je serais à mon anniversaire la semaine prochaine |
French | Peu de motivation pour survivre Ma mère m'a donné un ultimatum J'ai soit contribuer aux finances du ménage ou trouver un autre arrangement de vie Je ne lui blâme pas Je suis d'un âge qu'on s'attend raisonnablement à ce que quelqu'un se fournisse mais je n'ai aucune motivation à le faire. |
English | I feel like this is the end Hi Reddit I don't know how much longer I have on this world but goddammit I need someone to talk to I'll only tell you some basic facts about me only because you don't need my life story I'm drunk right now so I'm sorry if I make any typing or grammar mistakes First off as I just mentioned I'm drunk This is an issue because I'm underage in fact I'm not even an adult It isn't that I'm going out to parties to get drunk in fact it's the opposite The people who are supposed to love me the most and protect me are my enablers my parents who have drank before and after my birth for as long as I have been able to remember I'm the last child the youngest so I am a victim and a product of dealing with my parents who are at the age of where they don't give a fuck any more My dad is a reserved quiet nice man He brings home the bread and that keeps him happy aside from his booze My mother is the polar opposite jobless a stay at home mom suffering from a disease that makes her head feel like she s been spun around in a tornado and then let go She's loud gets angry easily and makes my life more miserable than I'd like She's also one of the most emotional and passionate people I've ever met, and I love her She's lost a son before and that s been one of the reasons I haven't offed myself, yet Tonight we had our weekend tradition Get drunk play games listen to music chill and talk During the play games session I get very upset over games I got my short temper from my mother I got angry at my mother for how she was playing the game she started to yell at me, I threw my cards at her almost broke my bottle from slamming it and retreated to my computer No one has spoken to me since Since they are asleep I began going through the medicine cabinet and I began looking at medicine in there Googling the overdose effects and seeing how long it would take to kill me Nothing I found interested me most of them would kill me in hours after tons of pain and suffering which isn't what I want Hanging myself seems too awful every time I think of it I picture the screams of whoever finds me and I don't want to do that to someone There's no working guns in my house so that's out of the option I don't know any more I just actively looked for ways to kill myself If I found something proper I probably would ve done it What the fuck is wrong with me |
French | Je suis sur le point de faire quelque chose de vraiment stupide s'il vous plaît aidez-moi, je ne vois pas l'intérêt de vivre, je suis un énorme fuck-up et ne jamais faire les choses correctement, alors pourquoi pas à droite |
French | Je veux juste être libre, je ne veux plus être ce drain déprimé sur tout le monde autour de moi |
English | Think I might give up Been fighting for years and years and its has been a hard fucking fight Don't think I have it in me anymore Thinking about giving in soon Hope all is well with everybody and you guys are seeing the light on the other side It's very dark for me and I think I might go with the dark |
English | I wish there was a way to make it look like an accident I don't want anyone to feel guilty But I feel like it's so hard to kill yourself without having that happen Fuck |
French | Tout ce à quoi je peux penser, c'est comment ça va être comme ne pas l'avoir à mes côtés, ne pas pouvoir l'embrasser ou lui tenir la main ou prendre soin de lui quand il est malade ou avoir des aventures folles et des discussions incroyables. Et je ne peux pas supporter de vivre dans un monde comme ça. |
English | There's no other option Hi all Sorry for the burn account but I d rather not have this tired to me All my life I've had bad luck with pain and medicine Now in my mid s have had numerous spine surgeries stomach disorders depression etc. as well as shitty friends Can't catch a break that s for sure But today I was in the ER in the worst pain of my life It s been getting worse you see but nothing like this Curled up grabbing my stomach screaming for my mom level of pain And surprise as always there was no problem to be found I've actually toyed with the idea that I'm spiritually cursed You may laugh I sure did once but it's the only way to explain this constant almost mystical pain that is apparently neither physical nor mental Maybe I was a shit in a past life and have to accept reincarnation Maybe god the universe hates me Hell maybe I'm just supposed to be dead What's worse is I am both a known occultist and psychologist My life revolves around control of oneself and helping others yet I'm helpless to control or help myself I'm a hypocritical failure at best in the area I truly dedicated myself to This all is probably what lead to a year-old man cutting for the first time since high school Fuck cutting more like mutilating my leg with a knife But it doesn't help There's no pain quota to reach or absolution for unknown sins just a pathetic man with no control harming his own body the ultimate no no of psychology and occultism alike And tonight I realized it's all futile Whatever is wrong with may be it fluke or god will only get worse Infinitely Until I die I will never get to live my life never find happiness or peace or comfort Those who love me are simply trapped in my eternal prison as well My efforts for health and happiness will always fail Which brings me to the interesting point in all this suicide as the most level-headed and realistic option Not a reaction or anything suicide is usually made out to be The only choice that is rationally is for me to kill myself Nobody would even blame me |
French | C'est que je vais acheter une corde dans les prochains jours et que je garderai cet enfoiré à mes côtés partout où je vais au bon moment, je vais aller me pendre, j'ai fini de pleurer à cause de ma mère abusive, j'ai fini de pleurer à cause de mon père qui m'a abandonné, j'ai fini de pleurer parce que j'échoue académiquement, j'ai fini de pleurer à propos de la vie. |
French | La nuit dernière, je me suis énervé tellement je me suis évanoui je n'ai jamais eu que avant je pense que je devrais aller chez le médecin je ne vais pas entrer dans les détails mais j'ai été refoulé ma colère depuis l'année de l'école secondaire je suis devenu plus violent je suis devenu plus violent je suis devenu plus violent je suis devenu plus violent je suis devenu plus violent je suis devenu plus violent je suis devenu plus violent |
French | null |
English | I want to die I can't take being so alone anymore, and I just want it to edits been a long time concave done anything with friends and weeks since I've actually felt like I belonged with anyone I keep trying ti reach out to them, but they keep pushing me away or ignoring me Part of me want to attempt suicide tonight or just get drink or OD or something I can't take sitting by myself staring at a blank screen or moving through life when no one cares I just want the pain to stop |
French | Je suis dans tellement de douleur en ce moment, c'est presque complètement insupportable dans une détresse émotionnelle si intense et être mort se sent comme une option réconfortante pour mettre fin à ma souffrance, je sais que c'est peut-être une réaction excessive, mais être vivant et prétendre que les choses sont bien quand elles ne sont pas si longtemps, c'est à peine si je suis tellement empathique, et je pense trop aux autres. |
French | null |
English | Fuck It This may be the last night of my life The last few weeks have been hell I lost my fiancé but she is taking time to think about us, I really can't lose her and if I do I'm fucked I went to a mental hospital for trying to off myself by laying on a train track I lost all hope and trust in my family I'm failing school again even though I was an A Student And I have no friends and I really gave up everything for my fiancé and she's having surgery soon and her family doesn't really want me there for it and I have taken more care of her than they ever have I know some people love me I love them too but I can't deal with it any more I'm thinking I might just smoke some of my last weed numb myself out and slit my wrists not sure yet I miss my old life I miss her And I'm pretty sure she misses me but just god fucking damn it fuck this |
English | Fuck this shit I'm finally done I'm ending it I've been going through bullshit day in and day out every single motherfucking day of my life I cry every morning when I wake up I cry during the day if I can find a place to be alone and I cry myself to sleep every night I don't have any friends I haven't had any friends for over a year I am sociable but people don't want to hang out with me My mom is verbally and psychologically abusive My job hates me and threatens to fire me all the time Then I would have bills to pay that I couldn't pay I have nowhere to go and no one to go to I was trying to make brownies earlier and I spilled a little bit of chocolate on the counter Maybe the size of a quarter My mom went ape shit telling me how I need to take a cooking class and calling me a fucking retard and saying What did I do to deserve you as a child that there's chocolate everywhere all over the counter paper towels in the sink and none of this bullshit is fucking true I am a neat freak I'm not a slob I always try to not let it bother me but fuck it fucking bothers me enough that I've decided to end my life If she hears me crying she says fuck you and if I continue to cry she takes my car keys away by force I will fight her and take my cell phone away and probably try to choke me which she has done before I m years old, and I already feel too old for this I am so tired that I feel like I m I'm tearing up and so afraid to cry that it's making it harder to hold it in I always kinda felt bad about thinking killing myself by thinking my family would miss me Maybe they will and maybe my mom will be miserable forever, but now that is what I want My mom always tells my family members that I am a horrible person That I lie and steal and that I do horrible things that I have never done in my life She lies to their faces in front of me and I have to get lectured every time I see them about something stupid my mom told them I did Fuck them all Fuck everything I want to open up a space for another child to grow and have a decent life There's too many people on the planet anyway Thanks for listening |
French | Pourquoi les gens prétendent-ils que le suicide est égoïste que c'est une solution à long terme à un problème à court terme? je ne comprends pas la mentalité des personnes ci-dessus, c'est comme s'ils n'avaient jamais vécu ce que c'est émotionnellement d'être au bord du suicide. j'étais là deux fois pendant les pires parties de la société de mon père. |