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English | Going to end it just need to commiserate a bit few drunken metaphors Imagine that you were holding a piece of say glass and someone accosted you and knocked it out of yours hands causing it to shatter but insisted thereafter that YOU piece it back together and when you d finally gotten close to restoring it the same person knocked it out again causing it to shatter into still smaller pieces This repeats again and again and each time you make less progress before this wretch s impatience compels him to knock it from your hands You stand in a desert with the totality of humanity circumscribing a circle about you rushing outward in search of verdant planes of abidance You re overcome with doubt as to which direction to head in and whether you'd be able to make it before becoming dehydrated that you fold over and scrunch up in the fetal position as you feel you mind body and emotions shutting down All your friends and family have left you behind in the dust never stopping to see what s become of you So much loneliness This poorly summarizes how I feel at the moment I lived as a hermit for eight years on account of my fear of others I have finally lost my shelter in addition to everything else I am currently couch-surfing with a man whom I spent all of those eight years pining for I am myself a male which I hesitate to admit because gay men are subhuman objects of ridicule hardly good for anything else as far as our fucking piece of shit culture is concerned I'll have to leave soon to face homeless since I have no way of getting a job In the meantime I am getting drunk every day to stave off the agonizing boredom and to ease the pain of living in a hostile environment with people who just want me to go away already What I am waiting for is my drugs to arrive in the mail which I intend to use to kill myself in combination with a noose I've already drilled the holes in the wall and purchased the ceiling hooks I've searched and searched for a rescuer for so many years seen so many therapists and psychiatrists secretly and foolishly hoping that one of them would understand how much suffering I was experiencing and liberate me from my hellish circumstances I don't need to tell you that nothing like that ever happened My body aches to behold the cruelty of people no one could possibly show me the degree of compassion sensitivity and love I need to even have a chance of overcoming this One popular idea of hell is that it s inclemency is such as to prevent it s denizens from knowing that one were in it to prevent them from hoping for better I often wonder whether that's where we are Why are people so cruel to one another I feel as if I could vomit It's too much to bear I don't understand the resistance to love and kindness |
French | Je suis un peu urgent J'ai des problèmes d'anxiété, et ils commencent surtout par être seul Comme maintenant je suis dans ma maison de grand-mère en ce moment Je suis dans la salle de bain Je suis évidemment suicidaire et déprimé ou je ne serais pas ici sur le Subreddit Mon copain et moi avons été arrêtés se battre ici, et nous étions en train de regarder le stand up sur mon téléphone. |
French | J'ai finalement réalisé pourquoi je n'ai jamais réussi à y mettre fin, je n'ai pas peur de la mort ou de ce qui peut ou ne peut pas venir après. a ne m'a jamais empêché d'essayer. a ne m'a jamais suffi. |
English | Suicide just seems logical for Bethe more I think about this the more resolute I become in my decision No future I'm a BS in Biology I'm applying for jobs at temp agencies but the only interviews I'm getting are from MLMs There are always menial jobs available but this just confirms to me that I will be paying off my debts through minimum wage jobs the rest of my life All these open opportunities that people talk about is bullshit There are none for me because I have no networking I have wasted the last eight years all for nothing and there is nothing ahead Settlement I refuse to settle for my future than for what I could have become But at this point how could I not settle I can't afford grad school It's still an unlikely climb for me to break into an M MBA program If I have to choose life and take in the bullshit that mental health professionals want to sell me then I have to forever live with the fact that I will always be lesser than what I could have been This isn't even pride I have to accept the fact that I settled for my future Lack of Mourning My brother is the most Stoic individual I met I honestly doubt my suicide will affect him Perhaps he will be angry that he is now financially responsible for my mother will be hit the hardest and it won't surprise me if she follows me I'm taking steps that this won't happen by leaving suicide loss groups for her to contact But I honestly think her death will be inevitable I was her meal ticket and once she hears I was expelled it will hit her incredibly hard She will be terribly affected either way and her life is bound to shorten regardless I don't have friends My deans never gave a shit about me No one will ultimately miss me except for my mother but honestly this is the best path forward Otherwise she'd forever be worried about my future trying to help me financially despite the fact that I am supposed to provide for her instead Debt cancellation Medical school is expensive and I took out a lot of loans Honestly I think I'm okay living with debt in perspective it's like owing a couple car payments And If I could get back into medical school and put myself in more debt I'd take it But the fact that my debts won't be transferred to my family and that they can keep the student loans I have taken out does help me pursue this decision Difficulty Suicide just seems so much easier to than life itself I understand it's cowardly but I have accepted the fact that I am one for various reasons and the label won't throw me off this path If my deans won't give me a second chance why would I I'm irredeemable at this point Poetry Perhaps the dumbest reason of all but in some ways I feel I'm destined to kill myself There are jokes among my dad s side of the family of a family curse since it's so much like Asian arrested development My great-grandfather was an orphan who became a self-made wealthy landowner and each generation since has gotten misfortune There's a joke about deadbeat sons in every family In my grandfather s that was my youngest uncle who killed himself His oldest brother was murdered but before that he had to beg his wife not to divorce him the widow later received a large life insurance payout she had nothing to do with the murder My dad s sister was hoodwinked into a marriage and now lives poorer than us by selling ginseng she collects with her family on the countryside And it seems fitting for me to end my life this way too with nowhere else to go |
English | I need someone to talk to please |
French | Ma vie est en danger Je sens qu'il n'y a pas d'autre choix aimerait parler à quelqu'un dans le chat Salut aimerait parler à quelqu'un dans le chat Reddit en ce moment Je suis tellement foutu et je ne peux pas penser Aide s'il vous plaît merci |
French | Quelqu'un ici pense souvent au fait qu'un jour tu mourras Est-ce normal Parfois, j'y pense, mais généralement quand je vais me coucher, je pense à ce que c'est que mourir C'est un sentiment accablant que je reconnais le fait qu'un jour je mourrai et je ne vivrai plus jamais je mourrai je ne verrai plus rien d'autre que je ne pourrai plus vivre ici et le monde continuera pour qui sait combien de temps. |
English | I'm so exhausted don't know how much longer I can do this I'm so tired I'm so lonely I wish I would have died with my son |
French | S'il vous plaît laissez-moi dormir souhaite que je pourrais me suicider Peut-être que c'est juste parce que je suis somnolent ou parce que je viens de terminer mon septième voyage psych ward j'ai les outils nécessaires dans mon panier Amazon et je ne suis pas sûr de ce qui m'empêche de commander je suis tellement fatigué de me sentir engourdi je suis tellement fatigué de la routine psychiatre thérapeute Peu importe combien de fois les amis me supplient de venir à eux, je me sens toujours terrible ennuyeux avec ma douleur. |
French | Retour à la vie Il est un peu étrange de poster ici encore une fois, je suis ici pour signaler que j'ai échoué dur sur commettre le suicide Kinda drôle pire si vous me demandez Eh bien, je pensais que ma vie serait mieux après avoir visité une clinique l'année dernière qui a fini par être plus dépressif et plus auto-détestable l'année dernière j'ai eu assez j'étais très instable et mon bf m'a quitté |
French | Adieu poster cela sur mon compte principal, car cela n'a plus d'importance, je suis déprimé depuis plus d'années, je prévois le suicide depuis des années maintenant et aujourd'hui, c'est le jour où je saute de mon balcon et termine tout, j'espère que chacun d'entre vous a une grande vie et ne finit jamais comme moi. |
English | Really struggling feel like I would be better off if i wasn't here I feel like I have lost myself and that I am slowly losing everyone around me, I suffer from long term health issues which have started to affect my mind memory and creativity negatively I feel like I am shutting down I don't know what to do |
French | Le futur me terrifie, ne pense pas que je suis prêt à tout laisser derrière moi, mais le temps de continuer approche tout ce qui était autrefois si normal que je survivrai vraiment à cela. |
French | Ce trou rongeant dans mon cœur ne disparaîtra pas et personne ne se soucie de moi, je suis complètement et totalement seul. |
French | Jeune Je suis un junior au lycée au moment où j'ai fait ce compte spécifiquement pour faire ce post Désolé si le formatage est bizarre C'est ma première fois poster sur Reddit et je le fais à partir de mon téléphone Je pense constamment à me tuer Je flotte à travers mes cours prendre des notes de ce que je dois faire quand je rentre à la maison en sachant que je ne vais pas le faire de toute façon Je passe des heures à dormir |
French | Coincé même y je poste ne peut même pas expliquer ce que je suis allé jeté et maintenant tout perdu j'ai moins je suis perdu le gov tout pris et je suis à ma fin je ne sais pas comment vivre je moins j'ai été juste traité une mauvaise main |
English | Finally Finally At this moment My heart will no longer race My mind will no longer analyze My hands will no longer fidget My body will no longer feel At this moment I will be at peace I will be happy I will be warm I will be free At this moment I can rest Finally |
English | Arson suicide Disclaimer I have no intention to harm myself or others The house my father died in is full of skeletons Maybe the house killed him the stress and anxiety of facing homelessness was more than he could take The debt was insurmountable The disturbing instinct I have is to douse the unoccupied foreclosure home in gasoline and die on the spacious property with everything in it There is nothing left to lose anymore The bank robbed my father of the home he worked so hard for Why should these institutions be rewarded for their lethal greed with anything more than ash and rubble |
French | null |
English | I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE just can't take it anymore I have found a month ago that all my friends talk shit about me behind my back I am super shy and don't have the courage to meet new people Every girl I every tried to hook up with not many just has rejected me badly saying that I am super fat even though I am tall and kg After that most of them proceeded to say shit to other kids at school about me like I am an asshole I was too direct and other pervert bullshit even though I didn't even try to do anything Now nobody wants to hang around me at school and I can't talk to anyone about my problems Furthermore one of the girls I tried to go out was the school therapist s daughter who is a feminist bitch and believes that all guys are assholes including me because of some of her exes When I went to her and explained what has happened and requested help she told me that I was just another guy threw me out saying I wish you fucking die you piece of shit This has really hurt my self-esteem I wanted to become a computer scientist and create awesome video games as they are the only ones keeping me company My parents always yell at me for not having friends but when I try to open up they mock me I don't know what to do any more I think I will do it today or tomorrow I don't fucking know shit |
English | This time is different Usually I fantasize about it on terrible days, but it never feels like I can do it but this time is different This time it feels right I feel so at home with the idea I think I've finally crossed the line and I don't think there is going back I'm going to kill myself and it feels right |
English | I think it's my time to go I m in my first semester of college I told my mom that I didn't want to go to school yet because I turned in August and I really just wanted to take some time off, but she forced me into school and now I've failed every class I'm in She's going to be so mad when she finds out, and I honestly don't think there is any other option than killing myself I'm so fucking stressed RN I can't even think |
French | null |
English | I don't want to be here I don't want to live any more I haven't since I was and now I m Everyone made it seem like things would get better once I was sober or on anti depressants but nothing helped Not alcohol SSRI Benz or marijuana I just don't want to live I have a great boyfriend and a mom who couldn't live without me, I have a couple of friends However I still want to purchase a pistol and end it I feel guilty still because I got a DUI at and even though I didn't crash or hurt someone I just feel like I can't redeem myself I quit drinking successfully completed probation I have a chance to have it removed from my record next year, but I don't want to because it deserves to be there At I watched my stepdad die in the house and had to help my mom clean all the shit and blood up and honestly since then things have just been awful I loved him so much, and he was my dad My real dad has colon cancer and won't get help for it even though he's bleeding every day but reminds me of everything month that I'll probably end up with it to He also drinks every day and doesn't gives fuck to get better This isn't really for anyone to read I just needed a place to rant and somewhere safe to say I just want to end it I don't want to live, and I just want to be gone For good |
English | I'm ready please let this work I want to go Please |
English | Is this the right place for this Not sure I m sunk I stink Basically In the last year I have lost my wife to a battle with cancer fought for custody of my stepchildren learned I will likely lose custody due to the fact that bio dad has well bio on his side started dating someone about weeks after my wife passed I was so lonely moved her in after about six months upsetting my children well not really but bio dad used it as ammo learned she wasn't really as adult as I thought she was she needs to get a job stop living off of others etc. went to a party at a casino where the GF was making out with another girl all drunk and the other girl now says I was inappropriate with her no not sex just touched her leg compounding this was that I let them all stay at my house the GF and her new friend because everyone was too drunk to drive so it's a word against mine thing and while nobody has told me I m in law trouble I just feel like shit visited a lot of strip clubs forgot to go to jury duty because of my wife passing got a walk in letter so I can well walk in and then promptly have forgotten all about that until recently going to call on that today though so yay felt like the GF is more focused on physical stuff shoes etc. than I am and it is hurting our budget because she does not work I used to be going to church Was an extraordinary Eucharistic minister Now I'm angry at God At life At people who I felt were on my side My fire department of which I am a member has been annoyed with my grieving methods too About a year before my wife passed a man jumped to his death off of the roof of our church landing right where we took some pictures after we got married I was called to the scene to provide a ladder truck, so the police could take pics and get on the roof etc. I'm still angry at that too I m I need a reboot a reset and assurance that I'm not going to get arrested for touching someone s leg while they made out with my GF not going to lose my job not going to lose my kids and can regain my faith and enjoyment of life I don't have a sanctuary any more I'm lost So lost |
French | Je ne peux pas trouver d'espoir ou de raison de rester ici à un niveau individuel Je vis avec le poids d'un horrible traumatisme Je sais que je ne me remettrai jamais d'un problème significatif Au sommet de ma vie adulte, j'ai l'impression d'être victime de nouveau et de nouveau innombrables. |
French | J'ai essayé une ceinture qui a été un fardeau financier pour ma famille pendant trop longtemps, je tâtonne quand je dois demander de l'aide, oui, mon psychologue vient de l'appeler rampant et je veux soulager le fardeau ainsi que blesser mon psychologue en me tuant, j'ai trouvé un bon endroit à l'extérieur et j'ai une ceinture que je peux me pendre avec Aller jusqu'à ce que mon mari est endormi et le faire ce soir. |
English | Going to kill myself tonight just can't take it anymore It s one thing after another and another and another Life is too hard, and I just want it to finally end I can't do this any more it's too much I'm not strong enough Goodbye |
English | Feeling useless and suicidal after doing something good Today was supposed to be a wonderful day I got my driving license on my first try thanks to all the effort and support received from my loved ones I felt so overwhelmed with joy that it felt like I could explode But the feeling lasted very few hours I'd say minutes I feel empty I just want to cry and die Even though I surpassed all my expectations with the driving issue it feels like that was just what I was supposed to do and anything less than would be shameful this meaning there was no reason to be happy to begin with I think that all this time I was just trying to suppress these feelings only to achieve what I was supposed to and now there's nothing to do I stopped talking with so many people only to stay focused This feels so much like a relapse but this time it's going full speed Feels as if I wanted to postpone my suicide using the driving subject as an excuse |
French | Coloradokilling moi-même bientôt si quelqu'un a des opiacés ou IDK veut aussi se tuer et veut faire paraître bizarre que possible laissez-moi savoir que nous pourrions mourir simultanément en portant des costumes de hérisson sonique côte à côte et tout le monde sera comme mais ils ne se connaissaient même pas pourrait être drôle pour quelqu'un |
English | Is it weird that I want to kill myself because my teeth are ugly My teeth are really yellow and have gross stains all over them one tooth is really gray I feel like I can't smile anymore because people will just see how gross and ugly my teeth are |
English | Lady Lazarus By Sylvia Plath I have done it again One year in every ten I manage it A sort of walking miracle my skin Bright as a Nazi lampshade My right foot A paperweight My face a featureless fine Jew linen Peel off the napkin O my enemy Do I terrify The nose the eye pits the full set of teeth The sour breath Will vanish in a day Soon soon the flesh The grave cave ate will be At home on me And I am smiling woman I am only thirty And like the cat I have nine times to die This is Number Three What a trash To annihilate each decade What a million filaments The peanut crunching crowd Shoves in to see Them unwrap me hand and foot The big strip tease Gentlemen ladies These are my hands My knees I may be skin and bone Nevertheless I am the same identical woman The first time it happened I was ten It was an accident The second time I meant To last it out and not come back at all I rocked shut As a seashell They had to call and call And pick the worms off me like sticky pearls Dying Is an art like everything else I do it exceptionally well I do it so it feels like hell I do it so it feels real I guess you could say I've a call It's easy enough to do it in a cell It's easy enough to do it and stay put It's the theatrical Comeback in broad day To the same place the same face the same brute Amused shout A miracle That knocks me out There is a charge For the eyeing of my scars there is a charge For the hearing of my heart It really goes And there is a charge a very large charge For a word or a touch Or a bit of blood Or a piece of my hair or my clothes So so Herr Doctor So Herr Enemy I am your opus I am your valuable The pure gold baby That melts to a shriek I turn and burn Do not think I underestimate your great concern Ash ash You poke, and stir Flesh bone there is nothing there A cake of soap A wedding ring A gold filling Herr God Herr Lucifer Beware Beware of of the ash I rise with my red hair And I eat men like air |
English | I don't want to live anymore can't do this any more I want to die I've wanted to die for the last years, but I think I'm finally going to bring myself to do it Too lazy to explain everything so here's my letter I love you Sarah I have so much love for you and I'm not sure how to show you I messed up all of last year and I can't apologize enough After talking to you for a week last year I told Marcus that I wanted to marry you It seems kinda silly but I really meant it even though you weren't giving me the light of day back then Thank you, Sarah thank you for loving me when I never loved myself Thank you for putting up with me, You are the best thing that s happened to me and I can't thank you enough It s been months so it's probably time for me to move on But I can't I keep coming back to you but I'm scared I'm going to hurt you so I back away and that just ends up hurting you I'm not going to hurt you anymore The last years have been really rough Every day is a struggle to get out of bed a struggle to live I honestly don't even know who I am anymore A stupid image of someone I wish I was but I can only pretend It s been a long year and I don't know what to do any more They say time heals everything but I would ve thought years should ve been more than enough There have been some good points tho You You saved me when I was at my deepest You came in like a superhero and saved me when alone about to die You loved me when I didn't deserve to be loved so I'm sorry all of that is going to waste now If I were to describe the world in one word it would probably be cold Everything seems gray and I have no idea what I'm even doing When you're little you always say I'm so excited to grow up but I wish I could be a kid again Maybe I will be now There was a time when I never thought I would live to see but here I am Now I'm not sure I'll be alive in a year I don't think I have a future anymore nor do I want one You said you wanted to stop talking because it wasn't healthy, and I understand it The only thing that's worse than losing someone you loved is losing a friend I guess I thought that we would still be friends when we broke up but that's obviously not the case Every time I've been close to killing myself I would stop myself because I know it would put you in pain I know I promised you years together but I don't think I can keep that promise any more We made a lot of promises to each other the last year and I don't think I'll be able to hold up my end of things I'm sorry I don't want you to cry or be sad Instead try to be happy because I'm going to be happier now Maybe I go to hell or perhaps get a redo at life but whatever happens can't be worse than my life right now I don't want anyone to blame themselves and I don't blame anyone It's my decision and my decision alone I just want everyone to stay happy or be happier I'm not there to be a burden or annoy anyone any more I won't be there to make you sad and I won't be there to get in your way any more I love you so much Sarah Thank you for making my life better even if it was just for a little bit |
French | Mes amis un par un se sentir déprimé et même devenir suicidaire Il est devenu commun pour moi que mon ami m'a dit qu'il voulait mettre fin à leur vie et je ne pouvais rien faire, mais juste écouter leur chagrin La partie de moi était comme oui la vie suce et s'ils ont pensé à fond je n'ai pas le droit de les arrêter si je le fais alors je suis un égoïste qui veut seulement qu'ils vivent douloureusement |
French | null |
English | For the first time in my life suicide feels not like a possibility but an inevitability feel like I'm slowly but surely sinking towards rock bottom I went to film school and got a degree, and it has done exactly dick for me, I've done numerous internships all unpaid and despite my employer s claims that they would help me get a job with the industry they have either said they were too busy to help me or they outright refused to answer my phone calls All of my classmates have gone off to do things in the industry even winning awards I work at a café making coffee for people I can't stand or bartending My body and mind are exhausted by the crazy hours I work I am slowly realizing that I am a complete failure at life and even though I've half-heartedly looked at different avenues like being a flight attendant or something I know now that I will never achieve what I always wanted to do, and I will have to settle for being a fucking loser waiting hand and foot on assholes who are living their dreams Currently I lack the strength and constitution for suicide but I know now that it is only a matter of time before I gain the courage to slit my wrists in the bathtub I want to die because at least in death I don't have to be aware of the fact that I am a complete and total failure |
French | Je suis un pervers s'il vous plaît juste me tuer m et je suis un monstre perverti je suis bizarre je suis étrange je suis peu attrayant je suis juste désespéré je veux honnêtement juste mourir à ce stade, mais je ne peux pas me tuer |
French | Je suis esclave de mon propre système, je suis esclave d'un système que je vis tous les jours avec la dépression et j'essaie de m'améliorer et de le surmonter est une boucle sans fin d'essayer d'échouer. Puis quand j'en ai assez, et j'essaie de mettre fin soudainement à une vie où la société ferme les yeux sur la santé mentale et n'offre aucune aide en dehors d'eux. |
French | Quand les gens vous appellent égoïste Ils vous appellent égoïste pour vouloir vous tuer parce que vous ne considérez pas les sentiments des autres quand vous le faites Ils veulent que vous viviez parce que sinon cela ne les blesserait pas. |
French | Ok, j'ai fait aucun ami n'a jamais eu d'anxiété sociale de relation toute ma vie rend à la fois impossible apparemment le travail, je ne déteste aucun degré, aucune motivation, aucun passe-temps, je n'aime plus, sauf la randonnée et la course, ce qui serait beaucoup plus amusant avec les autres de temps en temps, je suis sobre, je ne veux plus travailler, je ne veux pas essayer différents médicaments ou différents thérapeutes, je ne peux pas continuer comme ça. |
English | I HATE myself and no one can change that I hate myself and no one can change that I hate the way I look I hate my voice I hate my laugh I hate that I rely on weed to make me feel alive I hate my hands I hate my feet I hate my skin I hate my scars and the fact that I cut I hate that people love me I hate that people compliment me I hate that people kiss me I hate everyone who tried to help me because I can't me helped I hate the fact that I hate myself There is no amount of compliments or validation from others that can make me feel any different I need validation from my self and I will never get that so what's the point of going on if I can't even help myself |
English | Is nobody really going to help me Nobody responded to my last post on here I feel so worthless and lost I feel so much worse than I did before Life is so fucking meaningless I'm going to just die one of these days |
French | null |
English | I don't where to go from here I try to be kind to people and talk to them asking them about their days how they redoing and the like but people don't seem interested in talking to me, I ask people if they want to do something like play a game or just some goofy conversation or something but they always say no or that they're busy It s been kind of bad with my best friend as of late too Whenever I try to talk to him about playing together when he gets back from his trip he either doesn't respond or completely changes the subject Yet I see him making plans to play a ton of games with other people right smack in the middle of the messaging group Why is someone who's supposed to be my best friend avoiding me so much Trying to talk to him about any of this doesn't work either it's I'm not avoiding you not everything needs to be a conversation And when I m in a bad mood because I apparently don't have any fucking friends and try to talk about it All I get are the same people who said I could talk to them about it telling me to get over it that I'm just a stupid kid or that I'm only doing for attention All my real life friends moved away except for one and he's too busy to hang out anymore And it's not like my parents are any help with any of this either I get screamed at for doing so much as breathing wrong So I don't know I honestly wish I was dead most of the time but for some fucking reason I can never go through with it Despite the fact that there's absolutely no reason for me to be around anymore I wish my fucking brother was here instead y know I still don't fucking understand why he had to die but not me So I'd like to say that you'll never see me again and be all dramatic and conclusive but we both know I'm just going to come crawling back But evidently enough nobody needs me Nobody actually fucking cares So what if I'm better than this All I ever get for advice is life s worth living you have to keep going it'll get better or try being nice to people you'll get it back But that never fucking happens Even if I lift weights until my fucking arms fall or run until I can't feel my legs that doesn't mean anything if I don't have anyone I've improved so much I proved everyone who ever doubted me wrong Despite the fact that I've been trying to kill myself for the past year I still got in significantly better physical shape and got an in school I only missed a single day the entire year I used to miss weeks of school My score on the English for the ACT was in the top of the entire fucking country I always get compliments from the community for my videos when I sing at concerts when I play in band I fucking had a crowd of people circling me at prom chanting my name to the beat of my favorite song while I had a dance battle with someone else My life is fucking great But it doesn't mean anything It doesn't mean anything if I don't have anyone else And why despite how much I try No one wants me People say they care but I see them when I'm not around They're happier more open they talk more They make plans they hang out Yet my plans always fall through I know I'm strong I know I'm the person I always looked up to when I wanted to be better The reason I can't even go through it is because there's always a voice inside telling me about all of that and that no matter how much it hurts I'm better than that I know all of that But I don't want to be alone I've already done everything I dreamed of and more but I just want friends That's all I really want Even if I tried talking to everyone about this or tried to explain how I feel it wouldn't work It'd just be brushed off as another outburst You understand my situation right There's nothing I can do I don't want to kill myself but as of late it's the only thing I can think about I have dreams about it, I could be sitting at my desk then suddenly get the urge to slice my wrists open For whatever reason whenever I listen to this song I feel at peace HTTPS WWW YouTube com watch v oil BJS It's like accepting everything and knowing that nothing s going to get any better is a peaceful feeling I wish I could let everything go and end it but I can't The fact that I'm posting this on Reddit shows how bad things are So I don't know It's probably not even going to get any fucking views with how these type of things normally work Sorry about the formatting |
French | Peu importe ce que je fais, je ne peux tout simplement pas avoir de traction dans la vie, donc cela laisse une solution que je n'ai jamais postée ici avant de savoir que ce sous-marin existait jusqu'à il y a quatre minutes, je suis fatigué, battu, sans vie, j'ai une main presque parfaite dans la vie. |
English | Considering suicide trans and will never have the body that I want I feel so trapped Of course i don't WANT to die but like my only options are to live and be miserable with myself or finally be free from all this shit The latter sounds way better really |
English | Today was my twentieth birthday and I know I won't live to see my thirtieth The following post is going to be a compilation of petulant unimportant first word problems whining in the form of incoherent and hyperbolic rambling So if you want to help someone with actual issues this is your Que to leave I won't even blame you Because why wouldn't you Nothing about me is the least bit likeable memorable or even fucking worthwhile Everything about my existence has been nothing but one giant mistake that should never have been made in the first place I know the truth about myself I see it when strangers or people I know look at me because it's everything I see when I look in the mirror I see the worthless useless creature looking back at me in the mirror I have absolutely no worth or value whatsoever Every time I look in the mirror I only see a creature who is an absolute waste An ill made spiteful indolent insolent talentless waste of space I tried for so long to pretend to be otherwise but this is the truth of who I am someone devoid of anything the least bit unique or worthwhile and the few semi good aspects about me are already present in every other person on the earth so they barely merit mentioning All I am is a lazy greedy spiteful toxic waste of space with a complete lack of actual humanity And the worst part is that I know I can never change That no matter what tiny minuscule changes I could possibly make I will be the same sad void of emptiness that I always have been because I am too fixed with the abomination I am to change After all what have I actually got to live for Friends I can't make friends I have never been capable of making friends I used to think that I could once I used to have people I hung around with and thought I got along with in High School but after that After they had no obligation to pay attention to me and no one else had any obligation to be around me either I found what easily disposable trash I am and why shouldn't I have discovered that eventually Aside from being a thoroughly uncharismatic and unlikeable bore I m such a naturally vile and toxic person that any person who has spent an extended period of time with me is able to tell that I am not worth their time or trouble by any means I don't at all blame the people I used to hang around with for deserting me they were good people but no one in their right mind would ever want to be around me, I was just never good enough for them The only exception is one online friend but when she does talk to me on sporadic occasions she only does so out of pity And I can never get better than that Family The extended branches of my family couldn't care less if I live or die I know my uncle thought there was something wrong with me from the time I was two though he turned out to be correct, and my aunt would put on false smiles when I was around to cover up the fact that I was the most annoying person she had ever seen And then there's my grandfather who actively despises me though he tries to cover that up to That was the hardest He was someone I always respected and loved and to hear the things that he thought of me broke me Of course it also helped me see the truth of who I am much clearer This is all borne out in the fact that they never ever voluntarily talk to me because why would they Why would they want to even acknowledge the lazy dull emotionless disappointment of a human being that he is who does nothing with his worthless empty meaningless life They must wonder exactly what it is they did to be cursed with relation to such a mongrel And my parents Though I am the abortion she should have had my mum does at least have the capacity to pretend that I'm just autistic and not the worst mistake to have ever happened to her But my dad Well I'm almost certain he's not my biological father making me a bastard in every sense of the word but he's never felt shy at expressing how disgusted he is with me criticizing my every act every tiny mistake in lectures that last up to an hour long regaling every problem he has with the loser that his son is Though even these stopped recently He gave up even trying to get me to improve I don't blame him everyone around him is testament to what a stand-up guy he is and how naturally likeable he is to so many people and what a disappointment I am in return I know he wishes that his nephew was in my place He'll always be more proud of him than me, I see this every time they look at me every time I fuck up in some way Because the only because I've ever had to make them proud are good grades and then they can overhype it like it's the greatest achievement ever because it's my only achievement But when I do fuck up Then the real feelings come out, and I see it in their eyes I know they see a fat degenerate waste of space who would never be their time if they hadn't made the monumental mistake of unleashing him on the world as the crowing embarrassment of their lives They have to wonder every day what they did that I am their karma The universe punishing them for whatever deeds were so heinous that I was decided to be their offspring And you've probably guessed that I've never been abused or neglected or anything serious like that I had a perfectly good upbringing and I still turned out like a pathetic useless loser You'd have to be blind to not be ashamed of the obvious black sheep of the family that I am And love That's the funniest thing I've heard all year in that it's funny that some woman would actually be deranged enough to look at me and actually want to spend an unpleasant bumbling conversation with me let alone the majority of her life I'm not funny talented charming charismatic cool clever or any attribute that is the least bit attractive to anyone under any circumstances And that's the biggest fucking disgrace of all because I will never be loved I'll never know what it's like to hold a person s hand for a while let alone to be so close to someone that they feel like the only person in the world worth being around I'll never get married or be a father or have my life amount to anything whatsoever But I don't even look at it as a chance I look at people in relationships like people look at Millionaire lifestyles Oh it'd be nice to have that, but I understand why I never will, I just have to trudge along through my empty useless life alone Because even if by some fucking miracle someone actually did want a relationship with me, it wouldn't last long and I wouldn't be able to handle being cheated on because of course I would be Maybe that would make me enough of a depressed wreck to actually give me the confidence to finally pull the fucking trigger But I know that's not likely No one would ever want to stay with me because nothing about me inspires the least bit of loyalty in someone I've never been fantasied about or flirted with No one has ever wanted to share a moment with me and no one will ever have a cause to do so Even the idea of actually being in some kind of relationship is as laughable as it is insulting because it will never ever happen How could it when there is not one single aspect about a miserable creature like me that anyone could ever find endearing It's especially funny when I consider what a socially inept retard I was in High School looking at the way guys behaved and dismissing them as loud obnoxious and childish But they were the ones in relationships and I was always the loser I only realize in retrospect that they were actually lively energetic and fun to be around People were drawn to them because they were good times they drank they partied they played sports I thought that even if these years weren't for that I would find a real relationship years later when my patience paid off Of course it was never going to happen because a dull bore is no one s fantasy Still I do take some small comfort in the fact that I do make the lives of countless women happy every single day by not being in them Because if someone was actually cursed enough to be stuck with me their lives would be so much worse by contrast Honestly its reasons like that that make me ok with living and dying as a virgin That used to be something that really bothered me But now Now it's abundantly clear that it's impossible for me to ever get close to that Because if my ugly unpleasant face doesn't turn someone off then my repulsive grotesque body will It's not a sight that anyone would ever want to have in their lives and even when I m in the shower I'm disgusted that this is what I have And that's not even taking into account my microdick which is the final nail in the coffin of ensuring that I never ever under any circumstances will be able to enjoy that experience with someone special ever It doesn't bother me as much anymore because I finally realized that this was never possible It was never possible for a fat ugly loser on my scale to ever even get close to that and if I can just embrace that I am ugly as sin on the inside as well as the outside perhaps I'll be able to let it all go But relationships are one thing what about work What about it The only kind of employment I've had is volunteering where I discovered just how anti-social and unlikeable I am Which perhaps might be fine if I actually had any worthwhile talents attributes or strengths that make me stand out but I don't I guess I'm pretty eloquent and a mediocre writer as well as possessing above some measure of intelligence but so what I have no plan for the future no drive no passion no fucking anything I used to play with the idea of being a Journalist or a writer but how could I be I'm nowhere near articulate talented or clever enough to actually make it in a field like that but it's all I have I'm not a STEM student I'm not athletic and I have no discernible hobbies beyond crappy Fanfic writing I'm even a studying for a fucking History Degree for all the worth that's going to have At least in High School I felt happy about my work Like my essays were amounting to and building to something but they never where It was just a way for me to waste my life away until I end up in a shitty dead end job where I want to kill myself even more than I do already If that's even possible, and I don't just end up unemployed for years while my little sister who already recognizes that I'm a loser at surpasses me in every field and every attribute as my parents are dedicated to ensuring they don't get another me One fuckup would be enough but they couldn't cope with two Still at least I can look forward to my tombstone which will be the most significant thing I can ever accomplish in life if I'm not just tossed in a ditch and forgotten about like the diseased wretch I actually am So there we have it a summary of all twenty years of my miserable worthless useless spineless lazy indolent pathetic insignificant waste of space being alive on this planet But you know what the worst thing about being me is That I have the fucking nerve to complain about it Just another fucking thing wrong with me that I can't do anything to fix it I have a comfortable moderately wealthy lifestyle When it comes to actual serious issues I don't want for anything So why do I feel so completely worthless and overall incompetent when I have no fucking reason to I should be able to fix myself and my minuscule problems, but I am completely incapable of even doing that because what would be the point What would the point of ever holding out hope of anything ever-changing for me, It won't It won't ever Why am I so pathetic when there is NOTHING wrong with my life Why am I such a grotesque failure that I am completely incapable of even doing the most basic requirements of a functioning human being I used to believe I was a nice and good person who was held back by being shy and anxious but that was a lie It was a lie I told myself because I was never that I am as ugly on the inside that I am on the outside I used to hope that one day someone might take pity on me and see some hidden beauty inside that no one else could and my life would begin to get better But of course that would actually require there BEING a hidden beauty to me and there isn't there's never been I can still remember what it was like the day my life changed I asked all the people I thought I was friends with if they wanted to hang out over the summer and no one ever responded One after one I was ignored shunted and ghosted At first I thought it was just them, but then it was really driven home for me, I finally realized just how completely and utterly alone I actually was in the world I realized that I had not made one single friend who wanted to spend any time with me whatsoever And then I started to cry like the pathetic little weasel I was As I've cried at least once every day since And as I did, I looked in the mirror still weeping for what must have been over an hour and I saw him die I saw the person who used to be me die Sure he wasn't the best company, but he was sarcastic sly quirky and a generally happy person who enjoyed life mostly I looked into my eyes and watched him peel away as the emptiness inside was replaced Now he's dead, and I occupy his corpse An empty void a nothing A person no one wants around and wishes was gone If I find the courage maybe I will do the world a favor and kill his corpse the way I killed his personality, but I doubt that In addition to everything else I'm just a coward But there's not really any point in discussion is there There's nothing I can do about it is would be a fruitless waste to even try and think of a cure when none exists All I can hope for is some way of living with the disease I will kill myself one day I have lived for two decades if one can term if that and I know that there is nothing I have to show for it and no point in disputing the fact that I won't survive to see the third reach its conclusion What would there be to look forward to Not that I know when how or what will finally push me over the edge but one day I'll look into my mirror for the final time and not be able to take it anymore I can't be liked I won't be loved I could never be mourned How could I ever believe any differently So why do I bother with the charade Why can't I just cut myself out from the pretence of life and be done with it Why not rid the world of the stain upon it that I am and finally be done with it Is it just cowardice alone or am I so fucking stupid that I actually think I might miss out on something if I die Am I still that nave I just wish I could find the resolve to be done with it But yeah Happy the Birthday to me, I guess How many more will I have I wonder |
French | J'ai atteint la fin d'une longue série d'erreurs, et maintenant je n'ai nulle part où aller je viens de déménager dans une nouvelle ville pour aller à l'université et c'est me botter le cul je pense que mon choix d'école était une erreur pour moi et être loin de quelqu'un que je connais a été dur je ne suis pas naturellement timide et n'ai pas vraiment tendance à me faire des amis très facilement et cela en conjonction avec la situation |
French | Je veux que quelque chose d'incroyable se produise dans le monde comme une apocalypse zombie ou quelque chose comme ça, j'aurais un sens, et ce serait amusant, j'espère que je ne me suis pas entraîné pour rien. |
French | Je ne sais pas pourquoi je poste ici Peut-être que j'essaie d'éviter l'hôpital à nouveau Peut-être que je veux être convaincu d'une manière ou d'une autre Je me sens juste comme si j'avais fini avec la vie Les choses ne s'améliorent pas pour moi De plus, je m'ennuie Je m'ennuie avec les choses normales Je m'ennuie avec les activités spécialisées Les sports, etc. |
French | J'ai besoin d'aide sérieuse je suis M et fondamentalement je me sens comme de la merde mentalement et je suis complètement épuisé j'ai besoin d'aide mais personnellement je ne pense pas que l'aide professionnelle serait mon truc surtout depuis que je suis dans l'armée ils finiraient juste par me séparer je veux parler à mes amis à ce sujet mais je ne veux pas être celui qui a fait la conversation j'ai essayé de donner des indices que je ne suis pas déprimé et suicidaire |
French | J'aurais peut-être dû dire quelque chose plus tôt Même dans ce cas, je ne vaux toujours pas le temps de qui que ce soit Peu importe combien j'écris, pleure ou supplie Je ne changerai rien Je ne peux pas arrêter de regretter le fait que j'aurais dû me tuer Plus tôt Vivre juste pour me voir perdre les meilleures années de ma vie Juste pour tout jeter Je ne suis pas fatigué de tout cela |
French | La façon de faire ITIS il y a un moyen d'obtenir une mort indolore propre comme une mort facile et rapide que vous pouvez faire maintenant Juste par curiosité ne le ferait jamais |
English | Fuck my life Over the past two years my mom has gonna through two bipolar manias one last year, and now she is going into another She becomes very violent and frankly insane She'll even get to the point of telling me she wishes I was dead if aggravated enough I need to constantly walk on eggshells because even the slightest thing such as an empty water bottle on a counter will set her off and cause her to immediately flip on me, She says she doesn't know why I m her target or such a trigger for her but she's sorry I fucking hate my life Somehow I still managed to graduate high school, but I had to do it online last year for my senior year because I was too socially anxious and depressed to even leave the house and those problems are still affecting me today I listened to Juice WRLD in specific to get through the hard times He's now gone I don't know what to do I wish I was dead I don't know if I have the balls to kill myself but to be honest I don't see a point in living any more I just want it to end |
French | Je ne sais même pas quoi intituler Je ne me sens pas bien Franchement, je me sens comme si c'était juste un cycle Je vais m'améliorer mais alors nous serons ici et qui veut que mon anxiété soit mon angoisse et tout ce que je ressens je suis désolée Je suis désolée Je suis un peu effrayée je suis désolée je suis désolée je suis désolée je suis désolée je suis désolée je suis désolée je suis désolée |
French | Ils ont ruiné ma vie à la seule option qui me reste est de me pendre jusqu'à l'âge de plusieurs années, j'étais un jeune homme très actif, j'ai changé mon partenaire sexuel toutes les deux semaines, certaines des meilleures filles sur le campus sont passées par mon lit et je gagnais une bourse après la bourse, j'ai perdu la chaîne, j'ai été heureux Une nuit dans un accident de sport, j'ai été attaqué physiquement par un idiot. |
English | The Menard Suicide Scale Hey friends I recently came across The Menard Suicide Scale Menard is a website dedicated to Dissociative Identity Disorder which I don't have but I found their Suicide Scale helpful in helping me monitor my own feelings of suicide I've sat around a for as long as I can remember I hope this post doesn't get deleted and helps you all in knowing when to ask for help Stay safe x The Suicide Scale HTTPS Menard com suicide scale NOTE I have no affiliation to Menard I just find the Scale useful to monitor my level of personal safety |
French | Mon voyage à l'acide m'a donné un avant-goût de ce que la mort ressemblait Et j'ai aimé ça J'ai senti la mort ou au moins une touche de celle-ci Mort de l'ego après le voyage à l'acide le plus intense de ma vie J'ai senti chacun de mes souvenirs se décomposer en néant Et après cela, il y avait un semblant de personnalité et d'individualisme Je ne voulais rien comprendre à la vie |
French | Mon maintenant ex meilleur ami m'a appelé le mal sentir si seul je veux vomir puis-je juste mourir déjà |
French | C'est la fin je suis une femme transgenre MTF Au moins c'est ce que j'ai dit je manque de comportements féminins mais je suppose que c'est plus un processus d'acceptation que toute autre chose mais tout ce que je saurai je vais rejeter je ne peux pas rester un homme chaque fois que je sens mon visage ou regarder ma mère ou ma poitrine je serai dégoûté je vais être fou je vais pousser mes cheveux, je vais être fou |
English | I can feel it creeping in against frustrates me I fill my days with distraction after coping mechanism after distraction Nothing works I still find myself staring at my ceiling wishing to try it once more Maybe this time you'll get it right I'm sickly excited at the thought of trying it again |
French | Eh bien, personne ne s'est foutu de mon dernier post, alors je suppose que je vais me suicider. |
English | I just tried to hang myself in my dorm while my roommate was in the shower Title I am failing all my classes and no longer have the energy to try I stopped taking my depression meds a month ago bc they made me sick But now my highs are higher, and my lows are lower I do not really have anyone else to go to |
French | J'ai été déprimé la plupart du temps depuis que je l'ai été, j'ai sans doute eu de l'anxiété depuis le jour où je suis né Il y a quelques années, j'ai également été diagnostiqué avec l'autisme, je ne me connecte pas avec les gens, peu importe comment j'essaie, je suis fatigué d'essayer, je suis seul. |
English | Attempted twice just now just laid in bed with two pillows on my face so that they were heavy enough to the point where I can't breath but I seem to be staying conscious for longer than the estimated time from the internet |
French | AMOUR Aujourd'hui, ma sœur s'est suicidée Je traverse une merde folle en ce moment avec la famille Toute la journée J'ai senti tout ce que mes parents traversent certainement le pire Ce que je veux dire est d'aimer les gens proches de vous Apprécier tous les jours Amour |
French | Je veux juste mourir Je viens de finir Je suis brisé |
French | La pression me tue ne sont pas sortis ou parlé à personne depuis les derniers mois depuis mon université est sur la pause et non je suis épuisé il n'y a pas de travail étant donné la situation actuelle du virus je ai été dessin beaucoup depuis que j'ai toujours voulu obtenir une carrière avec l'art mais je n'ai pas d'argent pour l'école d'art et mes parents sont vraiment contre, je dois faire face au fait que je n'ai pas d'argent |
English | I already made my decision Like in the title I just want to see if people will reply here to an account with more karma So What it'll be |
French | En ce moment semble être un moment idéal pour se suicider m un an avec aucun moyen de résoudre ce problème du tout et ma vie sociale m'a tout simplement effondrée Ma famille ne m'intéresse absolument pas en dehors de ma mère Mon frère ne sera même pas assis dans la même pièce et me parler pendant quelques minutes J'ai une anxiété sociale extrême et je n'ai pas le bon talent pour le faire mieux J'ai récemment aidé ma mère à m'aider |
French | Le doute a une maladie invisible ou du moins c'est ce qu'on m'a dit La maladie de Lyme chronique Elle a été diagnostiquée et j'ai toujours subi un traitement sur elle pendant les deux ou trois dernières années Mais il y a toujours ce doute dans mon esprit Je ne peux pas m'empêcher de me demander si tout cela est dans ma tête Que si j'ai déjà fait tout cela, et que je ne peux pas vraiment croire que je suis malade |
English | Dark days tried to kill myself today I didn't have the plan together I just kept taking meds until I had over mg of Effector and a ton of other meds I four queasy and threw up a little later I'm shaky twitchy and my heart is pounding Trying to calm down but I'm on edge As an aside I'm a veteran and I did tours in Iraq an in other places Everyday I'm haunted by the memories of my Iraq time Today my wife and I fought She says I'm pushing her away and disrespecting her I started off with doubling up my Effector this morning and kept taking more She doesn't know I tried to OD and is still ignoring me I don't know what tomorrow brings but I'm determined to see thing through tomorrow for now |
English | I just think i shouldn't even try anymore For a while now I have been feeling so weird as if my feelings are completely numb I am confused because of everything that is going on and to be honest during the day I just want to end it, so I don't have to suffer It hurts me because I put a fake smile on for everyone and pretend to be in a good mood At times I just want to cry and punch the walls because of what happened in the past and now The reasons I have no friends only acquaintances, but it feels they always forget me I am two grades below where I am supposed to be, and I feel like a stupid person I feel as though I make my mum and dad think I am a waste of air in the house because I don't do my chores often because of my bad sleeping habits I feel like a nobody when I go out I try my best to ignore peoples stares I am a skateboarder and it feels as though they are judging me Lately I just want to hide and never be seen again So many things are going on, and I don't seem to have control of my mind and thoughts I am scared and confused now even sometimes to scared to get out bed I am lost, and I don't know what to do anymore |
French | Je ne sais pas pourquoi je poste ont été la planification d'essayer au cours des dix dernières années et je suis à l'âge que je veux mourir Il n'y a pas d'aller de l'avant les médicaments ne sont pas aider l'hôpital est une blague menottes test sanguin pisser dans une bande de tasse à une robe et s'asseoir dans un couloir pour les heures et les médecins ambulatoires intensifs pensé que je ne dois pas les éduquer. |
English | Please help Anyone here know anything about overdosing Hey guys girls can you develop a tolerance when using H heroin once a week My bro overdosed last year and I'm in a wheelchair from an accident my wife left me as well please God just let this suffering end I've tried to OD, so I can finally be in peace and see my best friend again but snorting and mixing with heavy doses of Valium and alcohol just doesn't seem to do the trick and I just wake up a day later covered in vomit you'd think a box of mg Valiums and half a G of china white would do the trick, but maybe I have a tolerance now because I've been doing it for a month or so now trying to kill myself but I've only experienced non-fatal overdoses For fuck’s sake I just want to be free from this hell can anyone help me Should I just shoot a whole G of china heroin as well as mg of Valium surely that would do it Not looking for advice on changing my life and staying positive so please don't comment that shit just looking for advice I cannot take this anymore thank heaps for Any advice |
French | Donc, les parents sont les pires maintenant et responsables de tout Désolé si je dois vous le briser MAIS même si cela pourrait être le cas pour certains des parents, il n'est pas toujours vrai que je suis blessé par ce que quelqu'un a dit dans une discussion de groupe que les parents sont les pires que j'ai perdu mon frère par suicide un peu plus de deux ans. |
French | Est-ce que quelqu'un d'autre se sent comme ils sont trop laids pour être en vie, je pensais que j'avais mieux à faire face à des problèmes d'image corporelle et le manque général de confiance en commençant à comprendre les raisons pour lesquelles je suis comme ça, mais je semble être plus triste, souvent, les problèmes de confiance et l'anxiété ont été à travers le toit et pleurer presque tous les jours. |
English | Suicide Note Final Goodbye Days till I go back to see Mr White my probation officer It s been months I think I get off in January My grades at the moment are shit and I currently go to online school They re going to force me back to regular school My parents threatened to do it, but they don't know why I begged to be in online school There were rumors going around school that I raped some girl I didn't I would never I lost everyone I tried so hard just to get friends and try to be happy but none of them were real other than I'd like to thank Omar Jenna Eduardo Fish AJ and lastly Ronaldo You guys were the greatest friends anyone could have had Thanked you for not leaving me I'm sorry that it has to go about this way, but I can't take it anymore My parents are alcoholics My life has just been falling apart If they do make me go back to that school there's many ways that I m going to go, but I can't say them due to rules My brothers and sister you guys are amazing Joshua I'd like to thank you for the passed weeks The time that I got to spend with Evelyn my niece was great I hope she grows up to do amazing things I love you Josh You truly are one of the most amazing hardworking people I know please don't change Shane I know we never got along well and that you constantly struggle with life because you're bipolar but just please promise me you'll stay strong and work at keeping your son happy I love you Shane As for you Matthew Thanks for being here for me being a brother I know I tease you a lot but it s because I love you Go on and become the Chef you always wanted to be Margaret You're only right now I doubt you'll remember much of me since you re at that age, but I want you to know that I love you You're an amazing sister and I know you'll do great things Mom and Dad Don't think this is your fault because it isn't It s stress I couldn't take it anymore I couldn't tell anyone because I was too scared I didn't need more stress You guys are amazing parents Thank you for everything Finally to Farah My one true love I'm sorry that I had to go like this and that we didn't see each other as much as we wished but I'd like to thank you for the help You're truly the most beautiful smart funny and just outstanding girl I've ever met I love you so so so very much Please don't do this to yourself Andy I'd like to thank you for the hundreds of hours we played battlefield together laughing and making childish jokes It was good man You're an amazing man Please stay strong for me As for you citizens of Reddit thank you for the good times I just can't fathom how many of you there are but you're all amazing people Thank you and cheers Signing off xXminilex |
French | Cerveau tellement endommagé par la drogue Je ne me sens plus humain C'est à peu près tout ce que je peux dire, mon cerveau est plein de merde, et c'est tellement fort que je ne peux jamais avoir la paix J'ai écrit un mur de texte ici, mais ensuite je l'ai supprimé |
English | My social ineptness I know this might sound stupid and vain but it's really affecting me Basically all of my friends around me are social I might even consider myself social but in certain situations but in others I'm completely inept I'm unable to string a sentence together I know I have friends and family who love me and care for me but what's the point in me going on I'm nearly and I can't handle simple situations like talking to certain people I often wonder what's the point in going on We're a social species and if I can't handle these situations now how do I suppose to handle life in the future I don't want to die but I also don't want to be a burden to the people around me, I want to be able to get a job I want my friends and family to be able to live a happy life without me weighing them down If I had a choice I'd choose never to be born so my friends wouldn't have to deal with my social ineptness Their life would be easier without me, They could have fun going out without me being there without me existing They wouldn't have to hold my hand They would enjoy themselves without me, I'd be happier dead knowing they could live a fuller life They deserve better than me |
English | I am already dead might as well kill myself Two years ago I tried a drug other than alcohol and nicotine for the first time in my life During the buzz I panicked my heart was racing, and my body felt heavy and strange I immediately got the feeling that I fucked up and that I was damaged for life About hours after the incident I tried to sleep Yet again I panicked because I still did not feel normal I started to feel muscles twitching and hear sounds in my head A couple of days later when I felt better I noticed that my dick felt dull and that I could NT orgasm To this day I still have these problems My sex life is dead because my orgasms are weak as fuck and my body has zero urge to ejaculate I do no longer feel any attraction to women I hear screaming sounds in my head ears every time I try to sleep My muscles twitch like crazy when I am anxious I am seeing a doctor about my problems at the moment, and I am subscribed some antidepressants I still feel that I have fucked up so bad that I will never be able to forgive myself and will forever live a compromised life The anxiety and constant thoughts about this takes over my life completely I do not wish to sit in my sofa in years crying about that I fucked up when I was only a teenager Might as well skip out of the window sooner than that Kind Regards |
French | Je ne peux pas vivre en vacances et il n'y a aucun espoir pour moi Le couteau n'était pas assez tranchant pour couper et je ne peux pas parler à la famille de ce que je fais face Mon père m'a vu pleurer et m'a simplement dit d'arrêter de mal me comporter J'ai juste besoin de me sentir mieux et il y a une boîte de pilules près de moi, je pourrais les prendre bien que je finirais à l'hôpital dans ce pays et je mettrais ma famille à honte |
English | My friend coworker took her own life Saturday m not really sure if this is the right place for this but an amazing girl Mary ash Schulman took her own life Saturday night Everyone is devastated and being someone who s contemplated and attempted the same thing it really hit me hard I miss her I miss her every day I show up there and don't see her It feels empty and cold now She didn't really have a family she was an orphan from Russia we re in the US and what family she does have here can't really pay for the funeral Her fiancé is at a loss understandably We all are I've never lost anyone so close before and I'm having trouble keeping my head up and not thinking about it, I just hope she s in a Bette place now This rant probably doesn't fit here, and I apologize if it's a mess and all over the place Thanks to anyone who reads |
French | IDK comment continuer à faire des chardons tellement de douleur que je n'arrête pas de souhaiter que ce ne soit pas comme ça, j'essaie tous les jours d'arrêter cette folie, mais je ne peux pas m'en sortir, cela fait des mois que j'étais heureux, peut-être même des années, et toute cette plaine est si difficile à gérer que je veux juste que ça s'en aille. |
English | Sitting here listening to the music I love and thinking about how long I've got to live just think I'm not the type of person that should be alive here it'd be better for everyone around me if the burden of my existence was off their shoulders |
English | I feel like I have no one m not sure what to do amp I have really no one to talk about this I've been struggling with my eating disorder more than ever lately and it's really starting to take a dull on me Not only that I've been clean from cutting for over a year now and the urges are there again I hate it so much All of this is so hard to deal with especially on your own I have no supportive environment around me and never really did I don't know what to do who to reach out to I feel like everyone has enough of their own problems and I don't want to annoy them with mine I don't know I feel so fucking lost and empty Honestly I'm just exhausted and done with everything I wish I didn't have to live because I hate putting up with this Living feels more like an annoying chore than anything Ugh |
French | Ils ne t'aiment pas comme je t'aime J'ai déjà écrit une note la nuit avant la nuit dernière Hier mon mari m'a parlé de la possibilité de me séparer Je ne veux pas que je sache que je serai complètement déprimé et je ne peux rester que pendant des jours J'ai été diagnostiqué comme souffrant de stress post-traumatique. |
English | If it wasn't for music if it wasn't for music i wouldn't have made it this far it's the only thing that makes me not feel like a broken machine for a couple of moments helps prolong the inevitable distracts gives shelter unconditionally refuses the apathy thanks for inventing this cavemen |
French | Est-ce que les hotlines apparaissent sur la facture de téléphone Pas sûr si c'est le bon endroit pour demander Mais je pense que je suis à l'étape Je dois parler à quelqu'un Est-ce que les hotlines suicide apparaissent comme quelque chose de spécial sur votre facture de téléphone cellulaire Ou juste un autre nombre aléatoire Et est-ce toujours gratuit Ou dois-je chercher des gratuits |
English | Scared and tired Out options I think I've come to the end of trying any more I'm tired of it all I feel haunted by fear and anxious thoughts It feels like I'm unable to go on with my life I've tried holding everything together but I'm falling apart I tried professional help It was the worst experience of my life I get different and good help now but I can't really see a better future in any way I feel ruined by my first encounter with help I don't really think anything can mend how hurt I've become by how horrible it was Is there anyone here who were able to get over truly poor help and to put it not so lightly betrayal in a therapy setting Anyone who got worse by the help but managed to get better afterward I don't know what to do Sometimes I dream of running away and giving it a try to start over again Most of the time I simply want to disappear though I've never attempted suicide before If I do attempt in the US what could I reasonably expect if I fail Will I be locked up If I m unsuccessful and get brain damage or other injuries and don't have ID on me what's likely to happen then |
French | J'espère que nous nous verrons dans la prochaine vie Même si j'ai encore des années, j'ai tout foiré dans ma vie et déçu tout le monde parce que je suis un gros cul ingrat et sans talent, je suis une honte pour la course asiatique Demain sur le chemin de l'école, je vais me jeter devant une voiture ou un sth et j'espère que ce sera mortel. |
French | L'équipement est enfin ici, les affaires sont en ordre et je suis prêt à me saouler suffisamment, c'était un honneur de merde poster avec vous sur ce site parmi beaucoup d'autres, j'espère que vous trouverez ce que vous cherchez et bonne chance |
English | I tried to commit suicide when I was about and failed but I have on odd sense of humor about it Hello I'm still new but I'm not sure if this belongs here But we'll see I lived in a very deteriorated home a hoarder house My mom is the one with the affliction and I still in a subconscious way blame her I know it's just her mind, but I can't see why she'd let me and sister live that way She has this odd mindset that her children are supposed to help HER When we formed our own problems she began to guilt-trip My mother was virtually absent if we wanted to hang around her, we had to go to HER room She never took us anywhere and only ever stayed in her nest We had no amenities no heat no bathrooms no kitchen no washing machines and very little food We had power and water for a while, but that eventually went too My father left at about age but he made good money and constantly sent so much to our mother whom never used it on us, She was and still is a very loving mother She simply has mental issues, and it sucks My father spoke to me every day Without fail As a kid I knew that being a single father would suck I think I've heard people who think like me called empaths You have to basically read a mind to see how that day was going to go so I got pretty good at predicting how others feel and would feel But I'm not sure Anyway on to the meat and potatoes I was and at my lowest point I remember getting the rope and tying it up and walking into the woods behind my house I went and found a tree I thought was good I climbed up I don't know how far, but I was about ft off the ground at the end of the rope I was a pretty heavy kid and am currently on my way to weight loss But I tied it to the branch which I jumped on and tested, but I was thankfully wrong I remember sitting there crying for about an hour, and then I did it I sat on the branch and let myself down and then just let go I swung for what felt like forever but in reality it was probably seconds or less Than I heard a crack and the branch let me down I hit the ground coughed for about mins all the while crying But I remember after I sat there and looked up at the stars for a while I thought to myself what else could I do wrong got up and brushed it off walked inside, and that noose is still in the backyard of that house I personally think that it's rather funny, and I continue to this day tell it as a funny story I know it's odd, but humor is one of the few coping mechanisms I believe in positive in my case |
French | Le pire gars ne gagne jamais Ces jours sont lourds Non seulement avec le doute et le ressentiment, mais avec la responsabilité et l'inquiétude trop Suicide n'est pas difficile à penser ou à imaginer, mais le mot est comme un poison pour les oreilles de tout le monde, j'ai essayé toute ma vie pour échapper à l'astigmatisme de moi être des ordures en raison de mes parents. |
French | Ma vie est déjà pleine de tant de douleur mentale et d'agonie, alors qu'est-ce que l'univers me lance Deux cavités dont l'une est sur une dent de sagesse qui sera probablement tirée Je ne veux pas faire face à la douleur physique et mentale que je déteste. |
English | I'm not sure what to do any more I know I need help I'm ashamed f Well educated not horrible looking people seem to like being around me, I consider myself to be a good person and mostly cheerful I think I love the people around me but I hate myself I think about suicide every day and am painfully sad I have tried the fake it until you make it approach to no avail My job treats me like garbage I don't think I have any real friends I m in debt k credit card k in student loans My brothers are at a hard time in their lives without much money they just graduated from university and have not found decent paying jobs and I really care about them, They are all I really have in terms of family My dad and stepmom treat them like garbage and I can't stand it Due to this I do not talk much with them my dad and stepmom any more I think about suicide every single day Sometimes I think about how good it would be for me to die in a car crash, so my brothers can benefit from my life insurance policy When I wake up I lie in bed for mins before getting up just fantasizing about what it would be life if I just died I have expressed this to a close friend, and she said that she thinks it's normal for people to wonder about suicide dying I haven't had a healthy romantic relationship in quite some time My last LT relationship ended in was terribly unhealthy, and he took advantage of me for years I feel like I have lost to ability to feel real feelings in a romantic relationship due to the horrible boyfriends I have had Every time I start getting close with someone I sabotage it somehow For the past year or so I don't get excited about things I really don't care about much I recently went on vacation and while I spent good time with my best friends I honestly could have done without it, We did what people would call adventurous activities during vacation zip lines caving etc. I got absolutely no adrenaline rush from things like other people in my group did I even faked screaming wood on the zip line to make it look like I was having fun but honestly I was bored, and I thought it was a waste of money I know I don't have it bad at all I have a good relationship with my roommates best friends In my job I see people every day who have it way way way worse than I do But still I don't know I don't feel like being alive anymore It's just so routine and boring even when I take time off to go on vacation I'm bored I find no excitement in anything I don't know This is probably just sounds like horrible incoherent rambling I don't know what I need or who to really talk to Maybe I need someone to talk to maybe I need to get out of my head for a bit I really do want to die and if it comes to the point where I have to do it myself I think I can manage that I have about months of rent saved up to give to my roommates in case I decide the time is right edited for clarification on some parts |
French | Je vis dans un monde où les abus ne sont pas pris au sérieux Je ne peux pas prendre un autre peu d'abus de quelqu'un que je veux mourir Depuis quelques années, j'ai été victime d'intimidation à l'école harcelé par eux au point où mon bras était dans une fronde a été abusé racialement à certains moments et rien de la note a été faite par mon école Je ne peux pas trouver un emploi à cause de ma race ces souvenirs de l'école |
English | I wish I had the same nerve that I did when I was younger I tried to kill myself twice when I was in highs cool Now I'm too scared to even try for fear of failing and ending right back up where I was then I'm not scared to die I'm just scared to fail I don't want this life anymore Any time I feel like I'm making a minute bit of progress I wind up slipping back into my old habits I don't know what to do any more other than hope that one day I can finally work up the nerve |
English | Ending it all I give up on life don't help me at all I'll see you all soon |