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post | 30kpc7 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,520,602 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30kpc7/whats_yellow_and_lives_off_dead_beatles/ | self.jokes | null | Yoko Ono | What's yellow and lives off dead beatles? | 1 |
post | 30koys | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,520,306 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30koys/what_do_you_call_a_boat_that_gives_you_nothing/ | self.jokes | null | A woe boat. | What do you call a boat that gives you nothing but trouble? | 4 |
post | 30koqd | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,520,140 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30koqd/an_old_blind_cowboy/ | self.jokes | null | An old blind cowboy accidentally walks into an all female biker bar. He takes a seat at the bar, and blurts out, "Who here wants to hear a dumb-blonde joke?" The whole bar goes quiet for a moment, then the biker next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, cowboy, there's three things you ought to know. 1. The bouncer is blonde, is 6'5" and has a billy club. 2. The bartender is blonde too, and she has a baseball bat. And 3. I'm a blonde, professional weight lifter and wrestler. So tell me cowboy, you still wanna tell that joke?"
The old blind cowboy, looking disappointed, shakes his head and says, "Nah, not if I'm going to have to explain it three times..." | An old blind cowboy... | 12 |
post | 30koor | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,520,112 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30koor/i_bought_a_guitar_recently/ | self.jokes | null | I traveled to California recently, along with my dad and wife, to pickup an electric guitar I have been searching for a few months. On the way back, at a rest stop, I felt nervous about leaving an expensive guitar along with my dad and wife to fend for themselves. So I asked my dad to follow my exact instructions, in case of a robbery attempt. "If the robber asks you to make a choice between giving him the guitar or the girl - by all means give him the guitar - for I love my wife very very much. However, if he asks to give him the girl, for the love of God, do NOT say you have a guitar!" | I bought a guitar recently... | 2 |
post | 30koid | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,519,976 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30koid/well_they_warned_me_that_id_go_blind_if_i_kept/ | self.jokes | null | Sitting too close to the TV. | Well, they warned me that I'd go blind if I kept doing that... | 1 |
post | 30koew | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,519,907 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30koew/what_do_you_call_a_snake_that_tells_bad_jokes/ | self.jokes | null | A corn snake | What do you call a snake that tells bad jokes? | 0 |
post | 30knjh | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,519,279 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30knjh/a_long_romantic_kiss_and_then/ | self.jokes | null | She: I think I swallowed your gum.
He: No, I just cleared my throat. | A long, romantic kiss... and then - | 4 |
post | 30kn1u | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,518,924 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30kn1u/why_did_6_want_to_fuck_8/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | Why did 6 want to fuck 8? | 0 |
post | 30km85 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,518,296 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30km85/what_does_your_grandma_and_a_washing_machine_have/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | What does your grandma and a washing machine have in common? | 4 |
post | 30klyq | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,518,086 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30klyq/a_city_slicker_moves_to_the_countryside/ | self.jokes | null | ... and is visited by his nearest neighbor, the rancher who lives 5 miles distant.
The rancher says, "Welcome to the neighborhood! I'm having a party tomorrow, and you're invited."
The city slicker says, "Well, that's very very neighborly of you. Thank you."
Rancher says, "Though I should warn you, there's a-gonna be some heavy drinkin'."
City slicker says, "That's okay, I've done my share of drinking."
Rancher says, "And there's probably a-gonna be some fightin', too."
City slicker says, "Well... that's okay, I can keep my own peace."
Rancher says, "And there's a-gonna be some sex, too."
City slicker says, "I'm fine with that. So... is there anything I should bring to the party?"
Rancher says, "Naw, it's just a-gonna be you and me." | A city slicker moves to the countryside... | 60 |
post | 30klsw | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,517,952 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30klsw/whats_the_difference_between_a_3_figure_and_a/ | self.jokes | null | 1 figure, literally and figuratively. | What's the difference between a 3 figure and a 4-figure suit? | 3 |
post | 30klri | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,517,926 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30klri/want_to_know_a_100_effective_form_of_birth_control/ | self.jokes | null | Abortion 0_o | Want to know a 100% effective form of birth control? | 1 |
post | 30kkv5 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,517,285 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30kkv5/which_professional_tennis_player_masturbates_the/ | self.jokes | null | Andy Rawdick | Which professional tennis player masturbates the most? | 4 |
post | 30kkmu | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,517,128 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30kkmu/riddle_what_has_wings_but_cant_fly_legs_but_cant/ | self.jokes | null | A dead bird | Riddle: What has wings but can't fly, legs but can't walk, and a mouth but can't speak? | 16 |
post | 30kkep | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,516,975 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30kkep/why_do_all_the_lesbians_shop_at_the_sports/ | self.jokes | null | Because they don't like Dicks.
| Why do all the lesbians shop at The Sports Authority? | 12 |
post | 30kkc9 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,516,922 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30kkc9/a_horse_walks_into_a_bar/ | self.jokes | null | A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says "hey SICCNESS206, put your pants back on" | A horse walks into a bar...... | 0 |
post | 30kj2u | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,516,061 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30kj2u/a_skunk_and_a_duck/ | self.jokes | null | A duck and a skunk were walking along a lake. The duck wanted to show off how fast he could fly, so he bolted off across the lake, but lost control and hit a tree.
The skunk ran up to him, "Hey, Buddy! Are you OK??"
"I think I'm fine, but I don't remember what I am?" the duck replied.
"Well" said the Skunk, "You have a beak, feathers, and webbed feet. You must be a duck!"
The duck was joyous, "You're right, I am a duck!"
But just then, a dangling branch fell off from the previous impact and hit the skunk on the head.
The duck shook him until he woke up, "Buddy are you ok??"
"I feel fine, but I don't remember what I am?"
"Well" said the duck, "You're half black, half white, and smell like shit, you must be Puerto Rican" | A Skunk and a Duck | 0 |
post | 30kilr | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,515,707 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30kilr/how_did_hitler_like_his_women/ | self.jokes | null | just like his swastikas. No curves | How did hitler like his women? | 1 |
post | 30kidh | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,515,565 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30kidh/what_happens_when_a_jewish_guy_with_a_boner_walks/ | self.jokes | null | He breaks his nose | What happens when a Jewish guy with a boner walks into a wall? | 0 |
post | 30khr3 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,515,181 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30khr3/remember_when_you_used_to_blow_bubbles_while_you/ | self.jokes | null | He was here about a half an hour ago looking for you. | Remember when you used to blow bubbles while you chewed gum? | 0 |
post | 30khmp | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,515,091 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30khmp/what_do_you_call_10_crying_kids_standing_in_a_line/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | What do you call 10 crying kids standing in a line? | 1 |
post | 30kgvm | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,514,613 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30kgvm/tickle_me_elmo_factory/ | self.jokes | null | The Tickle Me Elmo factory has just hired a new employee, and today's her first day on the job. The plant manager gives her a quick tour of the assembly line, then shows the employee her station at the end of the line where she will be operating. The morning whistle blows and production on the line begins churning out red fluffy children's toys one after another.
Within an hour, production has halted, the line is backed up and the manager is forced from his office to see what's going on in the factory. The other employees all point to the new worker at the end of the line. The manager walks over to find the new worker, outfitted with a sewing machine, a bag of marbles, and a spool of red fluffy Elmo fabric- all of which were not there when he sat her down at the beginning of the day.
In horror, the manager connects the dots and realizes what has happened... A group of Tickle Me Elmo dolls lay in a pile, all with fluffy pouches sewn between their legs. He screams "What have you done!" To which a shocked employee on her first day responds, "What you told me to do!"
"No!" Screams the manager, "I told you to give them two TEST-TICKLES!!" | Tickle Me Elmo Factory | 54 |
post | 30kgod | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,514,488 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30kgod/a_pantsshitting_offer_from_the_afterlife/ | self.jokes | null | Saint Peter was right outside heaven's gate, sitting on his little wooden desk. In front of him, there was a queue of freshly arrived souls waiting to be approved into heaven.
Saint Peter saw a man on the queue who was particularly upset; grunting and throwing fist on the air. When he got to the desk he firmly claimed it was a mistake and demanded to be brought back to life to his beloved wife, children and cats (while banging his fists on the table).
Saint Peter calmly checked his files and figured out this man was actually right, the angels of death had made a mistake. The man protested, he wanted to live again. Saint Peter told him it was impossible, but had on offer at hand for him: he could come back to the world... as an animal, not a human.
He could choose any animal he wanted.
The man thought about it, he didn't wanted to be an ugly nasty cockroach, neither a tiger since he would have to fight. He went for a spider. A tiny, insignificant spider.
ABRACADABRA
The miracle was made, and now he was a spider at the top of the tree. He was amused. He wanted to make a web, so started pushing it out of his ass. PUSH... again, PUSH, PUSH, PUSH...
And suddenly, a voice: "HONEY, WAKE UP, YOU SHIT YOUR FUCKING PANTS!! OH MY GOD, ALL OVER THE BED!!!"
| A pants-shitting offer from the afterlife | 11 |
post | 30kgc3 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,514,259 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30kgc3/a_man_was_arrested_i_kennedy_airport_today/ | self.jokes | null | At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult, "Gonzales said. They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value.
They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as unknowns, but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."
| A man was arrested i Kennedy airport today.... | 0 |
post | 30kg7s | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,514,170 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30kg7s/race_horse_joketongue_twister/ | self.jokes | null | One-one was a race horse.
Two-two was one too.
One-one won one race.
Two-two won one too. | Race Horse Joke/tongue twister | 9 |
post | 30kg42 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,514,101 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30kg42/seriousdance/ | self.jokes | null | [removed] | #seriousdance | 1 |
post | 30kfvg | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,513,946 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30kfvg/i_was_talking_to_my_friend_the_other_day_about_my/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | I was talking to my friend the other day about my plan to assassinate a Canadian pop punk band. | 3 |
post | 30kf8z | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,513,508 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30kf8z/free_air/ | self.jokes | null | (Help yourself.) | Free air! | 2 |
post | 30kf26 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,513,401 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30kf26/what_is_a_pirates_favorite_element/ | self.jokes | null | Gold. | What is a pirate's favorite element? | 3 |
post | 30kej8 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,513,051 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30kej8/why_did_the_baker_have_smelly_hands/ | self.jokes | null | Because he kneaded a poo | Why did the Baker have smelly hands? | 2 |
post | 30keff | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,512,984 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30keff/ice_bank_mice_elf/ | self.jokes | null | (repeat this 10 times fast) | Ice Bank Mice Elf | 7 |
post | 30ke72 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,512,821 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30ke72/remember_where_to_put_your_commas_kids/ | self.jokes | null | There's a big difference between helping your old uncle Jack, off his horse... | Remember where to put your commas kids... | 1 |
post | 30kdiy | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,512,411 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30kdiy/an_85yearold_man_was_requested_by_his_doctor_to/ | self.jokes | null | The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this --- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'
The doctor was shocked and said, “asked your neighbor?”
The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.
| An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor to have a sperm count as part of his physical exam. | 1,048 |
post | 30kd6v | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,512,197 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30kd6v/what_do_you_call_a_cow_with_no_legs/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | What do you call a cow with no legs? | 1 |
post | 30kcsa | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,511,956 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30kcsa/what_do_the_montreal_canadians_and_marijuana/ | self.jokes | null | Both of them smoke the leafs | What do the Montreal Canadians and marijuana addicts have in common? | 0 |
post | 30kc2t | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,511,546 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30kc2t/my_mom_momjoked_my_dad/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | My mom mom-joked my dad | 0 |
post | 30kbet | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,511,133 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30kbet/roses_are_red/ | self.jokes | null | Roses are red, violets are blue, on a scale of 1 to Chris Brown, how hard did he hit you?
***I am not for domestic abuse or find it a laughing matter but my future wife just told me this while we were brushing our teeth.*** | Roses are red... | 0 |
post | 30kaoe | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,510,714 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30kaoe/two_gay_guys_are_walking_down_a_sidewalk/ | self.jokes | null | As they are walking along they pass a funeral home. One of them turns to the other and asks.
"You wanna go in andcsuck down a couple cold ones?"
Thank you. I'll show my self out. | Two gay guys are walking down a sidewalk. | 0 |
post | 30k9nx | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,510,071 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30k9nx/if_youre_russian_to_get_into_the_bathroom_and/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | If you're Russian to get into the bathroom, and Finnish when you get out, what are you while you're in the bathroom? | 1 |
post | 30k967 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,509,792 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30k967/good_golf_bad_sex/ | self.jokes | null | Four men were playing a round of gold while in Ireland. One of them sliced, and his ball sailed into a tangle of brush. As he was digging around through the bushes searching for his ball, he surprised a leprechaun.
"Seein' that you found me, I'm bound to grant you a wish", the leprechaun tells him.
After thinking for a minute, the man starts to answer, but the leprechaun cuts him off. "I have to warn you though. Leprechaun wishes are tricky things, 'cause every wish comes with a curse too. Say you be wishin' for a billion dollars. I'd give you the money, but I'd also be making you weak and sickly so you wouldn't be enjoying it. So be prepared that I'll give you your wish, but I'll curse you too."
The man says, "I love golf, but I've never been very good. If I wished to be the best golfer in the world, what would your curse be?"
The leprechaun replies, "I can make you the best golfer the world's ever seen, but if I do I'll make your sex life as bad as your golf game is good."
After just a moment, the man tells the leprechaun, "I'll take that deal." "So be it", says the leprechaun, and then he vanishes into the bushes.
From that moment on the man cannot hit a bad shot. His drives are long and straight. His putts are perfect. He hits at least one hole in one in every round he plays. Before long he has the PGA begging him to join the tour, which he does.
Almost a year to the day after his encounter with the leprechaun, he is back in Ireland and at the same course. Overcome with curiosity, he hits a ball into the brush exactly where he'd lost his ball the year before.
Sure enough, when he goes into the bushes he finds the same leprechaun.
"I'll not be granting you a wish this time", the leprechaun says. "The code only requires me to grant you one wish no matter how many times you find me." "That's ok", the man replies. "This wish has been more wonderful than I could ever have imagined! Since we met, I've not lost a round and I've set course records at every course I've played. I've even won three PGA majors already."
The leprechaun smiles, "Well, that's mighty fine, but how's your sex life been?" "Not bad", the man answers. The leprechaun is incredulous. "How many times have you had sex this past year?" "About 5 or 6 times", is the man's answer. "And you call that not bad?!?" The leprechaun shouts. The man responds, "Well, not for a priest from a small parish."
| Good Golf. Bad Sex | 1 |
post | 30k8vl | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,509,605 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30k8vl/eli5_if_silicon_valley_seceded_from_the_us/ | self.jokes | null | would they be considered a developing nation? | ELI5: If Silicon Valley seceded from the US | 5 |
post | 30k8dx | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,509,304 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30k8dx/my_friend_said_im_racist/ | self.jokes | null | But I'm not racist, I have one black friend. | My friend said I'm racist. | 0 |
post | 30k7qe | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,508,925 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30k7qe/do_you_know_what_a_freudian_slip_is/ | self.jokes | null | It's where you say one thing but fuck your mother. | Do you know what a Freudian slip is? | 90 |
post | 30k7lq | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,508,850 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30k7lq/i_was_at_a_restaurant_and_my_waitress_had_a_black/ | self.jokes | null | So I ordered really slow, because she obviously doesn't listen | I was at a restaurant and my waitress had a black eye | 479 |
post | 30k65a | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,507,983 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30k65a/how_many_legs_does_an_elephant_have_if_you_count/ | self.jokes | null | Four. Because calling the trunk a leg doesn’t make it a leg. | How many legs does an elephant have if you count his trunk as a leg? | 0 |
post | 30k5oz | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,507,703 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30k5oz/what_happens_when_everyone_in_the_country_takes_a/ | self.jokes | null | What happens when everyone in the country takes a pee at the same time?
Urine-nation! | What happens when everyone in the country takes a pee at the same time? | 0 |
post | 30k5lp | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,507,649 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30k5lp/i_discovered_that_rsexwithdogs_exists_other_day/ | self.jokes | null | Reddit is going to the dogs | I discovered that r/sexwithdogs exists other day and realised | 3 |
post | 30k5ha | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,507,570 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30k5ha/a_man_walks_into_a_bar/ | self.jokes | null | Ouch | A man walks into a bar. | 0 |
post | 30k3ab | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,506,278 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30k3ab/im_not_really_a_fighter/ | self.jokes | null | I'm more pass a fist | I'm not really a fighter... | 6 |
post | 30k330 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,506,156 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30k330/why_dont_people_tell_jokes_about_the_reverend_jim/ | self.jokes | null | The punchline is too long. | Why don't people tell jokes about the Reverend Jim Jones? | 0 |
post | 30k2nn | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,505,904 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30k2nn/me_why_is_gay_marriage_such_an_issue_nowadays/ | self.jokes | null | Friend: Because people are FUCKING ASSHOLES!
This can be taken in two ways and both are correct. | Me: Why is gay marriage such an issue now-a-days? | 159 |
post | 30k1l6 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,505,275 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30k1l6/what_do_you_call_an_atheist_at_a_christian_fancy/ | self.jokes | null | A cross-dresser. | What do you call an Atheist at a Christian fancy dress party? | 0 |
post | 30k13u | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,505,013 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30k13u/what_do_you_call_it_when_muslim_men_play_naked/ | self.jokes | null | Dinner entertainment at Guantanamo Bay | What do you call it when Muslim men play naked twister? | 0 |
post | 30k0mm | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,504,733 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30k0mm/how_do_you_make_a_90s_kid_mad/ | self.jokes | null | The game. | How do you make a 90's kid mad? | 21 |
post | 30k0gz | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,504,648 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30k0gz/this_husband_and_wife_had_been_driving_for_nearly/ | self.jokes | null | and decide its time too get a room too relax and get a little sleep. They find a nice hotel and get a room for the night. They go up stairs too there room,shower,eat and sleep.they wake up,eat breakfast ad go down stairs too check out. The receptionist tells them there bill is 350 dollars,the husband thinks he mistook the bill of being 350,so he asked again for the bill,the receptionist once again said 350,so the husband trys too argue how could it be so much and the receptionist cut him off and explained " we have a guest speaker that is renting out one of our halls and guest's could have went and heard his seminar for free,we have a pool,a gym,a tennis court and a open bar open too the guest ". The husband tells him they did not use any of those services and the receptionist exclaimed " but as a guest,you could have " so the husband is now mortified and goes too protest,smiles,and pulls out his check book,and signs and gives the receptionist a check,seeing it he says " but Sir,its only 100 dollars,theres 250 un accountable here ". With the husbands sly smirk he says i'm charging you 250 for sleeping with my wife" . The receptionist giving a shocking face,looks both at the husband and wife then the husband and says " but Sir i did not do such a thong " and the husband replies " but you could have " and promptly turns and walks out with his wife in tow. | This husband and wife had been driving for nearly 20 hours | 6 |
post | 30k0fh | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,504,625 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30k0fh/if_my_inlaws_break_a_bylaw_does_it_make_them/ | self.jokes | null | Would any lawyer be in a preposition to answer this one for me? | If my inlaws break a bylaw, does it make them outlaws? | 2 |
post | 30k0aw | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,504,548 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30k0aw/great_insults/ | self.jokes | null | A letter from teacher to parent:Dear parent,Kamal doesn't smel nice in class.Please try to bathe him.Parent answer:Dear teacher,Kamal is not a rose.Don't smell him.Teach him. | Great Insults | 0 |
post | 30k06y | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,504,494 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30k06y/what_do_you_call_a_female_chicken_that_goes/ | self.jokes | null | A lesbi-hen | What do you call a female chicken that goes "cock-a-doodle-doo"? | 19 |
post | 30jzn9 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,504,174 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jzn9/so_you_speak_german/ | self.jokes | null | "NEIN!" | "So, you speak German?" | 0 |
post | 30jzju | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,504,115 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jzju/after_suicide_bombing/ | self.jokes | null | Juglesh and Bingdar find themselves in paradise. But it's very warm so Juglesh aksed the first person he sees, a huge man/animal shaped guy with a long tail and says, "excuse me sir, we are great jihadis and just arrived in paradise. It awfully warm here, Can you turn de air conditioning on?" Then Bingdar chimed in, "and sir, since we great jihadis, where de virgins we promised?" The man/animal looked down from his 7 foot height, frowning with his tail twitching, "You the virgins bitches! I'm a gonna fuck youse in da ass! And dis be hell!"
With that Juglesh and Bingdar took off running in terror with Mandingo man/animal in hot pursuit, his giant penis erect. | After suicide bombing | 0 |
post | 30jz8l | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,503,954 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jz8l/why_dont_blind_people_skydive/ | self.jokes | null | It scares the shit out of their dogs | Why don't blind people skydive? | 42 |
post | 30jz6z | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,503,928 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jz6z/whitney_houston_is_3_years_sober/ | self.jokes | null | Wow! Never thought it would happen | Whitney Houston is 3 Years sober! | 102 |
post | 30jz4u | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,503,895 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jz4u/i_was_in_the_pub_last_night_when_the_barman_asked/ | self.jokes | null | I asked him, "Would you drink with a bloke who's a liar, always late, borrows money he never pays back, always tries to squirm out of his round, jealous of everything you have, and when your back is turned he tries to fuck your wife and daughter?"
"Bloody hell! No!" he said, somewhat flabbergasted.
"Well, neither would Pete," | I was in the pub last night when the barman asked me, "How come I never see you in here with Pete any more?" | 4,282 |
post | 30jyrn | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,503,694 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jyrn/what_animal_is_two_animals_at_the_same_time/ | self.jokes | null | The Cat: because is a cat and a spider :)
... oh, wait. | What animal is two animals at the same time? | 0 |
post | 30jycc | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,503,431 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jycc/i_was_fighting_with_my_wife_over_the_arrangement/ | self.jokes | null | I thought I had won but when I got home from work the tables were turned. | I was fighting with my wife over the arrangement of the dining-room furniture. | 62 |
post | 30jycd | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,503,431 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jycd/what_do_you_call_a_mexican_that_loses_a_car/ | self.jokes | null | Carlos. | What do you call a Mexican that loses a car? | 1 |
post | 30jy9v | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,503,393 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jy9v/if_a_white_girl_falls_in_the_forest/ | self.jokes | null | and no one is around to omg, does she even? | If a white girl falls in the forest, | 1 |
post | 30jy4t | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,503,313 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jy4t/the_difference_between_4chan_and_reddit/ | self.jokes | null | http://www.wwwdotcom.com/ | The difference between 4Chan and Reddit. | 0 |
post | 30jxsp | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,503,121 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jxsp/why_did_dyslexic_hitler_invent_mopeds/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | Why did dyslexic Hitler invent mopeds? | 0 |
post | 30jxhp | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,502,937 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jxhp/i_like_my_women_like_i_like_my_coffee/ | self.jokes | null | Without a penis | I like my women like I like my coffee.... | 4 |
post | 30jx58 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,502,745 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jx58/what_kind_of_people_like_scotties_hair/ | self.jokes | null | Chubby 7th grade girls! | What kind of people like Scottie's hair? | 0 |
post | 30jwxb | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,502,626 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jwxb/what_do_you_call_it_when_lesbians_break_up/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | What do you call it when lesbians break up? | 0 |
post | 30jwab | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,502,287 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jwab/whats_the_difference_between_a_hobo_on_a_tricycle/ | self.jokes | null | A tyre (attire) | What's the difference between a hobo on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle? | 6 |
post | 30jvk3 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,501,916 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jvk3/what_did_the_young_boy_say_to_the_pedophile_whos/ | self.jokes | null | Nothing, he died choking on cum. | What did the young boy say to the pedophile who's dick was soft? | 0 |
post | 30juuf | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,501,541 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30juuf/what_do_call_you_it_when_a_butt_pirate_calls/ | self.jokes | null | Booty call. | What do call you it when a butt pirate calls another butt pirate on the phone? | 1 |
post | 30juf7 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,501,292 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30juf7/just_depends/ | self.jokes | null | Two old people flirt at a seniors' singles bar. After a few drinks, the old man asks the old woman, "If I took you out for a full night of wining, dining and dancing, what would you wear?"
The old woman replies shyly, "Depends... ."
"Depends on what?" he asks.
"On my bottom -- where else?!" | JUST DEPENDS | 0 |
post | 30jtbw | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,500,733 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jtbw/how_would_you_describe_killing_an_eagle/ | self.jokes | null | ill-eagle | How would you describe killing an eagle? | 2 |
post | 30jt8t | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,500,692 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jt8t/what_do_grapefruit_and_women_have_in_common/ | self.jokes | null | The best ones squirt when you eat them. | What do grapefruit and women have in common? | 3 |
post | 30jt45 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,500,631 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jt45/irish_ghost/ | self.jokes | null | John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of
the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a
big storm.
The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so
strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.
Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and it stopped.
John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into
the car and closed the door.... Only to realize there was nobody
behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on.
The car started moving
slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching.
Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before
the car hit the curve, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the
window, and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched
as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him.
Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road,
so, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it.. Wet
and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about
the horrible experience he had just had.
A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying...
And wasn't drunk.
Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the dark
and stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath.
Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to
the other....
'Look Paddy....there's that fooking idiot that got in the car while we were
pushing it!' | Irish Ghost | 63 |
post | 30jso8 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,500,403 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jso8/once_upon_a_time_i_went_to_pittsburgh_to_see_a/ | self.jokes | null | During one of the half-inning breaks of that game, I went to get a soda from a vending machine for $1.75. I put in my two dollars, got my drink, but I didn't get my change back. I was rather annoyed, but then I realised: Pirates give no quarter. | Once upon a time, I went to Pittsburgh to see a baseball game | 1 |
post | 30jskw | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,500,352 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jskw/annual_how_to_avoid_array_overflowing_seminar/ | self.jokes | null | at Febuary'29 | Annual "How to Avoid Array Overflowing" seminar will be held | 1 |
post | 30jsjb | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,500,331 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jsjb/why_do_cows_have_hooves_instead_of_feet/ | self.jokes | null | Because they.... lactose..... | Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? | 1,641 |
post | 30jshs | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,500,307 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jshs/i_was_really_drunk_once_and_gave_a_girl_a_rimjob/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | I was really drunk once and gave a girl a rim-job... | 26 |
post | 30js1u | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,500,066 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30js1u/what_do_you_call_a_slutty_bean/ | self.jokes | null | A Frijole ("free-hole").
Ba-dun-tss | What do you call a slutty bean? | 0 |
post | 30jrzv | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,500,038 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jrzv/what_do_you_call_a_black_pilot/ | self.jokes | null | A glitch in the matrix | What do you call a black pilot? | 0 |
post | 30jrik | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,499,752 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jrik/two_most_important_rules_of_programming/ | self.jokes | null | 1. Avoid repetitions
2. Avoid repetitions | Two most important rules of programming | 1 |
post | 30jr5w | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,499,554 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jr5w/one_fish_two_fish/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | One fish two fish. | 1 |
post | 30jr5k | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,499,549 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jr5k/how_do_you_get_people_to_look_at_your_post/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | How do you get people to look at your post? | 4 |
post | 30jr2i | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,499,504 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jr2i/first_day_of_school/ | self.jokes | null | Q: What did the dad buffalo say to his son on the first day of school?
A: Bison | FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL | 0 |
post | 30jr0l | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,499,473 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jr0l/batman_went_to_penguins_bar_and_was_given_the/ | self.jokes | null | Just ice was served. | Batman went to Penguin's bar and was given the wrong drink... | 4 |
post | 30jr0a | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,499,469 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jr0a/how_do_you_circumcise_an_inbred/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | How do you circumcise an inbred? | 0 |
post | 30jq7k | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,499,033 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jq7k/why_did_the_jews_roam_the_deset_for_40_years/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | Why did the jews roam the deset for 40 years? | 0 |
post | 30jq21 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,498,957 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jq21/why_should_rihanna_date_the_edmonton_oilers/ | self.jokes | null | Because they don't beat anybody. | Why should Rihanna date the Edmonton Oilers? | 15 |
post | 30jp5p | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,498,498 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jp5p/what_do_you_call_a_black_man_flying_an_aeroplane/ | self.jokes | null | ... a pilot, you racist fuck | What do you call a black man flying an aeroplane?... | 8 |
post | 30jp3i | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,498,463 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jp3i/a_pirate_in_a_bar/ | self.jokes | null | [deleted] | A pirate in a bar. | 6 |
post | 30jp2k | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,498,452 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jp2k/what_do_you_get_when_you_cross_the_worlds/ | self.jokes | null | A funeral, probably. | What do you get when you cross the world's strongest man and his mean old grandmother? | 1 |
post | 30jof2 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,498,102 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jof2/my_girlfriend_has_a_seashell_tattooed_on_her/ | self.jokes | null | If you put your ear to it, you can smell the ocean. | My girlfriend has a seashell tattooed on her inner thigh. | 199 |
post | 30jo35 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,497,934 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jo35/i_cant_believe_my_roommate_thinks_i_have_boundary/ | self.jokes | null | at least that's what her diary said. | I can't believe my roommate thinks I have boundary issues... | 9 |
post | 30jnmr | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,497,686 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jnmr/best_knock_knock_jokes/ | self.jokes | null | What are your favorite funny knock knock jokes? Or just clean jokes in general? Funny one liners, why the chicken crossed the road? Ready set go! | Best knock knock jokes? | 0 |
post | 30jmj1 | 2qh72 | jokes | false | 1,427,497,152 | https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/30jmj1/why_couldnt_the_pirate_remember_his_alphabet/ | self.jokes | null | Because he lost his I | Why couldn't the pirate remember his alphabet? | 0 |