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French | Est-ce que quelqu'un a l'impression que vous vivez en mode pilote automatique? Depuis les dernières années, j'ai l'impression de continuer à faire des choses en pilote automatique comme aller à l'université et à la salle de sport, puis dormir, rincer et répéter et ainsi de suite. Rien ne me pousse vraiment à faire plus que ça et c'est juste que je me sens obligé de ne pas savoir vraiment pourquoi j'ai été dans une chute depuis. |
English | Second Attempt never feel like I fit in anywhere I never feel like I have friends I think I've pushed my boyfriend over the edge with my mental illness, and he has stopped loving me I'm seeing a therapist I'm on medication nothing works I think I'm doomed to be this way and I really think I'll do it soon |
English | I'm ready to cave want to kill myself but I'm scared Do you think it hurts What if hell is real and that's where I go But what if there's nothing Is that going to feel good or will my last thought be fear of the nothingness and regret Is there a quick and easy way to die that doesn't give me enough time to change my mind I need to die I'm scared of what comes next I don't want to face it My life s just going to be down hill from here Please death is the only way out how can I make it not so damn scary I tried earlier to impale my heart so that I wouldn't have enough preparation time to think about it but in the end I was scared of the pain I don't know what to do I have no hope I squandered my chances at hope I want to sleep forever I want to close my eyes and not ever have to open them again Is there a way that I can go in my sleep |
French | Je vais me tuer cette année Je ne peux pas continuer à faire cette vie C'est putain de stupide et fou Pas plus Pour le bien de moi et de quiconque impliqué |
English | When the feather weighs a ton The final straw the last laugh and the deciding factor are not always extremely significant or greatly impactful things They are simply the culmination of a burden that one can bear no longer All the small things add up The demon that has been fought for years or decades has grown beyond the capacity for defeat Am I to blame for this Does it even matter My life has been a myriad of mental wars Childhood abuse sexual physical and emotional were buried, so I could face the world and try to make a better life for myself A marriage plagued by mistreatment and mental abuse bore the fruit of two wonderful children They are grown now and since I finally found the courage to leave their mother I completely lost communication with one and the other is a few words a day if I am lucky The hopefully me allowed myself to fall in love again I love my wife but the little white lies veiled intentions and twists of fault never seem to cease I feel as though no matter how much good I do or how hard I try to make everything the best it can be I am a failure Opening doors treating her like a queen cooking and cleaning working multiple jobs and doing all within my ability to make our home amazing seems to not be enough I am not enough My heart is shattered because she knows my past and is undeterred in doing the things she knows hurt me the most I am a great husband but it is never enough Again I find myself staring into the depths of the demon s eyes Back to the beckoning call of each moment showing a way out of this meaningless existence Back to knowing that it wouldn't matter if the semi slammed into me if I fell from the cliff if I took the bullet if the pills all disappeared or if my wrists cried as I do Last night while she took a bath lots of those as of late after yet another failure on my part I took a walk I'm so unnoticed in my own home that a pm wall on a rainy night doesn't even register I stared at the ocean and thought about who would miss me if I were able to walk out and never return Sadly the ocean roared back with the same empty answer that I have always known When I cease this existence nothing will change My phone will still be silent my funeral will be as big a lie as my life and every false tear shed will be an attempt that was never made to be a friend I have all the options means and will Now I simply have to make my decision I can no longer fight my demon because he is the only one that has never left me or changed |
English | I'll tell you my story was scared of my father since I can remember I was mentally and physically abused More mentally tho Physically it wasn't that bad he spanked me every time I did something wrong He also often jerked me But I wasn't really a naughty kid It was more like your daughter is crying because she's fucking Yeah spank and jerk her then yell at her to let her know she's the worst It still wasn't that bad I mean I mostly didn't even have any bruises But I started being scared every time he was close to me My mother wasn't a good person but she sometimes hugged me after my father did something to me, She didn't stand for physical abuse Both of my parents were always insulting me For everything I thought I was the worst that everyone hated me that I was not worth talking with It felt like I was doing everything wrong I've felt like a failure even in fucking kindergarten I went to the elementary school I was very shy and scared of meeting new people They'll hate me as everyone do I met one girl we became friends, and you know what After two years or so she hit me in the face with a metal gate and said I was ugly and that no one liked me We were fucking years old like I didn't even know kids can be so terrible for others But well she was right no one from our school liked me They started making fun of me like you know a shy girl without any friends won't tell anyone won't have anyone by her side won't do shit with whatever you'd do to her When I was they started also jerking me sometimes hitting me stealing my food water or other things So you know I was abused at school and at home I had no one I couldn't feel safe anywhere When I was I had the worst argument with my parents in my whole life My mother told me that I had ruined her life and that she hated me I got to know that they didn't want to have a kid and didn't really love each other they decided to get married because my mother got up the duff So they blamed me for ruining their life That was the first time my mother hit me I started crying Like that really broke me Am I really that terrible that even s h e hits me I must really be the worst I fucking hate myself My father got annoyed by my crying and started jerking me I fell on the floor and started crying even louder I felt so fucking bad I was so done He shouted something like Stop crying or I'll fucking kill you I said Than just finally do it Then he put his hands on my face Tightly I couldn't breath I was so fucking scared I thought I was going to die I started having panic attacks Now I know that situation was a main reason But I found this out few years later I also started cutting myself I was and I wanted to fucking die I hated myself my life I hated everything I just wanted it all to stop I went to the middle school I had one friend She was abused by the same persons in our previous school so we decided to hold together Many people didn't like me As always I wanted to be an emo a punk I don't really know I just wanted to show people I was different I guess but well that was a good reason for others not to like me I think they wouldn't like me anyway I and this friend met a group of people once they wanted to become friends with us and I got really exited because I've never really had friends except this girl of course We started meeting pretty often We were they were and they were already drinking really frequently Year later they also started smoking weed I and this friend let s call her X got into this too We started drinking and smoking cigarettes and weed We thought it was cool you know you could just stop thinking for a moment and all your problems didn't matter for a while For a while I also went to the psychiatrists for the first time my parents still didn't really care I started taking meds but they've never worked Wow maybe that s because my coping mechanisms were alcohol and fucking drugs Time passed we were I and X went to the same high school she got a new boyfriend and didn't have time for me anymore But that was okay right I still had this group of friends who liked drinking and smoking with me right Well no They started taking other drugs and designer drugs or legal highs I don't really know how you call it hope you know what I mean So I knew designer drugs were a real shit God knows what they're really made of But I didn't care I felt like shit and I wanted to die so for real who cares But well I often had panic attacks or anxiety attacks after doing drugs I still liked it because I could stop thinking about all this shit for a while but it wasn't worth it stopped after about two months I preferred alcohol And meds Yes I was overdosing fucking meds instead of doing drugs I even had serotonin syndrome once But again I stopped after about two months Because I didn't feel okay after doing drugs after overdosing meds after getting drunk I just didn't feel okay at all X and her boyfriend started taking designer drugs really often Everyday They were high every single day Even during lessons I was scared I didn't want them to take them They had changed, and I wanted my friends back I wanted them to stop But nothing worked they didn't want to stop Every single day I saw them like this I stopped meeting that group of friends I didn't want to hang out with junkies anymore But one day I tried to reach X or her boyfriend I texted them a thousand times I called thousand times and there was no respond After few hours I called these old friends, and they said only that something bad probably had happened I immediately ran to the place I thought they would be at And I found them Barely alive They overdosed and took something weird They didn't even know what They were so aggressive trying to hit me screaming so damn load crying I was frightened But I called their parents and an ambulance Few hours later their parents and police wanted me to come to the hospital and tell them what I knew My parents were so fucking mad they thought I was a junkie They didn't believe me X and her boyfriend were unconscious for few days I was so damn terrified Their parents started to hate me They said everything was my fault and that I was the worst friend they could have They blamed me for everything even when the doctor said that I saved their fucking lives Because I did If I didn't run there and call an ambulance they would be dead But no one cared they just hated me As everyone always do They got expelled from the school I was alone again I had no one again Everyone thought I was a junkie People from my class teachers Everyone I felt like shit every single day at this school teachers wanted me to fail the year I had to change school Now I m I m in the final year of high school X is in another school, but we still sometimes talk Not really often tho In my school I have no one I feel like shit every day I hate my life and I hate myself even more I often cut myself I don't drink nor take drugs I prefer being sober I've been taking meds for about years now and they've never worked I have health issues, so I often miss my classes It's not really my fault I'm doing my best I often throw up maybe that s because of so much stress I don't know It's just like I go to school and few minutes before the lesson I just feel so overwhelmed I go to the bathroom to throw up or have a panic attack there Headmistress doesn't understand this and want to expel me In my fucking final year I just have enough I don't know what I should do any more I don't want to live but I don't think I really want to die I just want to be good but it's never been good I don't believe I'll pass final exams or get to the university I've always thought I'd be dead at this time I've never planned anything because I was like well I'll just kill myself anyway And that's literally the only option I see Suicide I'm a failure I can't do anything right I can't even live properly I won't be able to just go to university find a job and live a normal life I can't I won't make this I'm too weak I m such a mess I just don't want to live like this any more I don't really know what's the point of this post I needed to get all these thoughts out of my head Thank you for reading if anyone s going to read this I hope you'll have a good day |
French | Malade d'être suicidaire J'ai passé la plus grande partie de ma vie |
French | Ma douleur est dans ma tête et je veux l'exprimer comment il ya quelques mois, je buvais seul et était presque à mon point de rupture Toute cette douleur et la solitude et le désespoir Et il est fatigant de le garder en bouteille dans ma tête comme si elle n'existe pas vraiment et est juste une pensée fugace ou se sentir comme tout autre Je voulais commencer à casser les choses dans mon appartement et appeler la police ou les services de santé sur moi-même |
English | Can you talk to your therapist about being suicidal without being committed My suicidal thoughts are intensifying to a point where I feel like killing myself is inevitable I don't even necessarily have a burning desire to kill myself, but I am starting to feel strongly that there are signs in the universe that are leading to me to committing suicide I was thinking about what would happen to my cat if I killed myself and then randomly like a week after I thought that my boyfriend randomly asked me in bed if he could have my cat if anything happened to me Why would he bring up something like that It felt like a sign Then just the other day my sister told me she has intrusive thoughts about me killing myself And today I realized I already had some of the supplies for my method of choice in my house I just need a few more pieces I don't even really want to kill myself, but I feel like I'm naturally moving towards it Nothing feels real all of my memories feel hazy everything feels weird I feel like I m in a dream or simulation Maybe killing myself will wake me up I wish I could talk to someone about this in real life No one in my life knows I have these thoughts I have a therapist but I'm afraid to bring this up because I don't want to be involuntarily hospitalized I don't have the money And I don't think it would be safe with everything going on I'm starting to freak myself out |
French | Je pense que je vais me suicider aujourd'hui je pense que je suis enfin prêt à partir Ma famille sait que je souffre Ils ont essayé d'aider, mais je sais que c'est inutile Je ne vais pas le faire malgré en fait Je me sens calme et la paix intérieure Merci à tous ceux qui m'ont parlé, J'ai rencontré des gens formidables ici, et j'espère que vous vivez tous une grande vie Mes amis apprendront à vivre sans moi |
French | Y a-t-il quelqu'un à qui parler Comme le titre le dit, je traverse l'une des périodes les plus sombres de ma vie et j'aimerais juste en parler à quelqu'un. |
English | At my wits fucking end I am Due to my current circumstances I am completely isolated I have no vehicle of my own The only person I am around is my partner I have been in therapy for months but have had multiple set backs My partners last words to me were I can't fucking stand you and then he left He has gone no contact with me and is completely stonewalling me I have no friends I am truly losing my fucking mind I have struggled with depression and BPD most of my life I have a history of self harm amp I'm haunted by the fucking scars daily How the fuck do you pull through It's so hard |
French | Est-ce que quelqu'un sait quelque part où je peux obtenir de l'aide en ligne, il n'y a pas beaucoup d'options où je suis qui ne sont pas prohibitives, mais je peux acheter toutes les prescriptions dont je pourrais avoir besoin relativement facilement, je me bats à travers beaucoup de choses et je passe par le processus d'expliquer tout ce qui commence à se terminer à nouveau. |
English | I'm just sick of being here Exactly as it sounds from the title I'm sick of being here I always feel like nobody likes me or ever wants to hang out with me Even my friends always hang out with each other and never invite me I just feel like I don't belong anywhere so I always shut myself in and hang out in my room But that always just reminds me of how lonely I am and my life is going nowhere I don't know what I want to do with my life I'm a junior in high school, so I have to be picking out a college and a major and a career path and stuff like that I have no idea what I want to do I always tell myself I wish I could stay in high school with my friends forever but what's the point of that if they don't even like me Last Friday after the homecoming football game at our school I approached my good friend Sylvia of about a year at her locker when it was just the two of us and asked her out I've had a huge crush on her for a couple of months now but she said she didn't have the same feelings as me, We were both pretty cool about it and then I went home, and she went home and we didn't really talk about it But the next day was the homecoming dance which all of my friends including her went to Dances aren't really my thing, so I didn't go While they were there I asked my friends to see if she said anything about me, They told me she said Yeah Pete me is hilarious and he's pretty cool but we'd just be better as friends I just don't want him to be mad at me This of course was a little bit heartbreaking to me but I still accepted it and understood where she's coming from Then on Sunday I figured I would let her know that I understood she didn't have the same feelings as me and I could never be mad at her, and I was using this as an opportunity to get my life back on track because up till that point I d kinda thrown everything else out the window in favor of impressing her and that I still wanted to be good friends with her, She seemed to be in agreement However on Monday after school she was hanging out with about of our friends while I stayed at home of course and one of the ones there was one of my best friends Lucas I was talking to Lucas about how I was still a little bit upset about Sylvia when out of absolutely no where I noticed that Sylvia blocked me on Snapchat which is the primary communication platform that us kids use nowadays I was a little bit devastated needless to say What could have been her reasoning for this So all day Tuesday it just seems like she's avoiding me which is so out of character for her its unbelievable Then on Wednesday I ask one of her best friends Kat if she has any idea what's going on Kat said that Sylvia s going through some family stuff but that just happened today Wednesday She said that it did seem out of character for Sylvia to block me and then avoid me So I have no idea what is driving her to do this Every time I've tried to talk to her alone and or a group of people she was with everyone else will laugh at whatever stupid joke I say but she just seems all gloomy Like she's upset that I still exist Also I've found her looking at me in the corner of her eye from across the room a couple of times in the last couple of days IDK what to do I just wish i didn't have to deal with any of the stress she's giving me and I wish I could relieve her of the stress i m visibly giving her We were actually perfect friends and then everything just got all fucked up I just feel like I don't belong on this planet Every little thing that happens just shows me how much I don't belong here I just want to be free of this shit I wish I could go to bed and never have to wake up ever again |
English | SucideHonest opinions please Don't worry about hurting me My school principal vice principal and counselors knows this about me, I was raped moved countries as a refugee They do not know explicit details of what I endured though Currently I have a job very involved but have wanted to commit suicide several times and told them each time about it in which they always call the police, but I still keep telling them when I feel suicidal I don't know why My suicidal thoughts reduced from December after I came out of the hospital till about April The school was finally happy that I was feeling better But then the suicidal thoughts came back It was so strong that I wrote letters to people apologizing for every wrong including one teacher That week was bad for me and people said some bad stuff about me Mind you I am I felt it was immature now, and I should not do that Isn't that immature for a year old to be feeling so bad because people said things they didn't like one of the people that I felt said a bad thing bout me really only said how I needed to improve and do better on the environment club team one of the school clubs I am in isn't that immature I feel so stupid because the school called the cops again after hearing about the letters and seeing the one from the teacher Another person I confided in was my pastor and she came to school and told them she was worried The last person was my counselor in which I suddenly wrote a letter and stopped seeing that week And now the school knows that I am still not better but just pretending The principal also once found razor blades that fell out of my purse and knows I am cutting I applied for a perseverance award as I am in grade but now am I regretting it because I have been thinking of suicide all through this year and I probably would have given up on life if it weren't cause of them I am doing well in my studies involved with school and community but still think of ending my life What do you think should I have applied What do they think of me That I am week I mean I feel like I am meant to be grateful for even being here in Canada and not trying to kill myself There are people who have probably suffered more and longer than me, but they deal with life I feel like a wimp am I just too weak Have I really persevered I will be dead if not for the school I would have given up on life I am ending the school year on a bad note I have only been in this school for a year but have caused so much harm by telling them I was suicidal and taken to the hospital times Shouldn't I be better I have a lot of people who care about me, I see a psychologist but still feel suicidal The school has tried a lot for me and I should just stop being a baby and stop thinking about suicide I should concentrate on the present and not past I am weak I thought I was strong, but I am not Everyone has done all they can, but I still think of suicide up till now Some people do not even receive all this help I should be better right Have I really percivevrred Should I withdraw from this award because if I do win and get called on stage on graduation day It will be awkward and seem like I lied on my application because the people who really know me know how many times think of suicide even until the end of grade |
English | I am very angry and frustrated at myself Huge regrets and disappointments I might end up doing something I am smart talented and hardworking Yet I am a big failure when all my friends are now accomplished gt I graduated from engineering in Got a job as a software engineer and turned it down to startup on my own Did not go as expected However I did get some cashflow going when I tried something A bit complicated that too much and messed it up gt Then I got another opportunity to partner with a guy who was experienced I went to another city to startup with him Worked my ass off and established a base there but he did not work, and I ended up doing everything for next to nothing Walked away from that with nothing That company is now doing well B gt I came back to my home city One of my old customers offered me a contract and I almost got started working on it However in the last moment Something did not feel right Like If I took that up I would not be happy and missed out on that opportunity C gt If I had taken up any of those I would be making a lot of money and I would have also had the free time to try out other things Instead I am still struggling at with nothing to my name gt Did I mention that I had to drop my dreams as a very talented artist when I was young since my parents did not want to get into that Now the guy s who took that shit up are raking in money with animation film making camera guys visual effects' artist designers etc. gt I was one of the smart ones I feel like a complete failure I am ashamed of myself Not sure what to do please help If someone could just get on skype or something and talk to me, It would be great too btw I don't live in the US Any help would be appreciated I can't sleep since I am so angry at myself I might do something to myself |
English | I wish this was all Overte shitty easy way I am so not happy and I really wish this all was just done |
French | Je ne sais plus quoi faire, je ne sais plus rien. |
French | Je mérite cela Je mérite d'être déprimé et suicidaire Je suis une mauvaise personne J'ai entretenu des pensées odieuses J'ai été insensible et méchant avec les autres J'ai agi égoïstement de ma vie Et je ne peux pas vivre avec moi-même Je mérite de me sentir misérable et je l'ai mérité |
English | This is bullshit This entire existence is a fucking lie and I'm tired of eating what's being spoofed to me by the charlatans of modern society I'm tired of the lies the opinions the belief systems I hate the personalization and the focus on the individual as a subject against an oppressive objective external universe it s all a trick it's an illusion and I've had enough of it I want out I want to open my eyes but I feel that I can't until they're forced open until the bullet enters my brain And I really really want to wake up TMA |
English | I'm tired of feeling trapped I don't know where else to go with my issues I have no one in my life and I can't find a therapist anywhere There's nothing in my life I feel proud or happy about everything is consumed by anxiety sadness fear or desperation I don't feel like I have control over anything in my life I've been on the brink of either having a complete breakdown or disappearing for the longest time I was dumb enough to move across the country for a job that I'm ill prepared for know nothing about and have zero energy to go to every single day The prospect of doing this for the rest of my life fills me with so much dread anxiety and regret that I honestly spend most of my day thinking of horrible hypothetical scenarios that would allow me to quit and move back home Every day I m at work I m convinced I'm going to be fired or yelled at basic functions like calling or emailing people give me so much anxiety I feel like crying all the time I took me hours to make one phone call and I'm expected to make dozens No one likes me at work I work alone speak to no one hide in my corner office until my hours are filled and then go home Once home I'm so emotionally drained all I can do is take a shower cry and go to bed Repeat five days a week By the time the weekend arrives I'm in shambles and all I can do is sit stew and worry about the coming work week The anxiety starts building around PM on a Saturday and by Sunday night when I'm typing this I'm just ready to end it all But work is only one of my issues I have zero social ties no friends no family within miles zero social skills or abilities to speak of I know no one around me or have any hobbies I've lost all interest in things that I used to do to distract me from how alone I am I have no one to turn to when I'm sad or upset no one understands how I feel or who I really am Those that interact with me see a mask that I put up so they never see how hurt I actually am I've become so estranged from the world that basic social interactions terrify me they make me shake and feel sick I fear that I'm far too gone now to ever be a normal person again But what bothers me the most is that I've never been in love I was cursed with a big heart and no one to share it with Poor experiences and a broken soul have made me sad and distant from the world around me, I have so many dysfunctional core beliefs and neuroses about myself so many deeply rooted and cemented pieces of self-hate embedded in my soul that I will never find love I will be alone until I die I can't quit my job or move back home both would show the world that I am a failure and a loser I am trapped here meant to suffer in silence forever Nothing will change nothing will get better I can't quit my job or move back home because that will only solidify the fact that I am a loser and a failure There's no counselors accepting new patients and if they are they aren't available on weekends I honestly don't even know if they would help me anyway I don't know why I bother posting here nothing ever changes I just feel like I m out of options |
English | Yesterday I turned and I still wonder how I made it this far I was the only thing that held their marriage or some sort together Came to them today to have a family dinner tomorrow, and they do nothing but arguing between each other over stupid shit Guess they are so tired of each other they ain't even faking it Yesterday I had a birthday party with my friends Of course it was great but it was mainly an attempt for me to get some Dopamine through people I considered friends We live together, and I try to do shit that would bind me with them Simple stuff like cooking a bit doing common household chores around the kitchen and common places going to the drugstore when someone s sick or stuff But there's no feedback When I ask them something about where is something like a bag for cold food don't know how it's called a bag where you put frozen stuff when going to the grocery store no one batted an eye and helped me find it Asked someone by text to get me instant ramen in store and them Whoops sorry guess I forgot Same with my work I'm treated like an every man when almost everyone constantly forgets about shit I ask them to do and rely on I feel completely alone Not like alone but with no person I can rely on to My close ones make me sick Social interaction makes me sick My work makes me sick My constant struggle with my mental complications make me sick My corrupted country makes me sick The whole world makes me sick And now there's some weird Chinese virus which literally makes people sick I consider myself a pussy when it comes to the suicide But I already have two attempts Dunno when I'll get the impulse for a third one but I hope I would be lucky this time |
English | The light in my life has gone out feel so alone I can't tell anyone what happened Even if they believed me they wouldn't be able to do anything about it, I was literally one mile away from my apartment I was so close They ended up driving me to a hotel almost ten miles away I search everywhere for the video they took All day I search every title and website I can think of I'm sick with terror at the thought of finding it I'm so ashamed I shouldn't have told my boyfriend I shouldn't have burdened him with that I have so many regrets I could never live with this shame This guilt If only I knew how to ease this pain because I can hardly live with it anymore |
English | I had a bad downswing tonight started to come down from hypomania after I was called an asshole for giving earnest but blunt advice to a friend by someone else Then someone told me that when a psychologist is pushed to the limits of their understanding and suddenly their bullshit methods don't work any more they become angry and frustrated And apparently one of the most important ideation I had was bullshit I want to cry, but no tears will come out I feel Angst deep in my core I want to punch something I want to blow my brains out It feels like I've reached the end of my rope and I'm barely holding on It would be so easy to just let go |
English | I have a plan told my mom I have suicidal thoughts She didn't care I'm going to not eat until I faint IDK maybe she'll care then maybe not Too much of a pussy to actually kill myself anyway |
English | Feels personal poetry from a broken heart He stripped away my self-worth Layer by layer until even my bones held no trace of my personality I lost sight of the girl I used to be she was caged in my chest, and he swallowed the key as I stood there and watched The problem was that I wanted to be loved so badly that I couldn't tell that it wasn't love You taught me love was you draining me of my identity injecting self-doubt into my veins brainwashing me into thinking everything was my fault and that I was messed up You let me think love was questioning my own sanity walking around aimlessly Love to me was rubbing your heavy words off of my skin and making my mental state fall to the floor The taste of your love lingered in my heart and tore me apart I'd tell myself I can fix him but he has been rusted for too long and can no longer be fixed Don't be the lamb he sacrifices drinking your blood like water Don't be the martyr to his self-hate and loathing Don't save him by destroying yourself Don't let him apologize over and over again like that same old song |
French | Est-ce que quelqu'un peut me parler aussi J'ai envie de me tuer et j'écoute de la musique, donc je ne fais pas vraiment autre chose que de penser au suicide EDIT NVM Je vais juste aller me tuer |
English | I've got everything I need, so I don't know what's holding me back ve completely lost hope in everything and in things getting better I don't even know why I stick around any more Especially since every day has become a struggle to go on I have the means and I want to go through with it so badly Yet I guess that fear or cowardice is holding me back It shouldn't though since I can finally have the sweet release of death I so crave |
English | Can any of you actually think of a negative side effect if I commit suicide no family and friends stuff please haven't had either for a long time plus i d be an unfeeling corpse, so mom can cry all she wants I just don't see what the big deal is truly i m not just trying to be dark or edgy why does everyone assume people think that this stuff makes them cool when this stuff is only ever mentioned in a context of they must think they are so cool what exactly makes me matter good people of all ages contract horrible diseases they have their life and potential ripped from them but I isolate myself from society I add nothing and have killed all potential or opportunity I have please don't immediately rebuke this you don't know me the mistakes i ve made or how well I function in the world also please don't be offended by my wording and stuff i ve been observing and a lot of you seem to get mad when your attempt at help is responded too bluntly which it will be and I hope that's okay |
English | Once upon a time There was once a boy who was never frowning He always laughed He was always the one who made jokes But when he got home he would lay in his bed and immediately begin crying For a while he didn't know why all he knew was that he had to After a while he realized it wasn't consistent Not the crying but the reason Most days it would be the sheer pain he held inside him from others But other days he was just tired of holding a fake smile all day He could laugh and joke during the day but he was broken, and he knew it He began seeing himself differently He saw himself as a monster He decided he wanted the monster to go away He was still there in school but it wasn't the same boy Nobody saw the signs Nobody read between the lines The boy was in so much pain it followed him wherever he went He no longer wanted to laugh or smile He didn't even want to exist One day another girl asked him If you had one wish what would it be His first thought was to die in his sleep that night He began to cry while typing out the letters I D K Very soon after this he began to physically feel as though there was a hole in him Like he was so broken on the inside that he could feel it Of course it was in his head One day he accidentally dropped a glass, and it shattered His first thought was to grab one to save for later So he grabbed it and his mom told him to go back to his room so he doesn't step on glass as she picked it up for him, He glanced back at her and said thank you and sorry Once he got back to his room he stared at the shard of glass in fear of what he could do with it No less than five minutes later he began to cut his wrists so that the physical pain would overcome the mental pain It felt good But all of a sudden the pain and guilt slipped back in He realized that he cut himself his own skin He saw the power that he had over his life He decided to stop cutting But the next day the pain was so bad that he begged himself for the moment the physical pain set in He began to cut again One day before school the pain came in a large wave He knew if he spoke to anyone he would burst out crying He thought of the embarrassment that would come with it So he remained silent That's what he did Do you know what hurt even more than the initial pain He got about three people who asked Are you okay With a single Yes I'm fine they walked away All he wanted was for someone to stay To care To want to sit next to him So he began joining calls after school after he finished crying They asked him how he was That made him happy Just those few words kept him going That boy to this day lives for the people around him Not for himself but for his mother father and people around him, He wants to fade away terribly I want to fade away terribly I live for the people around me, I don't know how much more I can take Please pay attention to the details and care about everyone |
English | Earlier today I was told I wouldn't care if you went and killed yourself I just really feel like shit even as I m outraged at how heartless my boyfriends mother is She's the one who told me that But on the bright side I found out why she s been so hateful towards me for the last years I could use a distraction from the direction my mind is heading so if anyone want to talk about anything I'm open for that |
English | Bedridden with ideation Anyone on RuneScape to play and talk things through distract each other I've been suicidal for a long time usually ideation I've finally took the courage to call a crisis hot line and after calls I've found they are just too scripted to be of help They're probably suicidal too So I've taken back to Vid games to distract me Vid games help distract the thoughts and I just recently got back into RuneScape I d love to have someone to play and chat with on there I'm free to play servers Maybe make a few good online friends this way like I did back in the day I know these are coping mechanisms but I'm trying And I'm also here to listen to you empathetically because obviously if you re going to respond with a username or so you're not in the best place either Looking forward to helping each other through video games and active listening |
English | Pt when they call me nigger hi I'm broke and crazy so I'm running down your streets about to be another nigga statistic does the United States love dead niggas I'll be your next one Please I have no friends I have no money I have no family they degraded me fuck everything |
French | J'ai besoin d'aide, mais je ne sais plus où à Doha les gars Je suis évidemment régulier Redditor bien que je ne sais pas si je devrais poster ce ici, mais j'ai besoin de conseils Je suis un homme avec une histoire de dépression et d'automutilation Je suis sur Citalopram Fluoxetine et plus récemment Sertraline aucun de ceux-ci n'ont travaillé pour moi, je n'ai régulièrement aucune pensée de me tuer comme le monde dans son ensemble |
English | M I feel my life coming to an end I miss her I want my life back This year my mental health took a turn for it's worse I'm a university student who realized I needed to drop the current major I was studying to peruse something I could realistically study and perform well in I was that A student in high school but all of that changed when I went to college I lost my mothers' approval with the slip of my grades She blames me for her unhappiness and tells me a dog would likely be a better son than I This past semester I lost my girlfriend of three years to my roommate I admit I was a mess this past semester My living situation was not well, and I was drowning in my anxiety and depression She didn't want me anymore I was likely dead weight I started popping Xanax to calm myself down when I would have these waves of anxiety and eventually suffered a seizure from my decision to do so Once my parents learned it was from illicit drug use I became mentally disowned as their child I've spent the greater portion of this summer in rehab and I've now learned that I will not have any support from my parents to return to school I've tried applying for my student loan but get told I must have a consigned to be approved I have no one to cosign for me My home environment is deathly toxic I can't live where I m given the constant look of failure and disappointment I miss my old girlfriend so much I wish she never left me She was my anchor and the reason why I kept pushing through life even when I had to be home during breaks I just want my life back I want to go back to campus and get my life together and be strong, yet I can't, and it tears me down Being in an emotional prison at home and living under this verbal abuse makes me wish and yearn for a revolver and a bullet to play Russian Roulette every night I come home from work My heritage is from India Mental health is very taboo in my culture I haven't had my correct dosage of Prozac in over two weeks I have no support at home to really get the help I need, I just want to live a happy life I miss my old girlfriend After all of this I still can't seem to get her out of my dreams and it s been months This post was so disorganized but for my life sake I had to say something and anything to stay alive tonight I'm fucking sick of this melodrama I want to be normal No one fucking likes a person who sits and sulks in his or her woes No one likes a person playing a victim role I wish I could be surrounded by people who really supported me I wish I still had my girlfriend I love her so much If you read this thanks a lot I'm happy someone could hear my voice Tldr I want to die but I'm too much of a pussy to do it because I think my life will get better but it's spiraling into more chaos and madness |
French | Je ne peux pas attendre le jour où je peux prendre ma vie m fatigué de vivre je suis fatigué de me réveiller jour après jour avec tout le fardeau du monde sur mes épaules je suis vivant juste pour prendre soin de ma mère et ma fille mais quand ma mère meurt et ma fille est tout l'âge je vais dire au revoir à ce monde je vais avoir la force de tenir sur ici juste pour m'assurer que ma fille ne peut pas prendre soin d'elle et ma mère n'est pas seule parce qu'elle |
English | And ready to go I'm so tired of this all Every single day I am laughed at in the streets put down by my peers and I just feel invisible I feel meaningless Just today I overheard some girls talking about how I look anorexic I'm a really skinny guy I've tried to fix myself I've literally begged my parents to let me lift weights and gain confidence, but they believe that it will damage my bones and growth Even my brother who is a fitness geek has told them not to let me lift or do anything of the sort I'm stuck and there's only one way out I'm tired of being the short only foot skinny invisible ugly guy, but I just know there's really no way out This is really my last try If anyone has anything any genuine advice to give me then please just let me know And just for reference I resorted to plastic surgery after years of teasing a few years back The only thing that s changed is they just focus on every other flaw now |
English | I really should just disappeared nothing but a curse and i shouldn't even be around anymore nobody loves me anymore and no one well and I should just fucking do it I mean It's pretty funny right I'm sure they'll be happy and even laughing once am dead I guess my death is a gift after dealing with a curse me pretty sure my mom even is going to be happy with my death so let alone them I can't even imagine how much happiness they'd feel and how much burden would be gone once I do it lol I really am a fuck-up and there is no fucking way for me to ever be good I'm never going to be good enough it's better that I just do it lol I mean literally what am I waiting for my dad s sleeping in the living room and my mom and siblings aren't even here this is perfect timing what am I waiting for lol |
English | I don't have an interesting title I want start saying this isn't a suicide letter and even writing this was a big effort because somehow I needed to put it out although I believe it's an irrelevant effort I am in one point of this life where I don't feel empathy or love for other people any more I got so tired of being sad all the time that I started to not feeling anything at all I am lost and alone in a way I cannot talk about this to anyone And to be honest I don't believe it helps anymore either so why are you writing this here Perhaps deep down I believe there is someone somewhere who understands For me life lost its own fire But I am not here to say I am going to end my life It is not up to me, I don't believe suicide at least not any more Long story short I went through an experience that made me realize suicide it's irrelevant for us as we are And it is not a relief as most people may think So it can be a relief we would need to remember what previously happened and it won't happen Memory is the key to relief and riddance and we can only reach this in life Most of us grow up believing life will get better and we'll get our happily ever after and everything will be fine But it won't Life only becomes bitter and harder And I felt bad because everything I have been working for it's falling apart Everything build upon lies cannot stand for long And now a huge apathy lies over me The problematic around what I want to say is we spend too much energy trying to be happy when happiness isn't and never will be a constant And it's frustrating to the point where I don't want to live any more I don't want to live any more bc I see no point in living a life without being happy but in the other hand I realize death for us as we are is irrelevant and isn't the end as life isn't about happiness or sadness it's about experience And there ladies and gentlemen the thought goes full circle Only because we are trained to chase happiness My life has become a living hell for realize that even the most despicable event it's a valid life experience for our soul If you read till this point thank you for your time I could talk hours about this and I am sorry if their s incoherence here Many people may call me crazy so I don't talk about this very much I am trying to sink in everything and find a way to live with this To end my life is not up to me Even with the heavy apathy I will stay around to see where it goes |
French | Je ne peux pas dormir et la nourriture a perdu son goût Dieu J'en ai tellement marre de cet endroit Si fatigué de montrer l'amour si profond Que la plupart ne sont même pas disposés à se sentir Voir ce que j'ai vu Ouvrez vos yeux et reconnaître que c'est réel Cette saison apporte l'obscurité si profonde Je suis perdu et ne peut pas sembler être trouvé |
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English | Life is just a distraction The past few months for me have been difficult Life has been stressful I'm not taking care of myself any more everything feels pointless I don't want to try to exaggerate my feelings as I know how much more others have gone through So these last few months have been filled with not so good thoughts Thoughts that I never shared to anyone so as not to be a burden In an attempt to distract myself I tried listening to music nonstop singing drawing reading drowning myself in schoolwork Anything and everything to keep myself busy and my mind occupied just so those God damn thoughts won't creep back into my head though they always find a way Just in my experience life is a distraction |
English | Has anyone here had the virus and come close to dying I recently realized I don't need to be afraid of the coronavirus any more I can literally go anywhere I want to do whatever I want etc. and not worry Who cares if you get the virus if you don't want to be alive anymore My only issue is that I don't want to contract the virus and live if I get it Does anyone here know their stuff when it comes to the virus How do you maximize potentiality of death if it's contracted Thanks |
French | Mon ami s ami s'est pendu petit ami vient de me laisser ne se sentent pas trop bien lundi dernier mon ami s meilleur ami s'est pendu Je ne peux pas sembler la sortir de mon esprit Le processus de la mort est effrayant, mais le résultat est attrayant Modifier Je lis SW pendant quelques mois Vous êtes de bonnes personnes même si vos efforts ne fonctionnent pas toujours Merci |
French | Toute personne vivant à Kirkintilloch, je peux payer pour me tuer Clairement, je suis incapable de le faire moi-même Où que ce soit à Kirk est bien et je me fiche de la façon dont vous le faites Tout ce dont je me soucie est de le finir Nommez votre prix Ne vous embêtez pas à essayer de me parler de faire cela, il ne va pas fonctionner S'il y avait une chance de moi mener une vie normale, je ne ferais pas un poste comme celui-ci. |
French | Joy je ne peux pas sembler ressentir autre chose que la peur et l'angoisse plus je ne pense pas que je vais me tuer quelque chose pas tout à fait encore mais j'ai diverti l'idée trop souvent je souffre de BPD et assez extrême hypocondrie Chaque petite chose qui se passe dans mon corps envoie des frissons dans ma colonne vertébrale que j'ai utilisé écrire et jouer de la musique tout le temps, mais je ne peux même pas me sentir comme je vais |
English | Should I even bother trying Hello I've been a MEET for seven years now basically being a trash human being by mooching of my mother The things that led to my current state are for one a crippling addiction to video games and close friends of mine dying by either suicide or overdosing on drugs For a few weeks now I've been trying to get my shit together and sending out my CV and going to job applications As you can imagine I only get rejected I know that I might get a job if I just keep on pressing forward but I think I might just take the easy way out |
French | J'ai peur de l'obtention du diplôme d'études collégiales est juste au coin de la rue Pourtant, je crains l'obtention du diplôme parce que je n'ai toujours pas verrouillé un emploi d'ingénieur J'ai grandi dans une petite ville qui n'a pas une tonne d'opportunités et donc il serait difficile de réseauter ou de se faire de nouveaux amis qui pourraient m'aider à décrocher un emploi. |
English | This was the first Christmas that I actually felt there was a chance that I wouldn't be here next year I am seeing a councilor and will tell him this in my next meeting I apologize for the weird awkward disclaimer I didn't want people to freak out from reading the title alone In addition to this I know the post is late I apologize for that I procrastinated a bit with writing my thoughts down But they have been recurring the past few nights so I thought I'd share them here I m and this was the first Christmas that I had a job so having felt guilty in the past for only having gotten gifts and only being able to tack my name onto the gifts that my mom gave out I went all out with gift buying this year I planned a few of the gifts many months in advance and I'm already planning some for next year If I make it to then that is and if I don't then maybe I can leave something behind For the most part I think I should make it to next year but the possibility that I might not is starting to weigh down on my mind It's solidifying for me as I find more reasons than ever to hate myself and my thoughts get worse and I practically start chanting silent death threats to myself Holy fuck rereading that that sounded super fucking melodramatic it's not exactly a lie it's just super awkward for me to read Once again I'm seeing a counselor although I don't know how comfortable I am telling him that last bit I made sure to get everyone multiple gifts for Christmas this year I spent a lot of time picking them out and even got dog treats for my roommates dogs In addition to all of this I thought it would be too cheap and easy to buy Christmas cards, so I grabbed some crafting supplies from Michael s and decided to make some They didn't turn out half bad and only one of them really looked like a kindergartener s art project lol XD I spent a lot of time planning what to write and one in particular I had actually written some time over the summer and just transferred the note onto the newly made card I made sure to tell people that I love them and wrote what I really thought about them and how much they meant to me, I didn't have any motives when writing these cards I just wanted to thank people for Christmases past and everything they've done for me so far The best part of Christmas Day was that everyone genuinely liked they re gifts and cards and were actually excited about them that made the rest of my day just feel great That night however I was laying in bed and realized that A I might not be here next year and B What I wrote on the cards is a pretty good thing for me to leave behind if I do It s something they can hold onto if they want and know how I really feel about them That I love them all and appreciate them If I do die I want them to know that I don't want them to think that I blame them at all I blame myself if anyone and I think that these cards express that not necessarily perfectly but adequately I always hear people talk about how on certain days such as their birthday they're surprised that they made it another year or in extreme cases another month week or day And while it isn't the exact same feeling it's relatively new to actually feel like I might not make it another year so this thought and moment kind of stood out to me, I apologize I didn't write this all down perfectly and I don't know what I hope to achieve by posting it here It's just some things that have been on my mind and wanted get out I guess Thank you for listening reading I guess I hope is a positive year for you all TL;DR I AM Talking TO A COUNSELOR I can't stress that enough And over Christmas I realized that there's an actual chance that I might not be around to see the next one but if that's the case I left something pretty good behind |
English | On the grand scheme is death I m nothing have continually lost everyone in my life since I was My dad left me my mom died my grandpa died my best friend s dad was killed in a car wreck I was supposed to be in he took me in after my family died Friends leave My bf just broke up with me out of the blue And I am over mourning people I can keep going and building relationships but I'm so over the constant mourning of people I took my dog back to the ex s house because she's stressed thanks to the front house having a giant dog that shares the yard She's the only reason I was holding out last night while those thoughts of suicide danced in my head Please don't say this is selfish I've experienced death on a grand scale and my death compared to that is minuscule I'm ready to go I just can't get past my damn fear of dying I've taken pills and I'm currently drinking but I'm worried about seeing fucking Trump go to prison WTF I guess this is my first practice run |
English | I'm not going to kill myself today cause that's not what she would want My mama grandma was everything to me when she died I fell apart I was going to kill myself to day at her grave cause it's the day she died Jan I'm really broken but I m going to try for her, She wanted me to have a good life, so I m do it I miss her so much |
French | J'ai manqué mes propres signes avant-coureurs Je n'ai pas remarqué la première fois que je suis tombé dans la dépression Je me connais et mes comportements, mais j'ai tout assemblé jusqu'à ce que je sois au fond de la fosse et que je me noie J'ai l'impression que mes propres sentiments sont faux parce qu'ils n'ont pas de sens et je ne sais pas quoi faire |
English | If I can't live to my aspirations I don't want to exist simply to exist If I can't even get the first basic steps to make the changes I'd like in the world how can I truly live know I failed at such high aspirations A good job and good money make me want to end it I've seen way to many sucked into it thinking they'll eventually get to their dream I try so hard just to start is off it seems so simple written down I've dealt with the reality before but every obstacle I beat and break down another appears and I don't believe I can do it anymore If I can't do it then what's the point I can't live simply to continue living knowing what I could have accomplished what benefit I could have created The only thing stopping me right now from slamming my car at MPG into a concrete barrier is the idea that I could somehow survive a cripple I crave and fear that easy solution to kill myself if these was a pill I could take I would take it If I had a gun and a bullet I would have died long ago |
English | Botched eyelid surgery unable to close my eyes Botched eyelid surgery months ago unable to close my eyes fully Can't sleep can't relax Every time I blink I feel pain It's like relentless torture Sought several different opinions from other doctors they don't take me seriously only suggest eye drops as if I haven't already Sigh I don't want to live like this anymore |
French | J'ai fait un sous-marin pour les personnes à la recherche d'un copain Internet pour vérifier sur eux de temps en temps Suicide Watch partiellement inspiré le sous-marin Je vous présente avec My Buddy HTTPS WWW Reddit com r My Buddy Trouver un Buddy aucune pression aucun engagement juste quelqu'un à vous dire bonjour de temps en temps |
English | No hope for the future Everything is bleak and empty and nothing don't know what to do I'm failing high school I can barely handle regular high school and app classes I'm useless I love writing and reading, and yet I haven't been able to write for years I'm so done I'm so done The emptiness inside me is growing My grandpa got in a car accident and he's old as fuck I see him in the hospital I see the pain he's going through I see the others patent I can't take it anymore Everyone around me is fucking miserable My mother is just like me My dad doesn't give a shit, but he does care in some little ways My brother is autistic and has no guidance I look around me and all I see is pain I wake up in the morning and it's all I feel I can't fucking do this anymore Some people can transform their pain into art Like music drawings etc. I can't do this any more I can't do this any more I wanted to do so many fucking things I'm lonely as fuck I want a boyfriend I want someone to talk to other than my mother I just cent This is going to get lost in the midst of so many other worthy more interesting posts I'm nothing |
English | My note To everyone that I am leaving behind I'm sorry Mama and papa I love you please don't blame yourselves redacted I know I promised I wouldn't die that I wouldn't kill myself, but please try to understand the pain I feel I apologize to all those I have hurt but I know you are all stronger than me and I know you can make it through this Every day for the past year has been painful I can't remember a single day that I haven't failed somehow My entire life is a series of failures and mistakes every day the same mistakes the same failures Over and over I've tried to make friends I've tried to open up only to end up hurting myself more This isn't a life I can live I've tried so hard to put up with it But as I look forward I see nothing The only end to the pain I see is death Don't get me wrong this isn't easy I love you mama papa redacted redacted redacted Be stronger than I was |
French | J'ai appris à ne pas en parler chaque fois que j'ai essayé de parler à un ami d'être suicidaire, ils m'ont signalé à l'école, donc je ne peux pas faire confiance à quelqu'un dans la vraie vie assez pour leur parler, je me sens tellement seul et je ne sais pas quoi faire en ligne ne suffit pas |
French | Je vais me donner un mois de dépression depuis que j'ai des années Et jusqu'à présent, ça n'a fait qu'empirer, je ne peux même plus ressentir que de la douleur ou de l'engourdissement Après un mois, je vais décider si je suis mort ou non, je n'arrêtais pas de me dire que ça irait mieux pendant plus d'une décennie et les choses n'ont fait qu'empirer S'il vous plaît ne me dites que ça ira mieux |
French | null |
English | My best friend shot himself weeks ago Killing yourself is a permanent solution to a temporary problem Literally everyone in his life feels guilt for not talking to him enough beforehand and not seeing the signs Please talk to someone you love and make it very clear how serious you are Emotions and brain chemistry are two very powerful things There are ways to harness them without ending them I promise This holiday season please reach out You'd be a lot more surprised than you think to find out how much your family and friends love you and miss you |
French | S'il vous plaît helpmates WWW Reddit com r adolescents commentaires chéloïde Je pense que j'ai atteint mon point de basculement UTM source partager amp UTM moyen iOS app amp UTM nom lui-même ce n'est pas mon poste, mais je veux lui obtenir de l'aide |
French | Envisageant sérieusement de mettre fin à ma vie misérable, je vis dans un pays de merde, je suis un enfant d'une mère célibataire vivant avec ma grand-mère et ma sœur aînée, je suis une femme d'un an à l'université, mais la partie la plus importante à mon sujet, c'est que je suis un échec, mes notes sont moyennes, au mieux, je n'ai pas de travail. |
French | Il a été des mois après la pilule et ma bite encore une sorte de sperme faible engourdi un peu de douleur orgasmes je me sens peut-être pourrait être mieux ils sont à des moments et dans l'ensemble personne baise m'a averti de ces effets encore moins ils pourraient s'attarder après l'arrêt Société et l'humanité a échoué moi et beaucoup je ne me soucie pas si cette merde aide des millions si je suis malade |
English | I can't speak Ever since I was a child I've had a stutter Not a mild one think of the Kings Speech that one hits closer to home I spent my school life listening to everyone chat laugh sing whisper but could never do it myself I would sit in the classroom at my allocated spot at the table hearing questions being thrown out to the room which I knew the answer to and beyond all other wanting at that moment all I craved was to raise my hand and answer it like a normal school boy would I just couldn't Instead I would sit there within my impenetrable silent bubble I'd found myself in and daydream of a future where I would become an adult and have a happy life my stutter non-existent Ten years later I'm an adult with a mediocre job with some great friends of whom I'm very lucky to have My family friends and colleagues all know of my affliction but as they do not have one themselves all they see is someone with a mundane speech impediment who needs a little longer to get his words out They and I assume most people who can speak fluently and articulatory without hindrance don't understand or realize the mental and emotional turmoil it can create In this day and age everything is based around communication Want to apply for a job Sit down for an hour in front of two people and answer questions on you why you want to spend your free precious time filling up the cheeses on aisle six for pennies Need cancel a subscription Buy a house doctor's appointment Give them a ring only to have them hang up when they think that nobody is there because you can't say a simple Hello Or perhaps you want to go to the shops to buy a new coffee machine when the nice lady walks up to you and asks you if you need any help today completely unaware of the battle which is raging deep down inside of you Struggling to breathe facial contortions color shifting from milky white to beetroot red Being so aware of every millisecond that passes and just before the words come out finally you realize that she is looking at your funny with a hint of fear It's degrading Humiliating Emasculating Knowing that I am of sound mind just trying to get by with life but whenever I need to speak to someone they think something is wrong in my head and avoid me I go from the friendly looking chap standing by the toasters to someone they regret walking over to because I am not acting normal And worse of all The hardest thing for me to say is stutter So I can't even tell people what's going on so they never realize Every waking hour of my life is dedicated to my stutter It's always there looming behind every choice I make It's an invisible disease eating away at confidence from the inside out until a shallow husk remains filled only with anxiety with lost dreams and opportunities If this is to be my life then it is not worth living Watching peers around you progress and move up to a better life when I can't even make a phone call without being hung up on Suicide has always been in a different reality to me Seemed too far away or unrealistic to see it properly However as time goes on I can only see a very bleak future for me in this life I don't think it will be very long now until I take the plunge |
French | J'ai besoin de quelqu'un à qui parler pour me sentir sur le point de sortir et de finir tout ce que je n'ai absolument personne à qui parler et je me sens complètement seul au fond de moi, je sais que je ne veux pas le faire, mais j'ai aussi l'impression qu'il n'y a pas d'autre moyen pour le moment, je veux juste parler à quelqu'un que je me sens complètement isolé socialement. |
English | Girlfriend of years who helped me through several periods of depression just dumped me work in the office Monday to Friday and usually I would be excited for Friday to come so I could spend more time with her during the weekends I can say she's almost the only reason I still feel excited in life Now she's gone and I feel so lost and empty |
English | I'm taking this bullshit of my life into my own hands this is fucking it right fucking now this bullshit is going to end right fucking now I m done I m done I m done I m done this is fucking it I was fucking molested in first grade, and It was a teacher who fucking I did it he did it for years I told the teachers counselors the princeable everybody didn't do a thing the teacher who molested me threatened me if I told he would kill me and I told the police and they didn't do a thing and it didn't stop now I'm older I can take on this pedophile I skateboard a lot it's the only thing I'm good at I want to find where this bitch is and bring a knife and kill him right on the spot maybe gouge his eyes out first then slit his through like stab him in the neck when I run into him because I live in a small town and after that run off and commit suicide it won't matter anyway I get treated like shit were ever I go at school people call me names I can't talk to people without getting stress because I try to communicate with people and I get called pervert rarest pedophile which I'm called that because I m different and then It reminds me of what happened I'm a nice guy I have no friends at all everybody hates me I've never known what It's like to have friends I was drumming at a church then they dropped me from playing there for some shitty drummer my age because the churches' music directors daughter wanted to play I can't talk to girls at all without a big chance of them trying to kick me in the balls and the teachers won't do a thing about it all sorry if anything didn't make any sense at all I m done this is it this pain is going to be over soon I hope because every minute of this bull shit and is painful I have extreme stress amounts for doing the smallest social things, and it tires me I haven't been active in month I Berry eat |
English | No matter much I distract myself suicide seems to be the only answer No matter how much I occupy my time driving studying walking outside watching a TV show YouTube etc. everything just leads back to suicide It's like my brain is wired to think that dying is the only ultimate way to end the pain and be free from suffering It's like something I keep avoiding because I somehow convince myself that I actually should hold on But in fact it's only hurting me more by lying to myself It's masochistic to me to force myself to keep living Even when I read the Bible and pray I become suicidal again soon after I finish I was looking forward to getting a dog after my parents said I could, but they crushed my hopes again when they said it was too expensive I should have known good things don't happen in my life They're heartless bastards Not being able to have a dog is seemingly making me more suicidal which is weird because I didn't expect a dog to cheer me up I'm thinking whether I should experiment cutting my wrist more to entertain myself I know it s fucked up but the pain distracts me more than forms of entertainment like TV shows or YouTube |
French | Je ne sais pas pourquoi je poste ce message Je pense que je veux juste que quelqu'un me tende la main C'est la troisième ou quatrième nuit d'affilée que j'ai pris pas mal de médicaments Si je l'ajoute ce soir, je me sens mal, j'ai pensé à la nuit Je pense aux États-Unis et je ne sais pas trop ce que je sais, je ne sais pas ce que j'ai des doses. |
English | Going to kill myself on my birthday m now I m going to kill myself on my the birthday to show how much I wish I never existed I was never going to amount to anything I was never going to do anything good for society or humanity or my country or my friends or my family I don't want to do anything good for anyone I don't want to fall in love and have a family and grow old and have a job If I can't get high I'd rather die I can't live the rest of my life sober I'd rather be feet under than live another few months sober or the rest of my life I could never deal with my emotions and I could never deal with life I blame my parents for my addiction I blame them for not being good enough and for being abusive when I was younger years of that is not something I forget If there is a Higher Power I pray that I die this time I don't want to ever wake up again |
French | Chaque jour qui passe donne plus de raisons d'y mettre fin La chose qui me tue le plus est que pas une seule personne en dehors des ivrognes avec lesquels je vis ne remarquerait que j'étais parti Pas depuis des semaines peut-être des mois Peut dire en fait que personne ne s'en soucierait vraiment |
French | Je ne suis rien quand je suis seul Je ne suis rien quand je suis seul Je ne suis rien quand je suis seul Je ne suis rien quand je suis seul Je suis seul Je suis seul Je suis seul Je suis seul Je suis seul Je suis seul Je suis seul Je suis seul Je suis seul Je suis seul Je suis seul Je suis seul Je suis seul Je suis seul Je suis seul Je suis seul Je suis seul Je suis seul Je suis seul Je suis seul Je suis seul Je suis seul Je suis seul |
French | Pour la première fois que je contemple le suicide, je ne sais pas vraiment quoi écrire autre que le fait que pour la première fois dans mes années, je suis en train de contempler le suicide, je suis malheureux depuis un moment, depuis le début, je suis sur une longue spirale descendante et je perds la foi que je me sentirai jamais mieux dans ma vie, je ne suis pas prêt à travailler des heures par semaine pour ne pas avoir assez d'argent. |
French | J'ai besoin de quelqu'un à qui parler Je suis maintenant et je n'arrive toujours pas à dormir J'ai juste pleuré toute la nuit avec des pensées suicidaires qui sont pires que d'habitude Je me sens complètement désespéré Le traitement que je reçois pour ma dépression et mon anxiété ne semble pas fonctionner, et je ne sais vraiment pas quoi faire de pire Je veux baiser mais en même temps je suis trop effrayé pour faire quoi que ce soit Je suis terrifié |
English | Trying to understand Recently the consequences of cyberbullying have been shoved at me again That's my biggest problem the word again It's not a one off it's not a problem that's diminished obviously And it's an evolution of a problem that I faced most of my life Now I was lucky I had the ability and mentality to fight back Every fight I've been in I made them regret coming after me But that was all face to face Jerks would start trouble on messenger but I'd see them the next day at school I could look them in the eyes within hours of them trolling Today is a different day Coward bullies can hide behind screens and spit their venom half a world away I WISH these cowards or as we call them now trolls would dare step up in person again It's not cool or funny or incidental A connected world means you're not anonymous any more your words and actions have always had consequences they now just reach further So Trolls are you proud Are you happy that people are quitting because of your words That you are Literally responsible for their deaths To the victims remember these are Cowards attacking you People that don't have the slightest clue as to what you face people that have to spit their venom before it eats them inside people that have to make you lower to raise their standings Don't let them Don't let anyone rise above you unless they're working as hard as you And since no one else can walk your path they'll never know the work you put in to live Stand up call them out and if they won't face you they're not worth a second of thought Don't let anyone stop you from being the best You Never give up never surrender scream against the universe if you have to But remember if you weren't needed you wouldn't be alive now |
French | Putain, je ne veux plus me blesser, je veux juste mourir, les choses sont arrivées au point pour moi où j'ai l'habitude de vouloir désespérément attraper un objet pointu et me poignarder ou me couper ou même utiliser un couteau comme méthode de suicide, je m'assois là et je sens ce poids écrasant et tout devient noir et je ferme les yeux et je veux juste mourir, je veux juste être mort. |
English | I'm running away next week and ending it Not asking for sympathy or any of that BS I've thought of this for years now and have finally come to the conclusion my situation is never going to improve I m and I've got everything booked I'll be travelling hours away from home and then probably jumping off a bridge somewhere and then an OD if I'm too pussy to jump I just can't do it anymore and so it feels so freeing to know that everyday I wake up I'm one day closer to not being here anymore just having free rein with no consequences because I'm not going to have to face up to them in days time The knowledge of knowing I can exit this world whenever I please and just run away from my problems is more freeing than therapy and pills have ever been See y'all on the other side stay happy |
French | Hard Life Connard Gens t est putain de vrai que ces bâtards qui rend plus difficile pour nous |
English | I just want to erase my emotions and end it all hate my emotions and my self I just want to sleep and never wake up I'm useless I got no purpose In my life I'm already failing school and I probably won't get a degree in college because I can't pay attention and my brother is better than me he got great friends he is not toxic like me and he more care about then me he got more interesting stories to tell us about how good at a lot of stuff and I don't got anything to tell because I'm sure my parents would not understand what I know And I'm sure I'm going to live in the streets because I'm probably going to fail ever driving test, and I am bad at counting money while brother is going to have a better life than me and I suppress my emotions because I know if I tell my parents how I feel rather they say that I'm being ungrateful or that I'm just sad or there just going to forget it like it normal so I don't cry and I fake my emotions in public cause that the only good thing I am good at |
English | Does someone wanna talk It's been hard trying to find a reason not to kill myself I don't know how to feel happy and I'm losing the battle I have in my head I can't even tell my parents because the just say its stupid |
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English | Bored and apathetic I really don't know where to start here I m years old in weeks and just moved in to college I've been really depressed for many years I've never been very social never had anyone I was really close to for very long My parents are divorced I'm not very close to either of them Mom and I always fight Dad cheated on her and beat me and my brother only a few times tho I'm also gay I've never had any vision of what I wanted my life to be outside high school and I still don't I don't care about studying or what my major is To me life is inherently pointless You're born you live you die Whatever career you pick doesn't matter and whatever joy you derive from those you surround yourself with is fleeting It's like I want to meet and interact with other people, but I realize whenever I try that it really doesn't matter I have nothing of interest to say, and I don't really care what anyone else has to say I've just been so bored and apathetic for a long time I can remember lying in bed when I was like thinking how much better my parent s lives would be if I had never existed I've been thinking of suicide for a long time but have never gathered the courage to go through with anything because knowing me I'd probably fuck up any suicide attempt I'd ever make I know everyone here is just going to give me the usual you have so much to live for it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem shit I've heard all that before and it doesn't mean anything to me, I don't value money success material goods or companionship, so the rewards of this world mean nothing to me and the whole appeal of suicide is its permanence Saying that killing yourself is something that can't be undone is like telling a sex addict that girls have tits Kind of counterproductive to what you were going for I think Can anyone give me any reason to go on because I just don't care about anything or anyone including myself |
English | New Year's Countdown to Death First time posting and I don't mean to ride the pity train too hard I was told having friends would help me feel good inside but it was just a band-aid on a shotgun wound It made me feel like an outsider looking into the lives of people who are happy have futures and experiment with love It made me realize that I literally have nothing and they're too busy in their lives to even begin to worry about mine Wouldn't want to give them this baggage anyway This year I'm scrapping all the New Years plans and driving to the Rockies with a gun I'm going to find a pretty river and kill myself It would be quite the contrast from the year prior and worst case Ontario I pussy out and get to have a decent view while accepting my self worthlessness Either way let s hope there's no afterlife because I sure as fuck can't take an eternity of this |
French | La mort La mort est le néant Vous ne pouvez même pas sentir l'air Vous n'avez pas d'air La lumière passe à travers vous, Vous n'avez jamais eu une entité solide Vous avez été un ordinateur programmé et tué par la nature Vos pensées Les dysfonctionnements n'ont plus d'importance Vous étiez un ordinateur, et maintenant vous n'êtes plus jamais vous avez jamais eu une identité Personne n'a jamais eu une identité |
English | My friend died Yesterday my friend died We met through strange circumstances but what connected us was that we both had mental illnesses that made suicide a deep issue But she she was so much stronger than me While I flailed and cried and begged to just end it she was fierce and strong and witty and tough She was loud so very loud and had so much energy When she walked in the room you took notice When she talked you shut up When she laughed it echoed off the walls She was the embodiment of getting better And two days ago she attempted suicide Yesterday she died I'm not suicidal But I'm lost and afraid and hurting If this woman who stood up to her illness and told it where to go and what to do when it got there if she couldn't resist the pain in the end how could I ever hope to So I'm wondering how do we push forward when the toughest among us failed |
French | Je veux juste mourir, je ne vaux rien, je n'ajoute rien à ce monde, je suis juste une merde, je veux juste me reposer, je ne veux pas que cette putain de voix crie dans ma tête, je ne sais pas où aller, je pense que j'ai des amis, mais ils me détestent, je pense que j'ai de la famille, mais ils souhaitent que je ne brûle jamais, je peux perdre l'amour de ma vie, et elle me déteste. |
English | I can't kill myself Where I am its safe no one sees me Every time I decide this is my last cigarette and I will do it I put the rope around my neck and I hang myself for a few seconds then I climb back shaking And I try to distract myself I am scared of dying I dropped school times I am unemployed I lost my only friend At the therapist I was crying so much that I couldn't talk and when I did, it was about worthless stuff I felt even worse after I saw him I have been depressed for years I tried to get help I attempted kill myself but with pills it don't work it was only the most physically painful night in my life And nothing changed |
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English | Need hope Please try to read everything before commenting I was in a car accident in February that ruined me financially physically and mentally I worked as a Lyft driver because I'm disabled, so I spent months unemployed because my car was totaled I have a pending settlement on the way because I'm not at fault I crowdsourced money for a car and went back to driving for Lyft months late rim in another accident and my insurance provider forgot to add ride-share endorsements to my policy We re in the process of trying to retroactively add them The more recent accident is my fault There s in property damage and that's without talking about the cars My lawyer handling my settlement from the first accident says getting in another accident will likely tank my settlement because they'll blame my new injuries for crippling me for the rest of my life EVEN THOUGH THE NEW ACCIDENT IS WA AAY LESS SEVERE So instead of walking out with k in my pocket I'm lucky walking out with k I want to kill myself The thought of being at fault for this accident and having NO coverage and having to pay everything is agonizing I have no assesses I'm probably going to have to surrender the car I have no savings I have no job I have nothing The only thing stopping me from killing myself if the fact that my debt MIGHT transfer to my mother which I can't force her to handle onto of her disabilities my demented grandma and my shitty abusive older sister Is it worth filing for bankruptcy Is it worth filing for disability Like what are my ways out of this hellhole |
French | Je vais essayer de ne pas entrer trop de détails pour sauver mon temps. Je suis la chose que j'ai pensé et sourire à propos de ça depuis des années. Je me souviens écrire dans un journal intime. je suis allé à la maison. je suis allé à l'hôpital. je suis allé à l'hôpital. je suis allé à l'hôpital. je suis allé à l'hôpital. je suis allé à l'hôpital. je suis allé à l'hôpital. |
English | Do I Deserve Depressions I m and still in high school but as my final year comes to a close I find myself contemplating suicide more and more I have been contemplating it since the grade for reasons I will discuss later in this passage and I have had this tremendous pain in my chest throughout my four years of high school because of it However every time I think about killing myself I fall back onto whether or not I deserve depression For instance I have a roof over my head I am able to eat three meals a day although eating has been hard lately and I'm relatively healthy But even so I think to myself how shitty of a life I think I have and how bleak my future looks So here are a couple of reasons of why I want to commit suicide My GPA is one of the lowest in my class Every college I've looked at doesn't accept students who s GPA is as low as mine and above is all I see I blew my chance on a college education for music which was the biggest blunder of all my life decisions I'm an asshole so much so that I've driven numerous people out of my life It's not even like I try to be one it's just gotten to the point where I just do it subconsciously My family thinks I'm some sort of violent sociopath Because my younger brother and I sometimes fight my parents talk about me behind my back saying how much of a violent person I've become even though I haven't even been in a school fight or have had any violent incidents outside my home which in response they say that it's called domestic abuse for a reason and that they are afraid that I'm going to beat my spouse in the future I have never had a girlfriend or been to a social event In fact not only have I not been invited to anything I also haven't even touched a girl As weird as that is for me to say Plus I'm incredibly socially awkward which doesn't help my case I m unattractive I might see myself as being unattractive just because I've never had anyone show any interest in me, but I still see myself as being ugly regardless Plus I'm weaker than half the freshmen in my school so that's fucking great I might be losing my sanity I've started to hear loud quick second crowds as if I was in NYC seeing figures out of the corner of my eye like more than I used to, and they are becoming more frequent hearing my name be yelled out being afraid to look in the mirror having violent thoughts and laughing whilst having them and being paranoid to the point where I think everyone is watching me judging me and as crazy as this sounds that people are reading my mind No matter how much I think I deserve depression I know people who have lives that are worse than mine from what I've heard anyway which then makes me feel like I don't deserve my emotions Can't be happy because I don't deserve anything can't be sad because I don't have it as bad as some, and I might not be losing my mind I know this post is long and I'm sorry if I wasted your time but do I deserve to be depressed Is suicide a viable option Is any of what I'm going through normal I know I didn't write this great but anything helps thanks |
French | Trop effrayée, je suis suicidaire depuis des mois maintenant et je ne sais pas quoi faire, j'ai abandonné à l'école, mes notes sont des ordures, je jette mon avenir et je ne peux pas me voir vivre ou même aller à l'université, j'aimerais pouvoir le faire et en finir avec, mais il y a juste quelque chose qui me garde ici, alors je suis tellement fatigué de ça, je veux juste mettre fin à ma putain de vie. |
French | Qu'est-ce que je fais maintenant a finalement essayé de le faire, j'ai pensé à me tuer tellement prévu avant même, mais c'était le plus proche que j'ai jamais obtenu que j'allais me pendre et j'avais tout préparé comme je le voulais, je me suis tenu sur la chaise pendant si longtemps, et je suis venu si près de le laisser tomber, mais je me suis pris à déchirer la corde de ma tête et immédiatement commencé à pleurer. |
French | La mousson est là donc est ma dépression saisonnière La mousson est ma période préférée de l'année, mais je suis aussi très triste |
English | This is my first time reaching out Help I don't know how it will happen but if something does not change soon it will happen I have put up with people for far too long I was accused today of making a disparaging remark towards hiring someone I would never say anything like that I felt angry that the question would even be asked of me My client barely talks to me only if no one else is around He is always talking to my boss They are like two peas in a pod No matter what I do it is never good enough for anyone at work It is always gone do this go do that He never does anything My boss is either talking with our client about nonwork related items or doing personal things on the computer A co-worker and I have run the account before and we did a phenomenal job We were even recognized by our upper management I have been placed through numerous hoops and hurdles lately I was placed on a performance improvement plan that I did not deserve I complied with every aspect of the requirements to get off of the plan There were supposed to be weekly meetings with my boss to discuss my performance improvement This was not completed I had to ask him what the status was and he would always say that we would talk about it later We never did I did not get off of the plan until late January when it should have been early December I have applied for new jobs inside and outside my current company for months but nothing has ever come of it I am mentally broken I have been taken advantage of at work by numerous people I have been lied to lied about and thrown under the bus too many times My wife has been there every step of the way She has been my supporter through the whole thing even when I tried to push her away so she would not have to be with the wreck that I am My mind my body and my spirit are all tired I do not enjoy doing anything anymore |
English | Not wanting to live anymore am Used to be full of dreams and goals Til about years ago I am depressed as hell I don't remember the last time I was happy Every day feels the same I'm tired of work Tired of college Tired of living in the same shit town all my life I'm broke as shit I sleep all the time when I'm not working No one to talk to Don't know how to talk to people any more I always think about killing myself in many ways Fantasize about it, I just want to feel something other than anger sadness and loneliness Everything is a joke to me Pointless When people talk to me, it feels like a chore just listening My memory is bad because of anxiety I've switched medication many times Nothing works I just am tired of suffering I've tried my best to change my life but nothing has come out of it, yet I want to be done |
English | Feels like god wants me to kill myself Every day something bad happens to me and it's getting increasingly worse yesterday my grandmas lung collapsed Stuck in a hole now |
French | Je ne devrais pas me sentir comme ça, mais je me sens tellement bien Prêt à tout mettre fin à tout Pensées et émotions très confuses Point de rupture maintenant Je n'aime pas vivre plus instinct Je blesse les gens autour de moi Je veux ruiner ou pas Je gâche toutes les merveilleuses chances J'ai des choses à faire Je pense que tout le monde Je ne peux pas trouver des pensées de suicide Je suis une personne horrible Je pourrais être quelqu'un d'autre |
English | Chronic pain is killing my will to live chronically ill with debilitating migraines I work to get health insurance that keeps me healthy enough to keep working for health insurance I'm in pain almost everyday I don't want to wake up any more I have a wonderful boyfriend and amazing life with him but I can't stop feeling guilty I put him through so much With insurance I still have thousands in medical debt and cant afford to save for anything or pay down my school debt I don't know what to do any more I don't want to be alive anymore |