text: One time on Twitter, I heard Ariana was pregnant
  So I got pregnant so we can pregnant at the same time
  Turns out it was just a rumor
  Ariana Grande told me my hair looks sexy pushed back
  Shes not wrong
  Ariana broke off an engagement
  So I found a guy to propose to me
  And I broke off an engagement
  I heard shes a lesbian now
  And dating some chick called Aubrey
  Its fucking sick
  I heard if you recorded her snoring
  And play it backwards it sounds like fantasia
  Ariana said, honest to God knock me out
  So I decided to punch myself in the face
  It was awesome
  I mean, he was really cute you know?
  He was really cute
  And it was, it was really big
  Well, Ive only gone out with one guy
  That had a big front tooth
  And I liked it cause he never got anything stuck in the front teeth
  But, have you ever gone out with someone that had no teeth at all?
  No
  Thank u next, bitch!