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what?
here on your blotter.
no!
yup!
you can't do that. really? is it opposite day already? uh... attention?
hi, this is agent kane...
and if you wanna have ball-slappy sex with me on cyril's desk... please line up and take a number.
you heard the lady. take a number.
eighty-sixed? uh-uh. you don't eighty-six me. because my dad won the navy cross. here's the door.
help.
please help me.
my baby.
he swallowed something, he's choking.
oh, who gives a shit about a baby?
who would want to raise a child here?
well, that was a huge waste of time.
i said don't take your clothes off.
well.
well!
begged, even.
okay, this is good to go.
so was this.
so let's get number two in here.
you really think this is gonna work?
pam, look at me.
yeah...
sploosh.
now serving number two.
i'm two.
that's me! move, dude.
animals.
you're all just animals.
lying in wait at the watering hole...
taut buttocks all aquiver, just aching to pounce... on the supple brown flesh of your woman.
shut up.
they're gonna mess her up.
why are you even here?
hello.
but you're gay.
girl, please.
nobody's that gay.
wait, what?
what, what?
what part of you pay me 600 dollars do you not get?
the part where we don't have sex?
you get to say we did.
which is, like, half the reason men have sex.
but that's a lot of money.
not compared to rotator cuff surgery.
what?
which you're gonna need after the jillion high-fives...
you give your little bros.
okay, i'm in.
but first guy you tell is cyril.
and make up the sickest...
yeah, shut up, do you take plastic?
five percent discount for cash.
i thought it was ten.
oh, oh,
oh, i can't wet my beak?
hey, seriously, kidnappers... super not in the mood for this right now.
or that.
what is that?
is that a drill?
okay, so.
i don't want that.
i make a klein hole in his skull with this.
just shut that off.
then into the hole i smoosh this.
what is that?
and then they can control his brain.
but is soviet technology...
so it's a crapshoot.
this is amazing, no?
what is amazing is we just ran into him on the street.
it's a huge city.
hey. hey! proposition.
first person to untie me, guy or gal...
i will let him or her give me a handy.
ugh.
let's share the milk of human kindness.
what an asshole.
don't worry, your time is coming.
wait, by time do you mean me?
and by don't worry, do you mean the chick's gonna be doing the handy?
and either way, can we do it without that thing?
hey, seriously.
give me a hanjo.
it doesn't work.
i drill hole in head of man who maybe is my son.
put chip in his brain... and now you tell me it doesn't work.
you should have asked me before, you... see, in testing we have had teensy problem... with signal from satellite.
when it is in small window just over the target... it can signal the chip.
but when it exits this window.
ahh.
this problem does not sound teensy!
it is compared to the problem we had... with interference from cell phones.
which in lab sent test subjects into ferocious homicidal rages.
so obviously we need to tweak it.
damn that crazy, jealous russian.