transcript/DIY_lF8HQJQAmO4.txt

[0.000 --> 9.720]  Out of all the different nonverbal behaviors, I think attraction, spotting attraction
[9.720 --> 11.520]  is without a doubt the easiest.
[11.520 --> 15.560]  We're very emotional creatures and when we're attracted to somebody, it's very, very
[15.560 --> 16.960]  difficult to hide.
[16.960 --> 19.680]  People think they're hiding but things always slip.
[19.680 --> 23.080]  So one of the ways they slip are essentially the eyes and there's a lot of different ways
[23.080 --> 28.520]  you can use the eyes to determine whether or not somebody is attracted to you.
[28.520 --> 31.360]  The first thing is essentially eye contact, right?
[31.360 --> 36.160]  So of course, for the most part, usually we make eye contact with people that we're interested
[36.160 --> 39.040]  in or people that we're attracted to, right?
[39.040 --> 40.560]  But this is not entirely true.
[40.560 --> 43.680]  Some people are shy or anxious and they're not going to make eye contact.
[43.680 --> 47.760]  So what you're looking for essentially is a deviation in eye contact.
[47.760 --> 51.720]  So one of the ways you can use eye contact and there's a little trick that's very, very
[51.720 --> 52.720]  reliable.
[52.720 --> 56.760]  So what you're going to do is if you look at somebody in a bar and a restaurant on the
[56.760 --> 57.600]  street.
[57.600 --> 60.040]  And they break eye contact vertically.
[60.040 --> 61.040]  So they look down.
[61.040 --> 64.520]  So you make eye contact with them and they break eye contact vertically, vertically,
[64.520 --> 65.520]  all right?
[65.520 --> 70.120]  And then within like 30 seconds or like 20 to 30 seconds, they reestablish eye contact
[70.120 --> 71.120]  approach them.
[71.120 --> 72.120]  They like you.
[72.120 --> 73.320]  It's a very, very reliable thing.
[73.320 --> 75.080]  Essentially what they're doing is you stare at them.
[75.080 --> 78.960]  They're submitting to you and then they take a little second glance to see who you are.
[78.960 --> 81.040]  It's very, very, very reliable.
[81.040 --> 85.240]  Another thing, if somebody, so in the opposite of that would be if you look at somebody and
[85.240 --> 87.920]  they look at you and they immediately go and break eye contact.
[87.920 --> 89.840]  It's like, oh, not interested.
[89.840 --> 92.520]  But what is reliable is they break eye contact and then come back.
[92.520 --> 93.960]  Break eye contact, then come back.
[93.960 --> 95.720]  Break eye contact and come back.
[95.720 --> 96.720]  It's very interesting.
[96.720 --> 97.720]  And don't let it wait.
[97.720 --> 100.240]  Like if you see that, just go right away because the more and more you wait, the more
[100.240 --> 102.720]  and more eye contact becomes very, very awkward.
[102.720 --> 105.840]  One of the things I do in one of my classes is I have people stare in, stare each other
[105.840 --> 107.920]  in the eyes for three minutes without saying anything.
[107.920 --> 110.160]  They just need to stare each other in the eyes like this.
[110.160 --> 111.160]  Try that.
[111.160 --> 114.600]  Go out and try to stare somebody in the eyes for even 90 seconds.
[114.600 --> 116.200]  Like guarantee you can't do it.
[116.200 --> 117.200]  It's awkward.
[117.200 --> 120.720]  And so awkward because humans are just, we're not really, it's a level of intimacy when
[120.720 --> 124.120]  you stare somebody in the eyes and it's just so awkward doing it with a stranger.
[124.120 --> 127.520]  You know, studies will show that if you stare somebody in the eyes for 90 seconds to admit,
[127.520 --> 131.240]  90 seconds to three minutes, all of a sudden you're going to like that person a lot better
[131.240 --> 134.760]  than everybody else in the room because you kind of shared this emotional connection.
[134.760 --> 137.600]  So eye contact is important in that respect.
[137.600 --> 141.800]  The second thing you can look for essentially is blink rate.
[141.800 --> 143.760]  Now this is a little bit, this is really cool.
[143.760 --> 146.480]  So blink rate is correlated with emotional excitement.
[146.480 --> 149.640]  So when we're emotionally excited, our blink rate tends to increase.
[149.640 --> 153.400]  So average blink rates tend to be below 20 blinks per minute.
[153.400 --> 158.160]  So most people, it depends on where you are, but it's really hard to really nail down
[158.160 --> 159.960]  with the average blink rate is.
[159.960 --> 163.400]  But in my experience, it seems to be around 10 blinks per minute.
[163.400 --> 167.800]  So you see whenever you see a sudden spike or a bunch of sudden spikes in somebody's
[167.800 --> 170.240]  blink rate, it can be an indication of attraction.
[170.240 --> 174.080]  So in my dating studies, you see blink rates to the roof because the person's across
[174.080 --> 176.040]  the table from you is an emotional response.
[176.040 --> 177.640]  You're attracted to them.
[177.640 --> 182.360]  The third way of kind of using the eye to determine attraction is dilation.
[182.360 --> 183.360]  Very interesting.
[183.360 --> 187.000]  Our eyes dilate when we're attracted to something, right?
[187.000 --> 192.000]  It's very, go out and find a Maxim magazine or a Playboy magazine or any cover that's
[192.000 --> 197.960]  predominantly, you know, men focused in every single woman will have her eyes dilated.
[197.960 --> 199.960]  You never ever see them constricted.
[199.960 --> 204.240]  And the reason why is because men perceive women with dilated eyes to be more attracted
[204.240 --> 205.880]  than women with constricted eyes.
[205.880 --> 210.400]  To the point of back in the day, prostitutes used to put a specific toxin in their eyes
[210.400 --> 211.400]  to make them dilate.