[0.000 --> 18.240]  What I was a, my brother was 10, we were in constant competition, always trying to outdo the
[18.240 --> 19.240]  other.
[19.240 --> 23.080]  We weren't competing because our parents wanted us to, but because we both wanted our parents
[23.080 --> 24.080]  attention.
[24.080 --> 28.480]  And so the constant need to be better than the other drove a wedge between us.
[28.480 --> 32.960]  In the beginning, in the eyes of my parents, I was seen as the golden child, the one who
[32.960 --> 34.600]  could do no wrong.
[34.600 --> 38.040]  And consequently, my brother began to resent me for it.
[38.040 --> 42.360]  On my end of things, because my brother was older and was more successful, I looked up
[42.360 --> 45.440]  to him as any younger brother does their older sibling.
[45.440 --> 49.640]  But I also wanted to be better than him, as near impossible as it would be because he's
[49.640 --> 51.520]  two years older than me.
[51.520 --> 55.520]  But the more I tried to outdo him, the more we began to lose our bond as brothers.
[55.520 --> 57.240]  I didn't share my life with him.
[57.240 --> 61.080]  I didn't talk to him about how I felt, but we constantly fought for our parents' attention
[61.080 --> 62.360]  and love.
[62.360 --> 67.600]  I felt sad to be distancing myself from my brother, but at that age, and well, even now,
[67.600 --> 72.000]  I'm stubborn as ever, and I just didn't want to give up.
[72.000 --> 77.080]  Nothing changed between us, and until my parents, not really understanding our troubled dynamic,
[77.080 --> 80.680]  but merely thinking that we should learn to understand ourselves, signed us up for a
[80.680 --> 82.880]  Shodakun karate class.
[82.880 --> 86.520]  My first thoughts were, I get to punch my brother and not get it away with it and get
[86.520 --> 87.520]  it away with it.
[87.520 --> 88.520]  It's alright.
[88.520 --> 89.520]  Count me in.
[89.520 --> 92.960]  But when I started practicing with him, something unexpected happened.
[92.960 --> 98.120]  As much as he made me angry at home and irritating me beyond belief, which is pretty normal
[98.120 --> 103.080]  for brothers, when we fought and when we practiced together karate, I just couldn't be mad at
[103.080 --> 104.080]  him.
[104.080 --> 108.200]  At the time, I had no idea why, and I just brushed it off.
[108.200 --> 113.560]  Each time, at the end of our fights, instead of just remembering how I had heard him, which,
[113.560 --> 116.360]  as bad as it sounds now, saying it out loud, I really
[116.360 --> 121.120]  wanted to like it, I really wanted to like hurting him, but I just couldn't.
[121.120 --> 123.880]  Each time we fought, something amazing happened.
[123.880 --> 128.600]  We began to understand each other better, and our bond grew stronger.
[128.600 --> 131.000]  I began to develop empathy for him.
[131.000 --> 135.080]  I started to understand how he had developed a feeling of inferiority because of his little
[135.080 --> 139.280]  brother competing with him, and being better than him in some ways.
[139.280 --> 144.040]  His little brother commanded attention from his parents, and didn't leave much for him.
[144.040 --> 147.840]  I started to understand how I had heard him, and I believe he started to understand my
[147.840 --> 149.240]  struggles too.
[149.240 --> 154.040]  How I had to keep up with the expectations my parents had on me, even if that meant sometimes
[154.040 --> 157.400]  making my brother seem worse than he was.
[157.400 --> 160.680]  The more we fought, the closer we drew to one another.
[160.680 --> 164.680]  I looked back on these experiences and asked myself, why was physical fighting the way
[164.680 --> 170.640]  we resolved our troubles, what changed between us, and how did it mend our relationship?
[170.640 --> 175.160]  It took some time to figure it out, but finally I realized the answer.
[175.160 --> 179.280]  After having driven a wedge between myself and my brother, three years of not very friendly
[179.280 --> 184.680]  competition, nonverbal communication allowed me to develop empathy for him through karate,
[184.680 --> 187.800]  which ultimately paired our relationship.
[187.800 --> 193.320]  It goes to show how important nonverbal communication is in building relationships and in bringing
[193.320 --> 199.040]  people closer to one another, especially in situations where words can easily fail.
[199.040 --> 200.480]  Let us understand what I went through.
[200.480 --> 202.320]  I like to share what I've learned.
[202.320 --> 205.680]  Nonverbal communication without words.
[205.680 --> 210.320]  Through countless hours of punching, kicking, and fraternizing, without speaking a single
[210.320 --> 215.480]  word directly to the other, I learned how to read my brother's nonverbal signs so well
[215.480 --> 217.560]  that I drew closer to him.
[217.560 --> 222.080]  And the words of John Navarro, a former FBI spy catcher who used nonverbal communication
[222.080 --> 223.800]  every day of his career.
[223.800 --> 230.160]  The only way to be truly empathetic is by understanding nonverbal cues.
[230.160 --> 232.160]  Nonverbal communication is authentic.
[232.160 --> 234.080]  You can't lie about it or make it up.
[234.080 --> 235.080]  It's instinctual.
[235.080 --> 239.640]  Now, I want you all to think about the most recent time you get something really spicy,
[239.640 --> 240.640]  sour, just gross.
[240.640 --> 245.040]  Now, I'm betting you made some pretty funny and interesting faces when you're eating
[245.040 --> 246.680]  whatever you're eating.
[246.680 --> 249.200]  That's what nonverbal communication is.
[249.200 --> 250.520]  Something you just can't think.
[250.920 --> 254.080]  It's your true reaction to something.
[254.080 --> 257.920]  Not what you intentionally show or try to display to others.
[257.920 --> 262.440]  According to a study by professor V. Daj Mahan, and M. Mahan Das in the Indian Journal
[262.440 --> 266.440]  of Psychiatry, this is because of the limbic system, which is a rather primitive part
[266.440 --> 270.040]  of your brain that controls our reactions to the worlds.
[270.040 --> 275.120]  It regulates behaviors we need for survival, like feeding, reproduction, and it regulates
[275.120 --> 277.680]  the fight or flight stress response.
[277.680 --> 282.160]  According to Albert Mahan, a researcher of body language, this system of our brain
[282.160 --> 286.840]  regulates what we unconsciously show others relating to our state of mind.
[286.840 --> 291.800]  The gestures we make, our posture, looks, and facial expressions.
[291.800 --> 298.120]  All of which we call nonverbal communication, which counts for 55% of all communication.
[298.120 --> 304.200]  The remaining 38% is the tone and volume of our voices, and the last 7% represents
[304.200 --> 307.200]  the words that we say, which we used to communicate.
[307.200 --> 312.520]  It gives us perspective of how much more important our gestures, facial expression, body language,
[312.520 --> 318.520]  and other nonverbal cues are compared to our spoken words, no matter the language.
[318.520 --> 322.400]  Nonverbal communication is what makes a heartfelt and intimate moment, which would change our
[322.400 --> 329.680]  perspective of the world, as opposed to a boring or mildly entertaining everyday conversation.
[329.680 --> 333.680]  Nonverbal communication, when we pay attention to it, gives us a rough understanding of what
[333.680 --> 335.160]  someone else is feeling.
[335.160 --> 339.000]  For example, you could look at your baby and be able to immediately tell their sleeping
[339.000 --> 343.480]  soundly or having a nightmare, or you could look over at your best friend and be able to
[343.480 --> 345.640]  tell if they've had a rough day.
[345.640 --> 347.800]  That's why nonverbals are so important.
[347.800 --> 351.000]  They bring us together and allow us to show empathy.
[351.000 --> 354.200]  That is what nonverbal communication does best.
[354.200 --> 359.400]  And according to lorematics, from a clinical reviewer from Better Health Therapy Service,
[359.400 --> 363.160]  nonverbal communication is all about bringing you closer to the person you're interacting
[363.160 --> 364.160]  with.
[364.160 --> 368.720]  Others by showing attentiveness with head nods in a smile, or showing compassion through
[368.720 --> 371.360]  physical touch in your presence.
[371.360 --> 374.880]  Nonverbal communication is a powerful tool that shows that you care.
[374.880 --> 378.920]  Or like any other skill, we can improve on nonverbal communication skills, so instead
[378.920 --> 384.200]  of doing it unintentionally, we would purpose into our nonverbal rules, thereby deepening
[384.200 --> 387.080]  and developing our relationships.
[387.080 --> 391.240]  After having a rocky relationship with my brother, nonverbal communication helped me deepen
[391.240 --> 396.040]  my bond with him and allowed me to connect with him in a way we had never done before.
[396.040 --> 400.400]  In the end, the deciding factor for what caused the chain between us was that I was finally
[400.400 --> 404.200]  able to feel empathy for him through these nonverbals.
[404.200 --> 408.800]  In your daily life, if you simply made a point to be more conscious of your nonverbals,
[408.800 --> 412.640]  to be conscious of what signals you're sending out to others, you'll be able to understand
[412.640 --> 416.960]  one another better, and you'll be able to build a stronger bond, simply by smiling
[416.960 --> 421.520]  your friends more, or keeping eye contact with someone for a bit longer than usual.
[421.520 --> 424.400]  These small gestures have power.
[424.400 --> 427.760]  When you leave here, one of the things I hope you're thinking about is how do I change
[427.760 --> 428.760]  my nonverbals?
[428.760 --> 432.600]  How do I become someone that uses my nonverbals to help others?
[432.600 --> 436.680]  Because if there's one thing we need in this world, now more than ever, it's to be more
[436.680 --> 437.680]  empathetic.
[437.680 --> 438.200]  Thank you.