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post | ft8jhz | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,774,800 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft8jhz/give_a_man_a_fish_and_he_eats_for_a_day/ | self.jokes | null | Teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime.
Give a man a duck and he eats for a day.
Teach a man to duck and he avoids low flying objects! | Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. | 6 |
post | ft8jd8 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,774,788 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft8jd8/like_a_fucking_idiot_i_left_my_apartment_door/ | self.jokes | null | Yeah, so when I get home, I find two turds floating in the toilet. I know for a fact that when I left, there were three. | Like a fucking idiot, I left my apartment door unlocked and some prick came in and took a shit | 12 |
post | ft8h16 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,774,582 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft8h16/so_i_asked_my_crush_out_and_she_said_yes/ | self.jokes | null | hahah idiots its Aprils fools she will never say yes hahaha | so i asked my crush out and she said YES!!!!! | 0 |
post | ft8gpr | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,774,558 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft8gpr/how_did_the_lady_sheriff_always_catch_the_wanted/ | self.jokes | null | She had a big posse.
Some say it was a big ole hairy posse that could keep up with any man on the run.
Go ahead, look her up. | How did the lady sheriff always catch the wanted man? | 0 |
post | ft8fym | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,774,499 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft8fym/what_do_you_call_a_headless_caveman_riding_a/ | self.jokes | null | a yabba dabba dullahan. | What do you call a headless caveman, riding a dinosaur? | 0 |
post | ft8fyu | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,774,499 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft8fyu/a_guy_calls_a_company_and_orders_their_5day_10_lb/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program | 0 |
post | ft8f10 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,774,416 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft8f10/working_from_home_is_great_im_basically_getting/ | self.jokes | null | That’s like $3 per race and $0.50 every time I have sex! | Working from home is great! I’m basically getting paid $30 / hr to play Mario kart and have sex with my wife! | 5 |
post | ft8ese | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,774,398 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft8ese/a_woman_says_to_her_lawyer_i_want_to_divorce_my/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | A woman says to her lawyer "I want to divorce my husband." | 180 |
post | ft8erw | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,774,397 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft8erw/i_tried_to_explain_quantum_theory_to_a_trump/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | I tried to explain quantum theory to a Trump supporter... | 0 |
post | ft8c8n | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,774,174 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft8c8n/3_men_some_cannibals_and_their_canoes/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | 3 men, some Cannibals, and their Canoes. | 0 |
post | ft8c40 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,774,163 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft8c40/some_people_can_dish_it_out/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | Some people can dish it out. | 0 |
post | ft8bhy | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,774,105 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft8bhy/why_didnt_the_lifeguard_save_the_hippy/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | Why didn’t the lifeguard save the hippy? | 1 |
post | ft8aqg | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,774,041 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft8aqg/couple_talking_a_walk/ | self.jokes | null | A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine's Day walk along a country lane. As they walk hand in hand and as they stroll, the lad's lustful desire rises to a peak.
He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind, but I really do need to take a piss." Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity, he suggests she go behind a nearby hedge.
She nods in agreement and disappears behind the shrubbery. As he waits, he can hear the sound of her tight panties rolling down her long legs and imagines what is being exposed.
Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches through a gap in the foliage, and his hand touches her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly, and with great astonishment, he finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage that's hanging between her legs.
He shouts in horror, "My God, Claudette, I had no idea you were actually a man!"
"No, you don't understand!" she replies. "I changed my mind, I'm taking a crap instead." | Couple talking a walk | 5 |
post | ft88oi | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,773,861 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft88oi/he_was_just_trying_to_be_nice/ | self.jokes | null | Sam invites his friends Brenda, Tom, and Lily to watch a football game on a Sunday afternoon. His son, Aiden is 4 years old and is playing with his blocks in the dining room.
It is a very hot day outside so Sam sets up a small pitcher of ice water on a low table with plastic cups. Lily plays with Aiden for a few minutes, then says, "Boy, it is so hot in here! I need some of that water." and goes and sits back down. Aiden says, "You want water? OKAY!" and brings her a cup of water. She thanks him and Tom says, "Aiden, buddy, I need some of that water, can you get me some?" Aiden says, "OKAY!" and runs off, getting him a water. He says, "Thank you, thank you!"
"You want one too, daddy?" Aiden asks Sam, to which he replies "Please!" Aiden says, "OKAY!" and comes back with another one and is thanked by his dad.
Curious and bemused, Brenda asks Aiden, "Little man, can I have some too?" and follows Aiden. Aiden says, "OKAY!", and takes off, she smiles as he grabs a plastic cup, but does not fill it. He goes into the bathroom and she thinks to herself, "What is he doing? Maybe he has to pee?" while she stands in the doorway.
She watches with horror as Aiden dunks the cup in the toilet and fills it. He turns around, hands it to her, and says, "Here you go!" | He was just trying to be nice! | 1 |
post | ft87y8 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,773,800 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft87y8/a_doctor_tells_a_woman_she_can_no_longer_touch/ | self.jokes | null | So she gets a
divorce. | A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. | 7 |
post | ft87e8 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,773,751 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft87e8/success_is_like_being_pregnant/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | Success is like being pregnant | 17 |
post | ft8649 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,773,646 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft8649/a_bad_dark_joke_i_thought_of_just_now/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | A bad, dark joke I thought of just now | 1 |
post | ft83l5 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,773,430 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft83l5/if_netflix_could_talk/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | If Netflix could talk | 9 |
post | ft82o2 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,773,352 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft82o2/pickup_line_to_use_on_women_in_bars_i_broke_up/ | self.jokes | null | Now if someone can tell me where an open bar is? | Pickup line to use on women in bars: "I broke up with my girlfriend because she called 911 to report she ran out of toilet paper." | 4 |
post | ft81z0 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,773,288 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft81z0/went_to_the_pub_last_night_and_drank_ten_pints/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | Went to the pub last night and drank ten pints. | 0 |
post | ft80pa | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,773,173 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft80pa/what_a_joke/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | What a joke. | 0 |
post | ft806m | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,773,134 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft806m/alabama_changed_the_drinking_age_to_34/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | Alabama changed the drinking age to 34 | 146 |
post | ft7zmy | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,773,084 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft7zmy/a_koala_is_sitting_in_a_gum_tree_smoking_a_joint/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | A koala is sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks up and asks him what he's doing. | 2 |
post | ft7vli | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,772,730 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft7vli/during_a_standup_class_a_student_asks_her_comedy/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | During a standup class, a student asks her comedy coach why jokes always seem to have three iterations of the same situation before the punchline is landed. | 1 |
post | ft7v61 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,772,697 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft7v61/i_have_an_april_fools_joke_going_on_with_my/ | self.jokes | null | I am not paying rent this April 1st hehe, don't tell him | I have an April fools joke going on with my landlord | 5 |
post | ft7v1h | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,772,686 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft7v1h/black_panther_and_planet_of_the_apes_should_do_a/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | Black Panther and Planet of the Apes should do a crossover movie. | 1 |
post | ft7u2n | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,772,602 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft7u2n/to_the_guy_in_the_wheelchair_who_stole_my/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket, | 1 |
post | ft7tsd | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,772,582 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft7tsd/have_you_ever_tried_eating_a_clock_its_really/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s really time-consuming, | 2 |
post | ft7skh | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,772,477 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft7skh/the_greatest_doctor_smartest_man_young_geek_and/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | The greatest Doctor, smartest man, young geek, and inspiring preacher are on a plane. The pilot dies of a heart attack, and is confirmed by the doctor. But, there are only 3 parachutes on the plane. The doctor takes one and says, | 1 |
post | ft7sao | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,772,453 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft7sao/how_did_the_coronavirus_epidemic_start/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | How did the Coronavirus epidemic start? | 0 |
post | ft7s8e | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,772,447 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft7s8e/a_japanese_british_and_american_soldier_are/ | self.jokes | null | The three soldiers are brought to the tribal Chief, who tells the men they will be killed, skinned, and their skin will be used to make canoes. But, the Chief out of respect for the men will allow them to choose their own way to die.
The Japanese soldier asks for a sword and commits Seppuku. His body is hauled away.
The British soldier asks for a gun, holds the gun to his head and proclaims “long live the queen!” before pulling the trigger. His body is also hauled away.
The American soldier thinks for a second, then asks “so you want to kill us?”
“Yes” said the Chief
“And then you’re gonna use our skin to make canoes?”
Becoming aggravated, the Chief responds “yes, yes, what’s so hard to comprehend about this?”
“Well, in that case, I’ll take a fork please”
Confused, the Chief orders his men to give the American soldier a fork. He takes a deep breath and starts stabbing his skin repeatedly yelling “fuck your canoes!!” | A Japanese, British, and American soldier are marooned on an island inhabited by cannibals | 11 |
post | ft7rnx | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,772,398 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft7rnx/i_wrote_a_joke_about_sheep_its_really_baaad/ | self.jokes | null | A farmer had two pastures, both filled with sheep. He kept the rams in one field, and the ewes in the other. He had no dog, so he taught the sheep to keep each other in check. Alternating every day, he'd let one group of sheep out, and they'd run around the others to keep them grouped together, just like a sheepdog would, before returning to their pasture at night. Not being suited for shepherding, it was very tiring for the sheep doing the work, and was stressful for the sheep being driven, too.
One day, a new ram was introduced to the flock. He thought this was a very curious arrangement. He said to one of the other rams, "Why are we in charge of keeping order amongst the ewes, and they in charge of keeping order amongst the rams? Doesn't this mutual antagonism engender animosity when mating season comes around?"
The other ram replied, "Like it or not, we always herd the ones we love." | I wrote a joke about sheep. It's really baaad. | 4 |
post | ft7pt0 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,772,229 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft7pt0/a_doctor_tells_a_woman_she_can_no_longer_touch/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce. | 2 |
post | ft7oty | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,772,148 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft7oty/what_did_the_abusive_butcher_do_after_his_wife/ | self.jokes | null | Beat his meat. | What did the abusive butcher do after his wife left him? | 2 |
post | ft7moo | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,771,964 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft7moo/i_was_talking_to_a_friends_little_girl/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | I was talking to a friend's little girl... | 2 |
post | ft7moa | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,771,963 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft7moa/misspelled_words/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | Misspelled words | 0 |
post | ft7mh4 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,771,950 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft7mh4/black_panther_and_planet_of_the_apes_should_have/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | Black Panther and Planet of the Apes should have a crossover. | 0 |
post | ft7lx5 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,771,900 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft7lx5/what_do_you_call_an_anglosaxon_with_a_big_ass/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | What do you call an Anglo-Saxon with a big ass? | 0 |
post | ft7lfl | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,771,858 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft7lfl/congratulations_to_china_and_their_bateating/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | Congratulations to China and their bat-eating citizens for getting the Corona Virus under control. | 0 |
post | ft7jgn | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,771,669 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft7jgn/a_puritan_is_someone_who/ | self.jokes | null | No's what they like. | A Puritan is someone who | 3 |
post | ft7jek | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,771,664 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft7jek/two_men_are_cleaning_windows_on_the_99th_floor_in/ | self.jokes | null | Not wanting to travel all the way down Tom proposes he could piss down from the side. Chris hesitates a little because he's afraid of falling down. Tom says he'll hold Chris and Chris agrees. Chris starts pissing down but Tom gets distracted by a fly and he lets Chris go...
A month later 3 women are eating lunch and discussing where in the world are guys the horniest.
First woman thinks: "Has to be Mexico. Have you seen how hot and sweaty guys are over there? They must fuck all the time, that's why."
Second one says: "I was in a restaurant in France, after eating, rather than bringing me a cheque waiter brought me an invitation to his bed."
Third woman interrupts: "That's nothing. Horniest guys live right here in our home country. Just a month ago I was walking down a street few blocks from here. I wasn't wearing any makeup or sexy clothes. And suddenly guy comes down from the sky, his dick out, yelling "Fuck me!" | Two men are cleaning windows on the 99th floor in a lift. One of them has an urge to pee. | 45 |
post | ft7ipz | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,771,605 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft7ipz/i_got_a_dog_and_named_him_phoenix/ | self.jokes | null | But every time I say "Phoenix, down!" he doesn't get down - he just arises! | I got a dog and named him Phoenix. | 0 |
post | ft7ipv | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,771,605 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft7ipv/an_offduty_grenadier_guardsman_at_a_football/ | self.jokes | null | \- they told him to go get some Bovril for all of them, and they insisted he leave his shoe behind so they knew he would come back. But when he did, and he put his shoe back on, he felt the unpleasant squishiness of a large turd.
The same thing happened in the second half, only with the other shoe.
And after the match, as they were all leaving, his bus turned up first and he got on it, and as it was about to pull out he leaned out of the window and said “Lads, lads, how long is this going to go on? This shitting in each other's shoes? This pissing in each other's Bovril?” | An off-duty Grenadier Guardsman at a football match found himself surrounded by several Coldstream Guards... | 3 |
post | ft7h2k | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,771,458 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft7h2k/i_adopted_two_deaf_cats/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | I adopted two deaf cats | 0 |
post | ft7h17 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,771,455 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft7h17/im_having_an_affair_with_your_husband_and_its_the/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | I’m having an affair with your husband and it’s the best sex ever | 4 |
post | ft7gdn | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,771,393 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft7gdn/covid_has_been_found_circulating_on_norwegian/ | self.jokes | null | It's the Kroner virus | Covid has been found circulating on Norwegian currency | 1 |
post | ft7gcz | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,771,391 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft7gcz/an_old_lady_dies_and_goes_to_heaven_shes_chatting/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting it up with St.Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful bloodcurdling screams. | 10,236 |
post | ft7g3p | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,771,368 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft7g3p/help_me_on_my_homework_gives_me_404/ | self.jokes | null | Hi so I have a homework and it says to solve 20 X 20.2. does someone know the answer? Whenever I type it on my calculator it gives me "404"
Help?!?!!!??? | Help me on my homework? Gives me 404 | 4 |
post | ft7fvm | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,771,349 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft7fvm/sign_on_a_brothel_door/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | Sign on a Brothel Door: | 2 |
post | ft7dof | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,771,153 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft7dof/pandemic_countrywide_fires_floods_locust_swarms/ | self.jokes | null | I don't know who has them, but please just let the Jews go. | Pandemic, country-wide fires, floods, locust swarms... | 63 |
post | ft7dd3 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,771,122 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft7dd3/apparently_the_lockdown_in_many_of_the_east_asian/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | Apparently, the lockdown in many of the East Asian countries is causing a population boom soon. So in this case corral-ation does cause Asians. | 1 |
post | ft7d0a | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,771,088 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft7d0a/the_cat_just_asked_me_if_i_want_the_radio_on/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | The Cat just asked me if I want the radio on whilst he goes out. Prick! | 1 |
post | ft7bb6 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,770,936 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft7bb6/why_did_julio_say_goodbye_to_rosie/ | self.jokes | null | Because she was the queen of corona. | Why did Julio say goodbye to Rosie? | 1 |
post | ft7amc | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,770,871 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft7amc/on_his_death_bed_an_old_jew_says_to_his_wife/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | On his death bed, an old jew says to his wife: | 4 |
post | ft7a51 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,770,831 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft7a51/im_having_sex_with_your_husband_and_its_the_best/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | I’m having sex with your husband and it’s the best sex I’ve ever had | 0 |
post | ft77u3 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,770,625 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft77u3/hi/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | Hi | 1 |
post | ft752m | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,770,372 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft752m/i_opened_my_fridge_the_other_day_and_a_tub_of/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | I opened my fridge the other day and a tub of Stork fell and hit me on the head - I can't believe it's not better...... | 1 |
post | ft73yx | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,770,269 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft73yx/a_middleaged_couples_sex_life_had_dwindled_down/ | self.jokes | null | Every day while the husband was at work, the wife would search the internet for tips on how to spice things up. Finally, she found something that she felt sure would re-awaken her husband's sex drive. Knowing he would come home soon, she quickly took off all of her clothes, then wrapped herself tightly in aluminum foil.
Her husband came in, and his wife smiled sexily and said, "Well? What do you think?"
"What," said the husband, "leftovers again?" | A middle-aged couples' sex life had dwindled down to near nothing. | 0 |
post | ft73no | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,770,243 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft73no/a_man_saw_a_lady_with_big_breasts_he_asked_excuse/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse. | 14 |
post | ft729t | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,770,116 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft729t/a_duck_threw_a_duck_at_another_duck_so_i_shouted/ | self.jokes | null | They all looked at me and said "what?" | A duck threw a duck at another duck. So I shouted "DUCK!".... | 16 |
post | ft725n | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,770,105 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft725n/before_corona_i_used_to_cough_to_cover_a_fart/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | Before Corona, I used to Cough to cover a Fart. | 1 |
post | ft722f | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,770,097 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft722f/an_american_an_asian_and_newfie_were_working_on_a/ | self.jokes | null | An American, a Chinese guy and a Newfie were working a 40 story skyscraper, while in the lunch room, the American opens up his lunch kit and complains,
“Look at this! Ham and cheese! Every day ham and cheese! I swear if I get another ham and cheese I’m jumping off this building tomorrow!”
His Chinese friend said “I hear ya buddy my wife she give me chicken sandwiches every day nothing but chicken, I don’t want you to die along so I will jump with you IF I get another Chicken sandwich”
The Newfie half hearing the conversation says “well I got a peanut butter and marmalade sandwich, if I get one tomorrow, I’ll jump with you guys!” Seemingly excited.
The next day the American took one look in his lunch kit put off to the side and took the elevator to the top level of building and jumped off the side landed on the ground flat as a pancake, dead as a door nail, you name it, he was it, the Chinese guy took one look in his lunch kit put off to the side and took the elevator to the top level of building and jumped off the side landed on the ground flat as a pancake, dead as a door nail, you name it, he was it. The Newfie was on the same elevator ride up with the Chinese guy to the top level of building and jumped off the side landed on the ground flat as a pancake, dead as a door nail, you name it, he was it,
A few days later the wives were all grieving the American’s wife says sobbing “well if I had known he didn’t like Ham and cheese sandwich I won’t have given him ham and cheese sandwiches!” The Chinese’s wife says sobbing “I know right, husband says he loves my cooking but no complaints about chicken sandwiches!” They look to the Newfie’s wife and she says
“Don’t look at me, he made his own lunch!” | An American, an Asian, and Newfie were working on a 40 story building.... | 9 |
post | ft70s7 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,769,982 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft70s7/april_fools/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | April fools | 0 |
post | ft6yre | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,769,800 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6yre/imagine_getting_rid_of_covid_19/ | self.jokes | null | and then China releases COVID 20 Pro Max | Imagine getting rid of COVID 19.. | 3 |
post | ft6xlt | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,769,699 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6xlt/nothing_bad_will_happen_this_month/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | Nothing bad will happen this month... | 1 |
post | ft6xje | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,769,692 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6xje/the_pope_cancelled_easter_this_year/ | self.jokes | null | It's gotten so bad down here that Jesus won't even come back! | The Pope cancelled Easter this year.. | 1 |
post | ft6x0x | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,769,641 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6x0x/in_celebration_of_my_cake_day_heres_the_worst/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | In celebration of my cake day, here's the worst joke I've ever created. | 2 |
post | ft6ws9 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,769,618 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6ws9/what_is_the_difference_between_a_new_wife_and_a/ | self.jokes | null | After 5 years the job still sucks. | What is the difference between a new wife and a new job? | 10 |
post | ft6wfd | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,769,583 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6wfd/i_am_gonna_leave_rjokes_here_is_why/ | self.jokes | null | Why | I am gonna leave r/jokes here is why: | 12 |
post | ft6wf1 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,769,582 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6wf1/mr_t_set_the_ninja_turtles_up_on_a_blind_date/ | self.jokes | null | Mr. T: Here's your girl.
Ninja Turtles: who is she?
Mr T: Its April, fools.
Also, I'm sorry. | Mr. T set the ninja turtles up on a blind date. | 12 |
post | ft6s9g | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,769,204 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6s9g/just_been_to_costco_and_saw_a_guy_buying_up_all/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | Just been to Costco and saw a guy buying up all the tequila, burritos, and piñatas. | 0 |
post | ft6rw6 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,769,174 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6rw6/why_is_baseball_not_a_big_sport_in_china/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | Why is baseball not a big sport in China? | 0 |
post | ft6rhn | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,769,137 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6rhn/whats_the_difference_between_coronavirus_and/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | Whats the difference between coronavirus and angry feminists? | 0 |
post | ft6qtj | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,769,081 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6qtj/i_was_having_sex_with_a_woman_when_her_husband/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | I was having sex with a woman when her husband came home early. | 7 |
post | ft6pyu | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,769,008 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6pyu/do_you_know_the_real_reason_why_dark_mode_is/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | Do you know the real reason why dark mode is introduced in all social media? | 1 |
post | ft6pip | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,768,972 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6pip/my_girlfriend_has_an_onlyfans_page/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | My girlfriend has an OnlyFans page... | 2 |
post | ft6ora | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,768,900 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6ora/innout_burger_has_announced_theyre_changing_their/ | self.jokes | null | Now it's just "Out Burger." | In-N-Out Burger has announced they're changing their name for the duration of the virus lockdown. | 0 |
post | ft6odw | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,768,868 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6odw/hows_the_weather_in_western_china/ | self.jokes | null | Cloudy with a chance of genocide | How's the weather in Western China? | 4 |
post | ft6nw8 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,768,823 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6nw8/nobody_likes_me_in_their_circle_they_kick_me_out/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | Nobody likes me in their circle, they kick me out. My opinions are always neglected. | 1 |
post | ft6noa | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,768,808 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6noa/being_a_cow_farmer_is_one_of_the_few_jobs_where/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | Being a Cow farmer is one of the few jobs where you DON'T want to get a pat on the back. | 1 |
post | ft6mrk | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,768,720 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6mrk/you_know_what_the_best_nsfw_subreddit_is/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | You know what the best NSFW subreddit is? | 5 |
post | ft6mkf | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,768,701 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6mkf/mental_school_two_mentally_disturbed_men_akpos/ | self.jokes | null | They collected old books and went to sit under the tree pretending it was a school. The following day, Akpos got there early and climbed the tree. As Kwame came and saw his friend on top of the tree he asked, "What are you doing up there?"Akpos replied, "I am now in high school." | Mental school: Two mentally disturbed men Akpos and Kwame decided they must go to school. | 0 |
post | ft6mbr | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,768,680 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6mbr/a_man_is_driving_down_the_motor_way_in_the_fast/ | self.jokes | null | he notices his friends jeep in the adjacent lane. He slows down and ushers his friend to pull down the window.
"John I'm in a massive rush, if I give you $50 could you bring these monkeys to the zoo?"
"No problem" replies John
About 4 hours later, the man drives the opposite direction on the motorway and is surprised to see John's truck with the monkeys still in the back. He ushers John to roll down his window once more.
"John wtf are you doing? I gave you $50 to bring those monkeys to the zoo".
"I did" replies John
"But I had money leftover so we are off to the cinema". | A man is driving down the motor way in the fast lane with a trailer full of monkeys | 5 |
post | ft6m0g | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,768,648 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6m0g/you_knpw_what_the_best_nsfw_subreddit_is/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | You knpw what the best nsfw subreddit is? | 0 |
post | ft6lri | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,768,628 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6lri/honeymoon/ | self.jokes | null | It's the morning after the honeymoon, and the wife says, "You know, you're really a lousy lover."
The husband replies, How can you tell after only 30 seconds?" | Honeymoon | 9 |
post | ft6l5p | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,768,574 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6l5p/what_did_the_redditor_say_after_he_killed_a_man/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | What did the redditor say after he killed a man? | 4 |
post | ft6kvs | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,768,551 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6kvs/why_was_a_plastic_surgeon_appointed_the_director/ | self.jokes | null | Because he knows jobs! | Why was a plastic surgeon appointed the director of the department of labor? | 0 |
post | ft6k6c | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,768,485 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6k6c/did_you_see_on_facebook_theyve_rebooted_the_dcu/ | self.jokes | null | I guess he ate Batman or something. | Did you see on Facebook they've rebooted the DCU with a new supervillain, a Chinese cannibal? | 0 |
post | ft6k4a | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,768,479 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6k4a/while_getting_ready_to_go_play_outside_with_my/ | self.jokes | null | I responded, "No, I only have 9 issues." | While getting ready to go play outside with my kids, my wife asked me "Do you have tennis shoes?" | 5 |
post | ft6jyd | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,768,465 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6jyd/why_do_dogs_not_like_vacuum_cleaners/ | self.jokes | null | Because nature abhors a vacuum. | Why do dogs not like vacuum cleaners? | 0 |
post | ft6jug | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,768,455 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6jug/what_is_a_baseball_batters_favorite_cake/ | self.jokes | null | A Bundt cake | What is a baseball batter’s favorite cake? | 0 |
post | ft6jpq | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,768,445 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6jpq/an_irish_girl_tells_her_mom_she_decided_to_be_a/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | An Irish girl tells her mom she decided to be a prostitute. | 48 |
post | ft6j93 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,768,404 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6j93/its_never_worth_getting_into_an_argument_about/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | It's never worth getting into an argument about creationism vs. evolution | 13 |
post | ft6i9t | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,768,324 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6i9t/a_police_officer_approached_me_asking_if_i_knew/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | A police officer approached me asking if I knew anything regarding the whereabouts of the man who sold the world. | 1 |
post | ft6i0l | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,768,301 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6i0l/who_led_the_digitization_of_your_company/ | self.jokes | null | 1. CEO
2. CTO
3. COVID-19 | Who led the digitization of your company? | 5 |
post | ft6hlb | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,768,269 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6hlb/what_did_the_redditor_after_he_killed_a_man/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | What did the redditor after he killed a man? | 2 |
post | ft6fvs | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,768,119 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6fvs/message_me_right_away_if_your_name_is/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | Message me right away if your name is | 0 |
post | ft6ffs | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,768,083 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6ffs/what_do_you_call_a_nut_that_gets_good_grades/ | self.jokes | null | An academia nut.. | What do you call a nut that gets good grades? | 3 |
post | ft6eeo | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,767,990 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6eeo/when_one_door_closes_another_one_opens/ | self.jokes | null | Other than that, it's a pretty good car | When one door closes, another one opens | 8 |
post | ft6e8r | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,585,767,977 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/ft6e8r/my_grandpa_is_a_real_inspiration_to_get_healthy/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | My grandpa is a real inspiration to get healthy, he started running a mile a day when he was 65! | 8 |