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English | Ugh I hate this I'm not doing it after all at least not today I couldn't bear making my parents so sad I hate this They re shit but they'd still get sad if I was gone and I don't want that Guess I'll just suffer until I'm actually brave enough to do it Fuck my life |
French | Toute personne ici que je peux parler Est-ce que leur quelqu'un ici qui est disponible parler à |
English | Suicide s Inevitable How Not to Hurt Family and Friends I don't think I'm going to last much longer I've written letters to my roommates parents and a friend I've alienated letting them know that it isn't their fault and that there was nothing they could have done to have prevented it I know they're going to feel hurt and betrayed regardless but I'm trying to make it as clear as possible that they're not responsible in any way I don't know if their s anything else I can do to make it easier for them, I really don't want anyone I care about thinking that they could have done more because they honestly couldn't have |
English | I m done going to hang myself in my basement it s been a year of this shit and I'm just done I'm tired of bulimia of self harm of hating myself every second of every day and of nothing ever being good enough I hope the rest of you have better lives I deserve this death |
English | Alone I've never felt this alone I'm married years and I'll be on Thursday My wife doesn't want to spend time with any anymore Since Thanksgiving I've only spent actual days with her And we've only shared our bed together maybe times when we are both in bed She would rather spend time with literally anyone else I hope I don't wake up tomorrow |
English | REALLY need to talk to someone I have nobody in my life to share the thoughts that are running like crazy in my head I need to talk to a stranger who might understand or tell me what's wrong with my feelings Please aim me w ox |
English | Going to do it now with lean in method have luggage strap wedged in door jam been researching suicide for last two months I am all set to go tonight in next minutes I lost my home, and I am a heartbroken chest hurts with grief and stress cannot sleep Goodbye beautiful world love you all It's hard to actually do this thing and go through with it |
English | I need a friend to talk to Please Pm me if you feel like listening to my crap |
English | Hard days waiting The days are extremely hard I thought that if i d made it through the week i d be better than I was at the start I'm not planning on killing myself like anyone else on here i m sick of seeing that People want advice, and they just say that they're going to do it and no one really knows what to say to that I'm wondering how to get through long hard days when the want to not exist doesn't go away I would love for someone to let me know what they do when this happens I smoke shitloads of weed and can't even be asked doing that until the thoughts go away I'm worried I might neck on impulse which I don't want to do |
French | Ce serait bien si la vie ne sucait pas La vie est dure Beaucoup de gens sont d'accord là-dessus, mais pour moi la vie semble juste trop difficile pour valoir la peine, ce n'est généralement pas une expérience agréable Je me sens comme une assiette de mauvais aliments que je suis gavé de force Je ne peux pas arrêter de le manger autant que je le voudrais Je pourrais peut-être si je n'étais pas trop paresseux |
French | C'est bizarre Certains jours Je vais bien Pas heureux mais bien Mais les mauvais jours sont de la merde et je commence à me sentir suicidaire Ce soir est l'une de ces nuits où je ne dors pas pendant des heures ou ne me baigne pas ou à l'école Donc personne ne pense que je me bats Je me force naturellement à être heureux autour des autres parce que je n'ose pas laisser mes parents penser Je n'ai jamais demandé de l'aide |
English | Imposter syndrome does anyone else feel like they are lying or faking it when they attempt like if I was honestly suffering I would ve done it by now w o hesitation I must be exaggerating my pain if I think twice before doing anything even in solitude I feel like I'm doing this for attention |
French | Pourquoi attendre est suicidaire depuis des années et cela a tellement affecté ma vie que je ne sais pas pourquoi les gens continuent à me dire que ça va mieux parce que ça ne l'a pas fait et je suis fatigué d'attendre de mourir |
English | There is help right I want to be helped As nobody knows even me I am a self-proclaimed narcissistic People hate those, so I hate myself too I'm very prone to manipulate people and I since child those like in the CIA and FBI caught my attention What I'm looking nonetheless is to end my existence without hurting anybody seek help and not hurt anybody I've been hospitalized times anyway I only do this because I need to hope that I can recover I have ADHD and Autism and depression Today I did a good step and called to go to the psychiatrist All I ask is to make peace with me To not hurt I just can't hurt people like I have been doing is not fair is not good And I need the help I m fortunate I have parents that take care of me Please help |
French | Combien je suis proche Adam fatigué de vivre fatigué d'être cible facile pour les hommes parce que je suis trans fatigué de seul fatigué de pleurer sans emploi vivant avec mes parents Parfois, je pense à des méthodes de suicide qui me fait peur ne serait pas l'esprit de sommeil et de ne jamais me réveiller En fait, je veux vivre, mais je ne peux pas changer ma vie à quel point j'essaie Suis-je proche du suicide ou à quel point je suis proche |
English | I am a year-old rising junior The academic stress and there being no purpose living makes me jump I will be jumping off a four-story building near my house Goodbye just finished writing my final goodbye letters to my mom dad and brother Goodbye I want to talk to someone, but I don't know who I'm planning on overdosing on lean or some other drug I know that my parents will just say that depression and suicidal thoughts are just common and focus on my grade and GPA I feel hopeless I want to know where to take my life from No comfort or support will help me much I feel like I'm better off gone than having to work more and study and prepare for school and the SAT To me that is all there is to life I'm sorry mom and dad Even though I spent time with you, I simply can't get over it Goodbye and I love you because this is not your fault Thank you for all the memories and support you have me for the past seventeen years of my life The times when you scolded me that if I didn't get a good SAT score then I would be sent to academies and my dog would be forced to eat canned food it just breaks my heart If so then it is better off for me to just jump and disappear so that you could take care of my dog Goodbye |
English | I no longer feel happiness wanna Starr this by saying my life hasn't been bad of course i ve been through different tragedies but i ve gotten through them fairly unscathed I have a loving family a wonderful girlfriend and well i m not doing the best financially i m also not going to be homeless any time soon but for some reason I am unhappy I barely smile some days i overhear others I don't eat at all I sleep all day sometimes not waking up until after pm i haven't cried and i hardly even feel mad just either emptiness or unending pain I've tried therapy and that just made me feel worse i m on antidepressants and i m not sure if they're helping or not but if I stop taking them I get sick sometimes I feel like I don't even exist anymore i ve stopped talking to most of my friends except a few that refuse to leave me alone the only thing that really brings me joy is the thought of my own death |
French | null |
English | I need help not very good at this but I'll give it a try I m in love I'm in live with the greatest girl in the planet The only problem is that I'm not anywhere near perfect I'm not that popular I've never had any friends and I've never had a girlfriend But we sat next to each other in one class, and we had another class together keep in mind this is high school Simple right Everyone is happy and marries their partner we started talking, and I started felling like I really liked her She's one of the popular girls an s friends with literally everybody at school so we became friends Then we started texting and this is where it gets interesting I have some emotional issues and on several occasions I insulted her screamed at her and just generally was a jerk to her, I tried to make It better I gave her little gifts origami things and the like to try and make up for how I treated her Then I made the biggest mistake of my life I told her that we shouldn't be friends any more I did this for several now pointless reasons I'm a generally closed off person and we were getting so close that the thought of being emotionally open with another human being scared me both for my sake and for what she would find when she saw Another reason is that I didn't want her to have to go through my problems with me, She has her own problems the usual teenage girl problems insecurities depression the whole things I didn't want her to have to deal with me and my emotional outburst as well And finally I loved her Again I haven't had many people to love but she made me feel different She was all I was able to think about I'm only posting this now because I'm up until just thinking about her, I knew that even without all the emotion complications it would be impossible for me to stay just her friend Don't get me wrong I fell privileged just to be friend zoned by a girl because at least she acknowledges my existence plus the fact that all the emotional detachment has pretty much made me against dating in general But with her, I would be able to hold it Every day seeing her beautiful face and knowing that she barely even sees me as a friend would drive me to insanity more insanity and at some point I would tell her how I feel Now even though she may be the girl who s friends with EVERYBODY she still wouldn't be able to get past that It would ruin everything for us because she doesn't feel the same way, and she loves someone else Like all teenage girls she s had her fair share of loves She s been in love with at least celebrities and people that she grew up with that are now in college She could never love me a kid she's barely know for a few months who occasionally gives her romantic borderline creepy gifts when I am even slightly mean to her and has acted crazier than a normal person around the greatest girl ever over a guy she s know for years like every other kid at school or a person she's grown up with her entire life even if they do leave her for college There's now way it would ever work out between us and there's no reason to try I don't even know why I'm writing this and to this Subreddit too I'm not going to kill myself at least not yet but I just desperately wanted some other living soul to hear my story that would judge me for everything I've done and just tell me you're not the worst person in the world or you could totally get her with just your personality Don't try though if you've managed to sit though this whole thing thank you, Just having someone else know about my mess makes it better already TL;DR I'm an idiot in love with the most perfect perfectest girl in the universe Tell me I'm not EDIT maybe I should X post this to r depression |
English | I walked on the train tracks for an hour days ago I was on the train tracks for an hour waiting to finally end it I got bored, and a train never came so I walked back home I'm so angry at myself and I regret coming home if I would have just stayed for minutes longer a train would have come ahh him just fucking done with my life |
French | Si je ne suis pas dans une classe pour mon prochain trimestre majeur, je me tue Oui, je sais à quel point je suis stupide, je sais à quel point ça sonne stupide, mais regardez la grande image, je suis un étudiant en informatique de deuxième année, je suis un étudiant en informatique. |
English | Too ashamed to bother ve never cut myself before but i m feeling left with nothing and i m trying it is s easier than I thought which is scary i ve been arguing with myself for the past couple of days to take all of my antidepressants and just get it over with I already looked it up and it should do the trick it's just seeming so much more appealing Edit Thanks for the support I m at my sisters now so I'm not alone with my thoughts |
English | I just wanna died don't even really have the energy to type I just want to die |
English | I feel so hurt I just want to die The only think stopping me is I'm too scared of the pain moments before it But I hate myself I feel like no one cares about me outside my family and though I'm never bullied I never feel value Girls only look at me because I'm an attractive guy but then inside I feel lame as hell Once they see that I'm quickly left in the dust My friends rarely if ever reach out to me first I always feel like I'm keeping these relationships going I feel exhausted and I'm only I want to go back to when I was a kid I feel like now I'll get a burst of attention and feel loved and then I'll be left in the dust Whenever I struggle it seems no one cares and it's me vs the world I don't want these feelings I think the worst thing right now is not having a textbook best friend I've always wanted one, but I don't I try but I'm growing so tired no one understands Everyone just says make more effort to give love but I'm getting so, so tired If there was a painless way to die I'd do it right now except for the fact that my family would be devastated Crap thinking of that just makes me feel sadder and cornered I feel like I can't escape I can't afford a therapist and even if I could I don't want people to know my struggle everyone sees me as the handsome tall kind friendly guy |
English | Lonely don't feel remotely satisfied with my life any more I'm more lonely than I've ever been really And it's not like I don't have friends I do I mean a few I just managed to lose the person I cared about more than anything My ex-girlfriend the first person I've ever really clicked with I've only ever been in one relationship and that was with her, It didn't even last that long we were friends for maybe months then dated for I guess she realized she had made a mistake and dumped me It was all going great but her ex was still in the picture, and she decided she wanted him back I was the rebound basically I was crying for weeks straight afterward and made pretty much every mistake in the book begging for her back etc. Now we re months down the line she s moved on with her life and doesn't give a shit about me any more Here I am alone and unhappy missing her every day All I want to do is message her and sometimes I give in and do just that But there's no point She won't tell me things like she used to she sometimes can take ages to reply or just won't at all Whatever we had is clearly gone and that's the hardest part to deal with So I sorta gave up with trying to talk to her but unfortunately I'm just feeling even more shitty now and even more alone The urge to message her is getting stronger by the day it's only been a week It's the little things I miss the most Like texting each other to say good morning First thing I'd do is check my phone and spring up when I saw a message from her But all the time we spent together I miss going to see movies with her or when we used to binge-watch TV shows together We watched practically the whole of Game of Thrones season to together It all felt so perfect Christ just having someone who actually seemed to care about me was the best feeling in the world I feel like that was my one shot and I lost it I'm not in a position where I can meet many new people and social anxiety makes it even harder Even in the rare instance when I do we just never click like me and my ex did I could probably get over her if I found someone else I feel like I'm going to become one of those guys who get into their s and is still a virgin Like I don't want that I can't help to be insecure about it The thought of being alone for much longer is fucking terrifying I crave what I had with my ex again If I can't have that a large part of me just wants to end it all now I don't know really life all just seems so bleak I don't want to be alone any longer I don't think that's asking too much |
French | Mon professeur n'a pas manqué de me rappeler que je suis un échec et que je n'aurai jamais un avenir, elle me harcèle constamment me disant que je ne ferai jamais rien de ma vie et je commence à la croire quand elle m'a choisi aujourd'hui en me criant dessus et en m'embarrassant devant toute la classe, j'ai pensé à la façon dont tout le monde réagirait si un jour je ne me sentais pas mal pour me pousser sur le bord. |
French | Je vais me tuer quand mes parents sont morts, je suis assis dans la peur depuis quelques jours maintenant de gens que je sais mourir, je reçois des attaques de panique quand le téléphone sonne, pensant que c'est la nouvelle que quelqu'un dans notre église est mort, mes grands-pères sont partis, les pertes ont été assez douloureuses pour moi, je ne peux pas vivre sans mes parents, donc quand ils meurent, je vais me tuer. |
French | Dépression Que faire si ma mère est déraisonnablement haineuse ou agaçante et que je n'ai plus aucune raison de m'aimer |
French | Edgei a été sur le bord pendant des années maintenant je ne sais pas combien de temps je peux faire ceci je ai jamais seulement voulu rendre les gens heureux mais ils me détestent tous il n'y a rien laissé je ne sais pas quoi faire |
French | Un dernier message à mon meilleur ami avant que je finisse mon Lifeway mec Je veux juste vous dire que je t'aime Je ne sais pas comment le reste de tout cela va sortir, mais comprendre que peu importe comment je choisis mes mots Je t'aime est tout ce que je veux que je comprends désolé pour moi pour tout ce temps Il n'y a pas de mots qui peuvent décrire ce que j'ai beaucoup signifié pour moi Les deux dernières années tu m'as fait sentir plus confiant et plein de but |
English | Doctors Told Me I Have Lupus m not sure what I want this post to be about but my depression is through the roof I got diagnosed with Lupus and that has explained a lot about what's going on in my body I deal with extremely fatigue sometimes out of nowhere and these joint pains are pretty unreal Especially when they start in my knees My hips hurt a lot and I can't sit down for to long, or they lock up I feel like I m but I'm only It really sucks because people always tell me I need to get a job and focus on making money but I don't know if I can really build a better life for myself with all these things going on My mental issues are the worst I have OCD brutal social anxiety and of course I struggle with a fair amount of depression on a regular basis Honestly I just feel like I'm letting my family down I'm the oldest out of all my brothers and I know most if not all of them look up to me in a way It sucks I can't set a better example for them This post is basically me venting in a way because I don't want to let my family know how weak and hopeless I really sometimes feel I know I'm not excellent at everything I do but I really do try hard regardless of what my family may think I don't think all hope is lost but I wish I had somebody to be there for me and tell me everything s going to be alright just something |
French | null |
French | Je veux désespérément sauter d'un pont ou me pendre, mais je suis trop lâche et j'ai peur de la possibilité d'être puni dans l'au-delà, je me déteste, je veux mourir, mais je suis lâche apparemment, je vais juste être malheureux pour plus d'années inutiles, j'envisage de prendre le désir de la mort, les passe-temps à accélérer le processus et l'échappatoire, peut-être une situation de péché, je suis tout à fait. |
English | I will never amount to anything m in my second year of college Finals have started and grades are starting to come back Last fall I got over involved with varsity sports and my grades suffered but I didn't drop the sports teams until it was too late, and my grades were almost irreparable In the spring I worked at it and got my GPA to a point where I'd be able to keep my scholarship but it's not nearly as competitive as it needs to be for when I get to grad school This semester to felt better about things but after just getting back my biology final grade I once again feel hopeless and useless I go to UNC and granted it's a tough school and the science classes are rough but there are students here who have GPA staking the same classes as I do Those are the kids that are going to get into grad school med school and law school while I'll be stuck doing the runt work that nobody else has to do because I'm not good enough I know this may be coming from a place of privilege being that I go to a top university and I know I'm lucky to be here but oftentimes I feel I don't belong here I'm nowhere near as smart as everyone else and have no chance of getting into post undergraduate schools when competing against other students in my class My GPA is currently a possibly getting up to an after this semester Last fall it was a Granted it's now much higher than it used to be it's not good enough Since starting college I've been struggling My grades are low I have very few friends and while I have a great support system I always feel alone I have GAD and PTSD to top it all off I just don't think I can do it anymore Everything s getting to be too much my low grades prove to me that I won't be able to go anywhere after graduating if I even get to that point and I'll never amount to anything |
French | J'ai survécu à la tentative Mes excuses amigos Je sais comment j'ai construit la tension tout le monde s'attendait à une grande finale J'ai pris mon script Xanax lundi a pris toute la bouteille de lithium tout mon escitalopram et une poignée d'Advil ainsi qu'une bouteille entière de Murine dm pour faire bonne mesure Réveil à l'hôpital Je suis un putain d'échec Je vais mettre à jour quand je fais un plan |
English | Why do they say if only Why do people always say if only blah blah insert whatever catchphrase they say or I d known they had told me if I had one more chance etc Why won't people do those things right now When I've clearly stated intentions why do they wait Why not now Because they don't really care and all that if only stuff is something they say to make themselves feel less guilty for not helping |
French | null |
English | I'm too lazy for life I'm still live with my parents don't work and don't attend university I was recently given an ultimatum of either get a job or leave If my options are either be miserable for the rest of my life making minimum wage just to barely afford to stay alive or to be homeless and slowly starve to death wouldn't quickly kill myself be the best option I think this is just natural selection right I fail to adapt, so I die Honestly I have no idea why I'm writing this if the choices are starvation making hour or a quick death a quick death seems like the only appealing option Am I missing something |
French | Sœur me traquer en ville me rend plus déterminé à me tuer bientôt ne devrait-il pas courir autour de la ville à la recherche d'un endroit pour manger aller à la salle de bain et dormir, mais maintenant je fais maintenant elle me harcèle dans sa voiture me klaxonnant, je n'ai plus d'intimité, j'espère que ma période viendra lardy si je CN obtenir ce plus avec |
English | I don't want to live anymore It s becoming harder to get out of bed every morning It's becoming harder to do simple tasks like brush my teeth and shower The only girl I want doesn't want me in the same way My family thinks I'm a bum and are about to stop supporting me financially I m years old I have no direction in life and I barely graduated from high school I don't know what I like or want to do with my life The only way I know how to get money is by selling weed I don't think I'm going to be able to support myself I've been thinking about ending my life more and more recently, but I don't want to do that to my friends and family and I'm also scared I'll botch the suicide attempt I don't know what to do anymore The mental pain hurts more than any physical pain I've ever felt |
English | Location ve never wanted to do it at my home because of my fear of traumatizing a family member I always and I mean always said I would do it at some shitty motel Let the staff find me and just leave a good tip lol However now I'm scared I feel soon heavy Like no matter what I do I'm going to get stuck feeling like this I just don't want to be alone I want to be able to at least see them I wouldn't call myself superstitious Maybe it's the dehydration or the malnutrition or just my heart giving up, but I just feel like I'm leaving a really hideous disgusting stain kn my family I feel like I'm just going to be a bad hurtful memory that never goes away and I don't want that for them, I had a thought about doing it in the garage I wasn't sure if there were any exposed beams so I got someone with the key to go in with me under false pretenses I saw exposed beams A few minutes later after the first person left I got another family member to give me their keys so that I could go get Halloween decorations I just stared at them Those keys were like a gateway to peace My mom asked me to do something I can't remember what but it took long enough to distract me At least for tonight After finding those beams it feels certain that's where I die I just want to stay close to them, I wish I could feel less pain I wish I could keep living for them as I have the last decade I would never want any of them to feel what I am feeling now I sincerely hope they understand |
French | null |
French | Dis-moi juste comment y mettre fin abandonne je suis trop faible et je veux juste arrêter de souffrir Voir mes grenouilles de compagnie à nouveau Comment puis-je y mettre fin |
French | Je vais commencer à prendre des dispositions pour le suicide demain Ma ville semble qu'il va entrer en confinement à nouveau bientôt et ma santé mentale a souffert tellement de la première que je ne peux pas faire un autre confinement Je suis principalement parce que j'ai été démis de mon travail avec aucune certitude quant à savoir si ou quand je reviendrai J'ai passé près de deux mois dans un état d'anxiété et de peur. |
French | Clarice jusqu'à ce qu'il ne puisse plus faire de pause |
English | What do you do when you realize you are stuck, and you wasted your entire life Every night before work I realize how much I hate my life I can't change because I need the money but many times I feel like I would rather be homeless I get ridiculed and harassed at work while I carry their efficiency It is a small company and there is no HR department for me to express this to I make significantly more money here than I would at any other job that is easy to obtain I have wasted my life getting stuck at this place full of assholes I often wish I had a gun to know that I won't have to go to work the next day |
French | Mon fiancé m'a laissé sans famille en dehors de lui, je me suis isolé et n'ai pas de système de soutien, je perds ma famille et ma maison et la vie de ma vie, je ne me suis jamais senti aussi seul. |
English | Is it better to have a shitty parent or a dead one I am so incapable of parenting that I am making my kid s life awful She's six and she's going to grow up hating me the way people in the raised by narcissist sub hate their parents I just don't know if it will fuck her up more if I stay or if I leave |
English | Just want a quick and painless way to die looking for a quick way to end it lot of things have happened and this is the final straw I have access to everything except a gun I do not wish to suffer I just want it to end in a painless way |
English | I am completely lost and suicidal So I'm writing this out of pain and anguish, and it feels like I have nowhere else to turn I was recently accused of sexual battery by a girl who along with myself had too many to drink, and she was also popping pills which she ended up telling in the morning We didn't have sex at all I knew what was going to happen next I'm just smart I have a good gut instinct My roommate best friend of years kicks me out of the apartment and doesn't even care to hear my side of the story I get almost choked to death by my other friend who apparently had a crush on her since middle school and just assumed I raped her So I admit myself to the hospital because I was really about to kill myself and I'm only a day in there when my mom calls me and tells me the girl pressing charges Apparently my friends were having a meeting with her and I'm assuming it was to discuss a plan to prosecute me All these people didn't even get my side of the story yet they instantly believed this girl So I get out on Christmas Eve of last year and I m told an investigator wants to talk to me, I talk to him because I'm naive, and I really had nothing to hide I was honest and straightforward and her narrative was apparently constantly changing She just took what everyone else said and ran with it So I go in again in February and I'm like okay WTF I need a lawyer y all are trying to fry my ass So I ask for a lawyer and these sly MFS slide two felony arrest warrants they've been keeping the whole time and escort me to jail via an unmarked police car First time in jail and let me tell you I wanted to die so badly I was in there for a week and when I got out this girl comes over a week after at AM in is posted up outside screaming and yelling telling me to come outside Now I have a no contact order at this point prohibiting myself and everyone I know from even speaking to her So at this point legally we just had to sit back and wait for police So she tries breaking into our house and breaks down our side gate to try and get in the sliding door, but luckily someone blocked it with wood So the cops get there, and they LITERALLY pass her as they're pulling up like a bunch of fucking idiots So we go the next morning to get a restraining order, and she does the SAME thing She said I did exactly what she did and ended up getting it because my mom forgot her court date So fast-forward to September and I get news that the case is being dropped and guess what so does the girl and she is PISSED She comes over AGAIN but this time it was a close call because it was right as I was walking in the house She gets out her car and starts screaming and yelling and making actual death threats She and her boyfriend blow up my phone with threats AND SHE HAS THE RESTRAINING ORDER ON ME So the cops show up fucking minutes and three phone calls later and by this point she talks her way out of it, and they let her go So yesterday my mom and my dad went to court for her stalking charges, and we had a stockpile of evidence against her but the judge dropped the case because I wasn't there even though no one said I had to be a witness No one subpoenaed me either so I'm just really disappointed at this point For anyone who read through this I have BPD PTSD severe anxiety severe paranoia and schizoid delusions from this experience Everyday I wake up I want to die because I'm stuck in a position where I can't get a job corona is going around and everyone in my city thinks I'm some sort of psychopathic rapist pedophile I got unemployment but blew it all on things I didn't need because if I was going to spend my life in prison I would go all out before then Now I regret not saving my money because now that the case is over I have nothing, and I am basically leeching off of my parents at this point I feel like a piece of absolute shit when I go about my day because I have nothing to show for it, I went through all of this and the justice system bent me over a fucked me in the ass Now I have a therapist who just wants to talk about fucking breathing exercises and writing in a journal I just don't think people can truly understand what I'm going through because my situation is so unique and people don't know what to tell me So this is why I wish I could just fucking kill myself I often put gun fingers to my head just out of impulse when no one s looking I hit myself when I don't do something right I am a failure to myself and to society and no one except my family gives a single shit about me Friends of plus years turned their backs on me for a person they only knew for a day I don't know what to do any more My fucking brain hurts, and my heart hurts, and I feel like I'm losing touch with reality |
English | Is it selfish for others to tell me to stay I don't want to be here any more I have been depressed since I was I m now actually yesterday was my birthday and I asked everyone I could think of to spend some time with me instead I sat in my bed and slept until it wasn't my birthday any more i m tired all the time I have no motivation i didn't graduate high school because i didn't have any motivation I still can't seem to finish school because I don't have any motivation I try the last six months have been too much for me and everything is just getting worse I had a terrible Christmas I spent new years sobbing by myself because I felt so out of place I lost my job the next day my ex broke up with me a week later he asked to see me valentine s day but just wanted to hook up my friends all said they would go out with me on my birthday and only one showed up there is a deep deep longing for complete silence and emptiness within me, I don't want to feel anything any more i ve tried antidepressants i ve tried therapy i ve tried meditation and every day I wake up and I still don't want to be here any more i ve never tried to kill myself but I know I want to die the only reason I am still here is that everyone else tells me I have to be for this person or that person or whatever the reason may be why should I have to live a life I don't want to live anymore because other people tell me to isn't it selfish to tell someone to keep going and then leave them to their own devices everyone tells me they don't want me to kill myself when I say i m going to or I try to and then I don't kill myself and there's no one there any more I try to reach out to everyone, and they always have some excuse why they can't see me or they ignore me and do something without me, I feel so alone all the time even in a room full of people I still feel alone I was hoping that this slump would end on my birthday that everyone would tell me how much they care about me but most people didn't bother to are they selfish for keeping me here or am I wrong to want to leave a life I don't at all enjoy |
French | Je suis mort va me tuer dans quelques minutes, j'ai fait ce post pour demander un peu d'amour, je veux juste que les gens me disent au revoir |
English | I'm about to do it see no other way |
English | Suicide in San Diego m and have known since I was about that I am destined for suicide I don't see myself living much longer I'm thinking I m going to do it pretty soon like any day now I have been thinking about hiking somewhere pleasant to a very tall cliff of some sort and getting completely drunk then jumping I might do it this weekend my dad leaves for the weekend to visit his girlfriend, so I'll be by myself I don't want to have any possibility of surviving at all Any suggestions |
English | Anyone willing to talk feeling very down |
English | About to go to the psych Warwick what account I'm on I feel so done with life, and honestly I was about to end it but I called for help instead They're arriving soon and will talk to me and help me |
English | My friend was once suicidal but has been stable for a while but every few months her psycho ex-boyfriend calls and reports her as a suicide threat Yesterday the cops took her to intake again Is there any way to prevent this She is getting really sick of the harassment She already has a restraining order out on him, he calls anonymously or under a false name Is there anything she can do And if there's a better place to post this tell me and I'll close it so as not to clutter an important Subreddit Thanks |
English | Suicidal due to academic problems in my last year of school that will chase we on for life HI Reddit Where should I start Well I guess from the beginning I take the IB which is a high school course to get your diploma Fast forward It's stressful as fuck Its depressing I have exams every week with a max of a week It is horribly made me realize how dumb I am I felt the dumbest kid at school My grades for math were s right at the end right at the end of the year two test failed retake and passed one by percent at it would be a fail wow final failed retake Right at the end I fucked everything up Also for my perfect subjects Bio always s final Avg went down wow I have no words I feel like the biggest dumb shit alive I just want to jump in front of a train that's it forgets it all I planned to study medicine but my requirements are too low and for other countries I only got one science which isn't enough Germany only needs one I feel like I just ruined everything IDK what to do now I'm not going to fail school all together so that's good But how did this happen What should I do now I'm now going to grade Right at the end wow I hate myself |
French | Je veux mourir, les gens seraient tristes, mais je veux mourir L'amour de ma vie ne veut pas de moi Je suis maudit et je baise tout ce que je touche Je suis si complètement inutile et je lui ai dit que j'allais me tuer et je me suis tenu près de ce grand pont près de moi mais je ne pouvais pas mais je veux plaire |
English | Of of the other See you space cowboy Got a six-pack Said goodbye to my ex who has someone new to see her through things Going to get drunk eat all my pills then blow a hole in my head before I black out Should be successful |
English | Trustyou broke all of my trust I poured all my life into you yet all you did was betray me how am I supposed to trust anyone anymore when the person u love the most leaves u to rot like these things between us felt so real this time, but you disappeared there s nobody in this world that will resonate with me as much as u did u will be the only one i ll ever love and I mean it unlike u i m sorry for everything I'm so sorry I felt the way I did because I was so scared i didn't want you leaving like everybody else did but u did in the end I hate u so much u ruined my life yet nobody sides with me ill never be as pure as I once was in the past u ruined me you're a murderer because I am going to kill myself because of u |
French | Je suis putain fait pourrait prendre le divorce de mes parents facile, je pourrais prendre mon frère me laissant seul pour faire face à ma mère bipolaire ivre pas si facile, je pourrais prendre ma mère se saouler me frapper et me jeter hors de la maison dur, mais ce soir, je viens de confirmer même mon père ne se fout pas de moi, ni personne d'autre dans ma vie triste, je n'ai aucun intérêt, rien et personne à attendre avec impatience. |
French | Je ne peux plus supporter tout ce combat interne toute cette résistance et pour ce que je me déteste, je veux mourir, personne ne se soucie de moi, personne ne m'aime, personne ne veut de moi, je suis brisé, et je ne peux pas être réparé. |
French | Je n'ai jamais fini dans la merde l'année dernière Ma santé mentale a chuté ces derniers mois et j'ai fantasmé sur l'auto-mutilation toute l'année Ma sœur aînée s'enrage avec ma mère, et ils se disputent parfois. Ma sœur m'a fait référence à vouloir tout finir après un combat avec son petit ami. |
French | null |
French | Je veux me tuer, mais j'ai du travail demain si j'échoue et que je suis à l'hôpital, qu'est-ce que je fais Les gens comptent sur moi Tout le monde a des pensées stupides comme ça |
English | Does anyone know somewhere I can get some help online there aren't many options where I am that aren't prohibitively expensive but I can buy whatever prescriptions I might need relatively easily i m fighting through a lot of things and going through the process of explaining everything beginning to end over again seems like it'd be too hard to just keep doing over and over again I never know where to begin and there's too much pressure and stress involved and it only seems to add to my despair if it doesn't go anywhere so I wanted to try and invest myself emotionally and mentally in a more cohesive way that might lead to some progress i m at a very crucial point in my career and I need something like this i m not expecting miracles I just think I need someone who isn't reeling or numb to help me sort through things i m sorry i m having a hard time thinking and I can't see a better solution besides something like this i wouldn't know where to begin anyway |
English | This is my note So I've been in a very dark place for the past years Dealing with expression anxiety and trigeminal neuralgia is too much for me To top it off I lost my job and haven't been able to tell my parents about it, I'm broke purposeless, and I owe a lot of money to a friend who never really asked me to pay it back but the guilt is too much Today I've finally decided to take my own life Some people might call me selfish but that's ok IDC I know the trauma that I had to face as a child fucked me up I'm now but I still can't get over the fact that my own father abused me I told my Mom when I was but she didn't do anything about it didn't even ask him if this happened My brother did but he refused and now everyone believes him and behaves like nothing happened I see him every day, and I feel like killing him I've thought of it for the past many years But I don't want to kill another human That would be very wrong so killing myself seems to be the best option I don't wish to blame anyone for my suicide I'm doing this because I believe my pain will only stop when I die This is my first and only post here on Reddit I don't even know of anyone will read it Goodbye fellas |
English | I should have just done it seven years ago when I had the chance told myself I can do this I can get through with it but nope It just got worse I'm a failure and failures shouldn't live |
English | Why shouldn't I end it all I don't know why I'm alive I have no one that cares about me Ever since I graduated from high school years ago my life has been hell I'm still a virgin and no girl ever talks to me, I'm always fucking up something IDK what I should do any more I have no life I should just blow my brains out |
French | Je ne sais pas si je ne sais pas si c'est le bon endroit pour demander, mais j'ai besoin de savoir que je suis désolé si ce n'est pas que j'ai des pilules d'oxycodone acétaminophène certains sont de plus petites pilules bupropion venlafaxine |
English | I feel like i m about to ruin my life and my family s life and it's killing moon had a speaker at school come in to tell us about dating violence and I had told her about my stepdad who to put it lightly did some not good things well I wrote it to her and i m not seeing her till Tuesday so I told my counselor she had to report it and I had to talk to a detective and a DCS worker I have no idea what's about to happen because my mom will find out and knowing her she'll be on his side she'll probably not believe me or won't think it's a big deal i ve always thought of my stepdad as a nice guy usually but the program at school made me realize that he was manipulative as well i m probably going to get my shit thrown out and never see her again and i m so scared about what will happen I feel like It's pointless to even keep going |
English | I'm over it My mum is starting to see how shitty I am and I can't go on She sees me how I see myself so everything I thought about myself is true It's pointless for me I'm a hopeless case I wasted everyone s time and I'm sorry truly and deeply |
French | C'est sur le point d'être fait Tout a commencé quand ma famille était sur le point de faire que l'avortement Je souhaite qu'ils l'aient fait de toute façon Au moins la vie n'aurait pas la chance de me foutre et de me couper Bientôt il sera hors de la table avec plus de souffrance me souhaite bonne chance |
French | Mon ami steam pourrait avoir besoin d'aide mon ami steam au Texas a récemment perdu un ami lire à ce sujet ici HTTPS WWW Fox Nouvelles nouvelles com joueur de football Allen lycée mortellement abattu à la fête à la maison à Plano et ici HTTPS Imgur com un yuks sont les messages qu'il m'a envoyé et j'ai essayé mais je pense que c'est tout ce que je peux faire j'espère qu'il ne fait rien de mal, mais il n'a pas été en ligne depuis son dernier message |
English | Meaningless Born and raised in a toxic abusive household Have nowhere else to go but the streets and have no friends I m done |
French | Pourquoi je ne peux pas penser à n'importe quelle option mais le suicide sont au chômage au moment où j'ai vécu avec le peu d'argent que j'avais économisé pendant un certain temps maintenant et c'est presque out, et je ne peux pas avoir l'impression d'avoir un autre travail que j'ai appliqué à quelques-uns, mais le seul genre de travail que je pense être un échec j'ai besoin d'argent |
English | Please Help Me can't do this any more I need someone to help me I didn't want to let down my friends and family, but it feels like anything else would be better than feeling like this every single night |
French | Quelque chose pour me distraire n'importe qui a quelque chose de bon pour se distraire je suis désespéré |
English | I am worthless am worthless, and I don't know how to deal with that My body is not correct and body matters more than anything People look through me and for some reason I am never good enough Other people often with visible flaws are good enough often but I am never So the problem is me but years of trying to fix it only made me hate everyone because how could you not I don't understand why life is so fucking unfair and apparently I control everything in my life according to everyone who doesn't want to hear about it but truthfully I am the most powerless person on the planet and an extremely pathetic example of what not to be I don't understand I don't understand I don't understand Why did I have to be different in all the incorrect ways It doesn't matter nothing matters unless you have the right body and voice and mind otherwise there is no pleasure ever it's just pain and shut up we don't want to hear it you failure just shut up and die already Why is human touch and pleasure only for some people and how the fuck am I supposed to deal with this I don't want to die but this problem is fucking unfixable and NOTHING ALBEIT NOTHING CHANGES THAT IT IS CONSTANT NO MATTER WHAT THE FUCK I DO gt THE FUCK IS WRONG THAT I DON'T EVEN DESERVE A FUCKING TOUCH THE FUCK WHY IS IT THIS STRATIFIED AND THEN YOU LIE AND TELL ME HUMANITY ISN'T VERY OBVIOUSLY EVIL |
English | I don't know how to go on anymore Depression has been a continuing issue in my life compounded by the fact I've spent most of my life alone I was an only child with a single mother working two jobs Dealing with suicidal thoughts was a normalcy in my life but as of late it's all I think about I can't take the pain anymore and all I think about how I can get rid of it all About a year ago I met a wonderful individual who was compassionate caring and everything I wanted in a partner We both left horrible relationships but her s was still fresh We gave it a chance and everything seemed perfect, but then everything ended abruptly about a week ago and I've felt dead inside since I was ready to start a life we were talking about getting home opening a business and getting a dog and for once I felt like met the perfect person, and I was extremely happy but now all I wish for is death I feel dead inside I m years old and now I have much more of my life ahead of me, but I just can't find a will to live anymore The thought killing myself felt greedy and unfair to people in my life but lately it's all I want all the hurting to stop I don't know what posting here will do, but I just felt like I needed to get this off my chest because I don't have anyone else I can tell this to |
French | Je ne peux même pas expliquer cela avec des mots qui ne peuvent pas expliquer correctement la douleur que je traverse, je souffre tellement que je veux me tuer, je prévois de me tirer une balle dans le visage en quelques heures environ. |
English | Incoherent Rambling m not sure why I'm writing this I've tried talking to people, and it never seems to help I'm not even sure where I should really start all I know is that I think about killing myself several times a day at least, so I'm clearly not alright I lost a closest friend at work the day after Christmas her car slid off the ice and her and others died Her roommates both work with me too but I hadn't seen either of them until today and I only saw one of them I hugged her so tight I didn't want to let go but I didn't want to crush her either She's thinking about moving because it's hard on her to live here any more because of all the memories I don't know if I can handle losing both of them They are the only people that I genuinely look forward to seeing at work and I'm already down one of them Then a couple of weeks ago another of my friends who lives in a different state slid off the ice and is paralyzed from the waist down All of my closest friends live very far away I met them all online and have talked to them for over years Any one of them could die, and I may not even now I mean I doubt my mom would think to message them if I died I get really bad anxiety attacks when I haven't talked to them in a while I also think I may be falling in love with a girl who lives thousands of miles away I have talked to her literally every day since we were introduced It seems like she is the only person who can make me smile the only person who I can really talk to She s made me realize I never really cared about anyone in my past relationships I've never really connected with someone before I'm so confused about my feelings why someone so far away Neither of us wants a long distance relationship she s said if we lived closer than we'd probably be together She s told me she loves me I want it to work out want there to be a happy ending But she just feels so far out of my reach I struggle with anxiety and I'm scared to even try to go meet her I mean I have money to fly out I could probably figure out a way to take off from work and talk to my professors, so I don't miss anything important I don't really have an excuse other than I'm scared of being rejected I'm super upset with myself as a person I've never made friends because I'm awkward I just get super anxious and don't know how to talk to people I m and still don't have my license because I'm too scared to drive or to go take the test I'm overweight doctor told me to lose pounds I just don't even know how to start I have no way to get to the gym my mom always backs out And I have no idea what to even do when I'm there what weights to lift etc. I'm too anxiety ridden to ask anyone or get help I'm not very well-endowed below the belt I m terrified of any sexual situation because I'm worried that it'll just be embarrassing I've only kissed a couple of people even and it wasn't very passionate kissing I feel overwhelmed trying to figure out getting through school and work and dealing with all my emotions at the same time I feel like just dropping out and quitting and lying around doing nothing My dad died when I was and I've never had a father figure in my life My stepdad never really tried always seemed like he loved his children so much more than me and my siblings My mom made me do Boy Scouts because my dad was passionate about it, I hated having to go Everyone else had their dads and always enjoyed it and bonded with them, and I was all alone I asked my brother to start coming with me in the grade, so I'd have someone but he just ended up becoming friends with my scoutmaster and got a job working for him and stopped coming I made it to life scout only needed a few badges and my eagle project to be done, but it was too painful My mom finally said I could quit sophomore year but now I regret never finishing I feel like I failed my dad would be disappointed I know my dads family is disappointed in me, They always said they thought I'd be a lawyer like my dad, and they don't understand why I want to go into computer programming I was bullied from the grade on About my weight about my height about how I was a nerd I was weird I was a loner it goes on and on How can I ever be confident in myself when I've been told for the past years of my life how trash I am Someone who was my best friend in ND grade and I still thought was a close friend bashed my head against a bus window and threw my glasses across the bus I don't even remember what I said to set him off but I didn't fight back I deserved it anyway I'm worthless If that's the closest thing I can get to a friend than how fucking awful am I The first time I tried to kill myself was in the grade my first serious girlfriend cheated on me with my best friend That on top of the bullying was too much I fucked up tho and then a couple of my friends told the school counselors I guess they thought they got me over it because I only had to go to them for a while In the grade I was going to do it again after my friend bashed my head into the window but a couple of my online friends talked me out of it I only have friend left from high school Everyone else is online and my family has always made me feel like they don't count They ask why I don't go out and get some real friends I don't feel like I can really completely talk to anyone I'm always scared of what they'll think of me I can't handle all of this stuff it just keeps piling up People tell me it'll get better but it s been years now, and it just gets worse I want to kill myself and all I can manage right now is to try to avoid going near anything that would make it too easy because I'm not sure if I can trust myself I want a happy ending but I'm getting close to just settling for AN ending please help me I don't know what to do |
French | Je suis à la fin absolue Je suis embarrassé Je suis et j'ai été juste face à cela depuis que j'étais ou si Ma vie entière a vraiment été une chose horrible après l'autre J'ai grandi dans une maison vraiment horrible avec beaucoup d'abus émotionnels Toute ma famille sont des toxicomanes J'ai un trouble de la personnalité limite et je suis appelé ce que je veux être fou horrible. |
French | Le docteur recommande que j'aille à la clinique psychiatrique d'urgence a parlé à mon PCP de mes pensées suicidaires récentes, et il m'a recommandé d'aller à une clinique d'urgence. Les pensées viennent, mais c'est devenu une chose quotidienne où je veux le faire. Je suis sans emploi. Ma relation est vraiment difficile maintenant parce que j'ai abandonné un programme à cause de mon anxiété et mes parents sont très endettés à propos de k. |
French | Je suis tellement laid que je veux me tuer juste pris une photo de mon profil latéral et presque éclaté en larmes à cause de la façon dont dégoûtant je suis si hideux putain, et je ne peux pas le supporter plus Aucun gars ne voudrait quelqu'un d'aussi dégoûtant que moi comme une petite amie personne ne veut être amis avec un perdant dégoûtant comme moi, je me sentais bien il y a deux heures, et maintenant je veux sauter d'une falaise |
French | Je vais être enterré Ce n'est pas dans un compte jetable Mais c'est ok Je vais abandonner La seule raison pour laquelle je suis ici est que les gens comprennent que je suis juste une fille bratty de la ville Un gaspillage d'espace Un autre rêveur qui a été écrasé Tout ce que je suis trop jeune Je sais que je suis trop jeune pour ça Mais le seul sexe que j'ai été inutile Tout ce que j'ai été fou J'ai été fou |
French | Je ne suis pas si fatiguée Je ne veux plus continuer |
English | I fucking hate my family hate the fact that my parents were super strict in raising me and breathe down my neck constantly As if it isn't embarrassing enough being years old living with my family still haven't finished college and don't have a license My mother worries about EVERY LITTLE THING and it has caused me to have severe anxiety and I cannot complete simple tasks without having a panic attack I struggle to have any kind of relationship to the point where I just gave up doing that, so I just focus on school and working while I spend all my free time on my phone wasting away I fucking hate that they brought me into this world full of suffering where I cannot be taken seriously by anyone and will always be inferior compared to someone else I don't want therapy I don't want drugs I am sick and fucking terrified of the half-assed condescending bullshit phrases that people say like It gets better No it's fucking doesn't, and it never will so what is the point If you are not fully equipped mentally to have children do society a favor and don't fucking breed |
English | It's too late to change anything try my hardest every day and it's still not good enough for anybody My girlfriend argues with me when I'm suicidal my one and only friend takes me as a joke and my parents were never there for me emotionally I fucked my life up too much there is no coming back from it, I have nobody left and I fucking hate being alive I want to end it already |
French | J'ai pensé à le faire pendant deux mois, je ne vais pas plonger dans l'histoire, mais si vous pensez que je peux regarder mon histoire, j'ai chassé une fille que je voyais parce que je l'ai menacée de suicide, je ne l'ai pas appelée, je l'ai appelée, je l'ai appelée, je l'ai vue, je l'ai vue, je l'ai vue, je ne l'ai pas vue. |
French | Je suis inquiet que quand mes passes de chat je vais céder et aller j'ai mon chat Sassy pendant des années et depuis que je suis seulement elle est la chose la plus constante dans ma vie, je suis conscient qu'elle ne vivra pas éternellement, et j'ai de mauvais problèmes d'auto-mutilation et toujours envie d'y mettre fin, mais pas parce que je sais que ma petite fille serait à la recherche de moi à l'heure du coucher. |
English | I m just tired of everything have been struggling for almost five years now to make things better, and they never get there They always seem like they might getter better but then the other shoe drops, and it all goes to crap again I keep getting screwed over and hurt, and I don't know why I bother to keep trying any more It never goes right It never works There's never enough money for me to live I either have to choose between gas for my car or groceries so I can eat I barely make rent most of the time I'm drowning in debt This week I can't even afford to refill my medication which means I'm going to get hit with withdrawals which means I won't be able to drive to work, so I won't be making any money anyway Everything s just a downhill drain and it never ever ever gets better I'm stressed and I'm not sleeping right, and I keep screwing things up I have told myself over and over and over again that if I just keep trying things will improve But they DON'T I've been trying for FIVE YEARS So why bother anymore If anything good happens I'm always bracing for impact waiting for the bad thing to come along and yank the rug out from under me And it ALWAYS comes Been four years since I made my last pathetic attempt to kill myself But there are times like right now where I really just want to hang myself Or pull knife out of the kitchen Because why bother This isn't living This world s burning and will probably be a nuclear wasteland in a few years anyway Humans suck and I hate them I don't like myself or my life and I don't see what kind of good I do anyone anyway I want to go back to therapy but haha I can't afford to I m terrified of ending up in a psychiatric unit even though half the time I think that's where I belong Everything is so stupid and miserable, and I don't want to be on this stupid planet any more Logically I know it would hurt people if I killed myself And I don't want to do that All I've ever wanted to do in my life is entertained people and make them smile But how the hell am I supposed to do that when I can barely find a reason to smile myself I'm going to try and sleep for a few hours because I actually have to go to work tomorrow morning so please don't be alarmed if I don't respond to comments right away I'm not trying anything tonight I'm too much of a coward But this is a bad night a bad bad night that I just want to make everything stop to make everything go away It's a night where I really feel like I'd be better off dead I hate it here So why should I bother staying |
French | La tentative récente a échoué a été admise la semaine dernière pour une tentative de suicide bières et Xanax m'a fait perdre conscience que j'ai été libéré vendredi dernier et je pense que même si je me suis abstenu de l'alcool et en essayant de prendre soin de moi, je continue à faire du vélo autour et se sentir comme je devrais me tuer, j'ai beaucoup de culpabilité et je trouve très difficile de me pardonner quand je sens que j'ai échoué. |
English | Can't stop thinking about killing myself It is starting to turn into something I think about all the time I always think about killing myself and suicide My life right now is horrible and has been for a very long time I am only but I honestly don't have anything to live for I have no friends despite trying my best to make friends this year I also have no job and never had a job in my life I also think I might be seriously mentally ill plus I have depression I am seeing a therapist who isn't that helpful I really think I will kill myself within a few years If things don't get better I can't see myself living anymore |
English | I really believe that one day I will die by my own hand The thing is I've never wanted to die I accept that death is an inevitable part of life And I also don't struggle with depression or mental illness My default is to wake up happy But I went through a lot of abuse as a child and I thought that one day I'd have a husband and a family and it d all be worth it But I don't and it's not worth it All the shit I endured telling myself one day I'd have my reward and live well and if tween me knew that I'd end up like this at age I would ve killed myself then and saved myself the trouble I think it all began with my conception my mother was having an affair with a married man and he didn't want me He told her to have an abortion but she didn't I really think that's where it all went wrong for me My existence was just a cosmic mistake and all my life the cosmos has been trying to tell me that I'm not wanted here I wasn't supposed to be born and even my biological father didn't want me I was a mistake It was all a mistake I've been trying wholeheartedly since I was years old to find someone who would love me and want to be with me, I had a handful of long term relationships a couple amicable breakups and lot of misery I was lied to abused exploited Men don't see me as a viable relationship prospect I think maybe because I'm not supper pretty I think most of my face is good but my mouth is kind of ugly not my teeth they're good I have an ugly smile ugly lips ugly chin Thin lank hair and a slightly crooked nose those things I think I could deal with but my lack of prettiness is just a killer Men look at me and think yeah she's smart and nice and all that but I can find a prettier one I'm never the first choice and even the men who did date me long term I think they were all holding out for something better to come along I was just okay so they wouldn't be lonely No one has ever wanted to marry me My friends don't understand this my friend Jimmie has been married twice I tried to explain to him look a minimum of TWO people have wanted to marry you Not one person has ever wanted to marry me Not a single one No one has ever wished to marry me and have kids with me, I've considered getting a sperm donor but the thought sends me into total despair It's my standards for myself I wouldn't look down on another woman for growing her family this way but in my mind it means I'm so unwanted there is officially no hope of me finding a man who would want a child with me And how can I perpetuate yet another generation to living without a father How could I ever look at them in the eyes knowing I condemned them to this And what if I pass on my own unattractiveness and doom them to my fate Lots of people never meet anyone Lots of people age and die without ever finding anyone So the pat answers people give oh there's someone out there for you, you'll meet someone just ring false You can't know that I have tried my hardest for years and I have not even the tiniest indication there is anyone for me, I even tried dating men substantially less attractive than I would ve liked they treated me worse than the others It's so hard to talk about this My friends just want me to be happy again and stop bringing this negativity to them, I end up calling suicide hotlines every few months when I'm having a total breakdown I tried a texting hotline, and I am sure that it was a bot talking to me Certainly seemed like a bot I'm tired of the self-improvement stuff I've done all that I got an education I lived abroad I've volunteered most of my adult life I have friends I have hobbies all of it seems like noise to cover up how crushingly empty my life is Yes my friends would be devastated if I did this At least some of them would be But if my best friend was eaten alive with cancer and she wanted to end her misery I'd completely understand I'd be sad about it till the day I died but I'd understand So why must I continue to grow older and Haggai to keep them from the pain of my death I really think I'll limp along for a few more years till all hope of having children is gone and then hang myself |
English | How much Prozac does it take to off yourself Okay let s say this is a hypothetical situation for obvious reasons In this hypothetical how many mg capsules of Prozac fluoxetine would someone who weighs lbs have to take to ensure death I'm not worried about if it'll be painful or know me out I just want a number and the odds of it killing me I assume a nearly full bottle would be enough To give you a little extra information I m in my late teens and have a semi high tolerance for antidepressants and drugs in general |
French | Je veux mettre fin à ma vie d'ici mars Je vis une vie sans signification et sans but depuis des années J'ai maintenant atteint le point de saturation J'ai tout essayé pour m'intéresser à la vie mais chaque effort s'est évanoui avec le temps Je trouve tout ennuyeux Je reste silencieux devant des gens Je n'ai rien à dire Je travaille inutile Je reviens à la vie Je n'ai aucune vie et aucun intérêt pour quoi que ce soit Je continue à vivre |
English | I feel like the only good thing in my life seems to be going to shit In October I got out of an abusive relationship I escaped with no physical injuries, but I have PTSD stress induced chronic illnesses and likely have trauma induced schizophrenia I've been with my current boyfriend since the end of November and that relationship is basically the only thing that's keeping me going but recently my boyfriends been really selfish and refusing to talk about problems we have I'm on the verge of just giving up I've not self harmed since March but it's getting harder and harder not too I don't want my skin any more I want to walk away and just keep walking I don't care where KR what happens I just want to walk |
English | Descent into Madness As I look back into my life all I see is failure after failure one after another As a kid I fought all the time when you're the tiniest kid around you have to or you'll be getting picked on Regardless you still get picked on hell sometimes someone will literally rub cow shit in your overalls during shop class But regardless that's no reason to view life as a failure but a failure in society What I consider my first failure came to me when I got rejection letter after rejection letter from different schools in because my dumbass procrastinated in the submissions This lead me to joining the military in which my father said I was going to fail and in a way he was kind of right I joined the military and picked up drinking like a fish in water It got me into few legal issues but I got out honorably after years but since all I did was get in shape a drinking habit and didn't go into combat I don't see my time in as much of an accomplishment Some tell me it is maybe I should believe then Besides one of my biggest mistakes would come right after the military Three months after I got out I was working a shit job at a retail store when my brother convinced me to start school at fucking ITT tech Don't really need to tell you why that's a failure right Anyway I was too deep in when I realized I probably should quit ITT but ended up getting my associates degree and then transferring to an actual State University to continue studying There I found that my associates degree was as useful as a blank piece of paper I had to start over from square one This is what I called failure number three number two came a year before in the form of a DUI from that drinking habit I had picked up Failure number four would come a year after starting University via a totaled car Wrecking that car left me messed up Regardless though I quit my drinking for about months and then started back up and continued onto several incidents one on which I went off the road and almost totaled my car no drinking was involved the other I was drunk, so I let a friend drive my car because he didn't drink That resulted in a blown engine and a useless car This was failure number I buy a dollar truck to get me by while I get the money to fix the car, and then I realize I'm no good at the major I chose which leads to failure number I eventually did graduate years and two cars later one of which I've replaced the blown engine only to roll it over a year later some months after having surgery I call that failure number This is also the time when I'm not to sure if my drinking caused the wreck or if I tried to kill myself At this point I'm feeling like I couldn't do worse I now have a breathalyzer on a beat up truck and I'm seriously thinking of hanging myself Right after the wreck I tell my brother to go ahead and take my gun to the range and keep it at his house I can no longer trust myself with it and I cannot trust myself with alcohol Since that wreck I stop drinking and haven't touched a drop since that was months ago Failure number came via my failure to submit some forms resulting in a raise in my rent thus having to move At this point my depression has been officially diagnosed and I'm starting antidepressants, yet I'm still distracted with my mind somewhere else That's when I wrecked my truck and find out that my insurance had lapsed, and my license had been suspended At this point I'm only thinking of one thing That was ended it go into the freeway over and over I call my brother for help and I completely break down in his car Thoughts of me jumping out of it or stealing my gun from him kept running through my head Jumping into traffic or hanging myself somewhere seemed to be the theme all the way until February when I start a new job on which I basically had placed the little hope I had left I tried my best it seemed like I was going to succeed there and become a permanent employee Three weeks ago I go into a meeting and I m told that my numbers are just below average and they're going to extend my temp time but days later I get an email on Friday night telling me not to go into work my temp contract has ended and they've chosen not to hire me full time after all During all this depression was going on full swing Getting those news via email did not help at all I keep thinking those thoughts and now that I'm unemployed this seems to be taking a bigger toll than I expected The meds somewhat work but those thoughts are still there I will not follow through but I'm tied, and I need someone to know |